Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML
Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML
Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
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Top comments
Seddah 3
You need to grow some balls, mate.
ActionManly 11
Pussywhipped!
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Comments (148)
Jenny444_fml 0
Maybe thats her way of saying no.. hopefully you just man up and tell her how you feel and then tell her you dont like the effin cat..
randomguy1517 0
calm your ****** nips ****
salcal100 1
dude how can u HATE a kitten? are u a dog man? how wuld u feel if someone hated a kitten for no reason. retard
sbjess 8
so you're gonna keep getting clawed in the vag cuz you can't man up and tell your roomie that you hate cats? hope the clawmarks don't get infected.
lawlren 0
Did he say he never said he was allergic? She probably asked and he said no at some point. You think you know every thing. He probably kicked the cat or some shit and that's why it clawed him. And any one who hates cats for no reason is an idiot, who has no sensitivity for animals. Cats are the most adorable things in existence. I don't feel bad for him having to live with her, I feel bad for her having to live with him. He's an ass. And so are you. Do us all a favor and die. lol.
cam007_fml 0
Throw it away when she's not there.
Six23 1
Just let her know that you don't like cats... it's not that hard.
twignig 0
The cat probably sensed you don't like it. You deserved it. HAHA
Blondie08_fml 0
i wud be like snitch get that garfield crap outta here
leadrunner751 3
ydi for hating a kitten