Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML
Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML
Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
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Top comments
Seddah 3
You need to grow some balls, mate.
ActionManly 11
Pussywhipped!
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Comments (148)
pogostick_fml 2
lawlren, you completely missed her point. It doesn't matter whether he hates cats or not. It matters that his roommate brought a cat to the apartment without getting his opinion and permission first. So yes, that makes her a selfish bitch. And I love how you rage on snickerdoodles for making the assumption that the roommate didn't ask him about any allergy problems, but you go ahead and make the opposite assumption AND the assumption that the OP's dislike of cats has no reason. And honestly, I don't care for cats. Oh, and I hate caterpillars. So do I have no sensitivity for animals? Here's my own little piece of advice for you, think before you open your mouth.
Sekococo 0
suck it up pussy >:(
indeedlifesocks 0
heres what you do. throw the cat out of the window. it'll live.
Krissy_709 0
haha not kool you only use the dubbel tap if something is trying to kill you
carnagexxx 0
kill the dahm thing i h8 cats man i feel ur pain
tonys_kitten 0
PUSSY!
ashiiya 0
HAHA you could say that you're not exactly fond of cats. And what's wrong with cats? Yeah yeah, we have animals that we like and dislike, but don't say that it should be killed, they are adorably evil geniuses xP karma can get more painful so be careful xD
Cakemama 0
Only total jerks don't like cats. You aren't good enough for your roommate. MOVE!
qwertyuiop142 0
#112 i second that :)
sweetastea 0
that's so sweet lol
joe_uncool 0
i think its time the kitten had an "accident" if you know what i mean...