Miscellaneous: Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm...

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 16:39 - United States

Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 072

You deserved it 44 855

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Same thing different taste

By gingerbread - 18/12/2017 18:00 - Armenia - Yerevan

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 3 711

By Thefaller - 11/07/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 882

By Jigll - 13/10/2008 08:26

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 659

You deserved it 76 928

All over the place

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 674

You deserved it 8 845

By theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 820

You deserved it 2 839

College life

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 11:33 - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 993

You deserved it 2 363

Partaaaaay!

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 128

You deserved it 46 984

Gross, dudes!

By notsick - 17/03/2019 22:00

Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 135

You deserved it 214

Sobering

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 02:59

Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 1 939

Say it, don't spray it

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 023

You deserved it 115 227

Hisoka_fml 0

Thursday 7 October 2010 22:42

Epic fail. Noob.

itsmeppl 0

Sunday 15 May 2011 10:16

uhhhh, ur profile pic was taken in front of a toilet!....

Comments

Hisoka_fml 0

Thursday 7 October 2010 22:42

Epic fail. Noob.

bravesfan112233 0

Friday 8 October 2010 0:07

ydi for having the girls leave the kitchen

christa953 12

Friday 8 October 2010 1:23

hey 41: that joke was never funny and it never will be. so shut up

schalk 12

Friday 8 October 2010 1:26

Yeah that joke is getting old. I bet he still quotes Austin Powers too

KiddNYC1O 20

Friday 8 October 2010 1:32

I wonder what beer...

Astroman129 7

Friday 8 October 2010 1:45

I agree with 61.

CitrusGirl 0

Friday 8 October 2010 1:54

feeling grumpy so... To 9, you look like a tryhard. More likely girls avoid you Bravesfan- That joke is beyond old. Most guys think it's old too. You know who still tells that joke? Guys that can't get girls. Because obviously, telling us to act like servants is totally going to make us interested in you.

MnBran6 0

Friday 8 October 2010 2:38

72 - Stop being butthurt and get back to the kitchen. Jk, but really, it's just an Internet joke, I'm sure he doesn't tell girls to get back to the kitchen irl, at least I hope he doesn't.

bravesfan112233 0

Friday 8 October 2010 3:21

72 you need to chill out. it's a joke. also your statement that I don't get girls is false. also your gay

HahaHokayThen 10

Friday 8 October 2010 3:37

Must be Russian beer.

woofis 0

Friday 8 October 2010 3:57

or German.

HahaHokayThen 10

Friday 8 October 2010 4:10

I was about to say German. But those Soviets always overcome my thoughts.

Astroman129 7

Friday 8 October 2010 4:23

In Soviet Russia, Getman beer is Russian beer? o.O

sukaaa 0

Friday 8 October 2010 5:52

88 we dont drink this shit beer we drink 80 proof vodka hah

zerobahamut03 2

Friday 8 October 2010 7:28

Smooth move with the ladies.

Person000 0

Friday 8 October 2010 7:49

93 ... Russia stopped being the soviet union over twenty years ago. you're the reason all adults think our generation is stupid.

MarkSeattle 0

Friday 8 October 2010 8:26

person 000 is that your IQ? you can still say in Soviet Russia; it's like saying in the old (or good old) days, or back in the Communist days...

MarkSeattle 0

Friday 8 October 2010 8:35

lol @ 107 Cyka; just put a Russian pronunciation on your name instead of English. in Soviet Russia champagne was much cheaper and easier to get than Vodka though, and all the beer was Russian beer ;)

Jennifra 0

Friday 8 October 2010 15:33

l thought the same thing about 9.. I was like... really? Kitchen jokes really are old but they will never stop.

Person000 0

Saturday 9 October 2010 10:10

HEY 115 she said "those soviets always overcome my mind" not "in soviet russia" you dumb **** what are you twelve.

uscbaseball 0

Sunday 31 October 2010 6:49

you realize he probably drank before the 3 beers making him have bad judgement

zp5 4

Thursday 7 October 2010 22:43

uh ew?? that's disgusting.

needleinmypants_fml 3

Thursday 7 October 2010 22:47

ydi moron. never the bottles don't have 3 drinking holes for a reason

Trollz4daLULZ 1

Thursday 7 October 2010 22:53

YDI for having a roommate, for trying to get those girls drunk and take advantage of them, for attempting to FORNICATE, for playing a gay-ass game instead of just drinking, for eating something red, and for even having a stomach to hold red food and beer. Epic win for aiming it all over everyone else! :)