Miscellaneous: Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm... - FML

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 16:39 - United States

Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 071

You deserved it 44 837

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Same thing different taste

By gingerbread - 18/12/2017 18:00 - Armenia - Yerevan

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 3 699

By Thefaller - 11/07/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 860

By Jigll - 13/10/2008 08:26

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 653

You deserved it 76 905

All over the place

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 668

You deserved it 8 840

By theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 807

You deserved it 2 832

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 11:33 - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 979

You deserved it 2 362

Partaaaaay!

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 124

You deserved it 46 967

Gross, dudes!

By notsick - 17/03/2019 22:00

Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 202

Sobering

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 02:59

Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 1 915

Say it, don't spray it

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 020

You deserved it 115 208

Next

Top comments

Hisoka_fml 0

Thursday 7 October 2010 22:42

Epic fail. Noob.

itsmeppl 0

Sunday 15 May 2011 10:16

uhhhh, ur profile pic was taken in front of a toilet!....

Comments

apan 13

Friday 5 October 2012 15:48

Ew so gross, I feel Like throwing up after this FML :ppppPpPPpP

AzeHole 4

Friday 1 February 2013 19:17

Gees. know ur limit stupid. you think those girls are thinkin "man this guy can really chug some beer, lets have sex"

FMLL2016 16

Wednesday 26 March 2014 19:11

YDI you gotta know your limits!

Bengemon825 15

Thursday 2 July 2015 16:45

Blargh

brijaygarcia94 3

Tuesday 22 March 2016 0:50

You do realize alcohol is a type of poison right? Too much of it and we go to the hospital. How about you not be an idiot, and drink it responsibly?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while trying to spice up our marriage, we decided to get a hotel room and roleplay as strangers who meet in a bar and have a one night stand. By the time I got there, he was engrossed in the football and on the beer. He didn't notice me arrive and when he did, he was too drunk to get the roleplay right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 275

Today, I was at the grocery store when I bumped into my ex. Trying to be polite, I asked how she was doing, only for her to reply, "Great, thanks! I'm actually getting married next month." Meanwhile, I was standing there in a Garfield t-shirt clutching a carton of Ben & Jerry's and a bottle of cheap wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 155

The Top

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 259

You deserved it 2 649

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 712

You deserved it 3 284

Today, at my job at a fast-food restaurant, I once again got called into the men's bathroom to break up sex between two homeless people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 124

You deserved it 6 470

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said, "Being loved by you is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I'm so thankful I now know how it feels to be treated with kindness…" Then the word "but" and her abusive, estranged husband's name were uttered in the same sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 123

Today, I wanted to believe that people couldn't possibly be this stupid, but prior to surgery my brother's wife was put on an all-liquid diet. The idiot didn’t realize that putting cake and ice cream in a blender didn’t make it a fucking clear liquid. She argued, “I’m not eating it, I’m drinking it!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 100

Today, at my prestigious sous chef job, I was preparing to plate up expensive entrees for a function of 150 people. After arriving to work 2 hours early to finalize finishing touches, they call the restaurant 5 minutes before their booking stating, 'We can't be bothered anymore, sorry.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 008

You deserved it 1 532