Miscellaneous: Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd... - FML

By fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

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Walk on the wild side

Pull your shit together, Bezos

The World won't Listen

By james - United Kingdom

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

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By lilsis - Australia

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

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By boobmilk - United States - Hesperia

Today I left my 8-week-old with my brother so I could return to work. His wife took all the breast milk I'd packed out of the fridge and poured it out. According to her, it was “gross” and she didn’t want it near her food. My son is allergic to formula. FML

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By Jules - 27/11/2020 07:56 - Germany

Long term commitment

Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

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By A2 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my mom and dad, and the preview to my "My Sisters Keeper" came on. The trailer started out with "Most babies are accidents..." Right as that line was finished my mom elbowed me and laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, is Christmas day. Normally, I'd spend it with family. However, my boss decided everyone has to work today, despite the fact that there's enough people who want to work to run the place. Apparently it's "fairer" if we all have to do it - except him. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:04

Caught red-handed

Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML

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By hapless - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver tells me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listen to him for 20mins, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charges me £5.80 and my boss gives me a warning for being late. FML

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By YouDontSay - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

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By ZThirteen - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got into a minor argument with my fiancé. Deciding it wasn't worth fighting over, I shrugged and said, "Really, what are we even doing this for?" To which he replied, "Honestly, I don't know. I haven't loved you in years… Oh, you meant about the fight." And just like that, I'm now single. FML

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By Crazy09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

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By Unlucky - United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - East Northport

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

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By penpendesrapen - Philippines

Sink-dodger alert!

Today, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. While washing my hands, I heard someone taking a large dump in one of the stalls. When he was finished, he left the bathroom without washing his hands. Turns out he was the IT guy I called to fix my computer. He sat down on my chair and used my keyboard. FML

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By that guy

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lynchburg

Today, a classmate found out I have a boyfriend. He said, "Really? YOU??" FML

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By vballqt201 - United States

Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML

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By amberrenee91 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

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By Kendall14159 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I decided to pick up some breath mints. As I was checking out, the cashier informed me that if I was "planning on getting a girl to stay the night", I'd need the "stronger, more intense brand of mints". FML

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By Travellingluck

Today, after a week of severe gastroenteritis that required a hospital stay, I was finally feeling well enough to go in the pool at our holiday resort. My fiance slipped on the edge of the pool and we're back in the hospital. Happy vacation! FML

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By messed up - United States

Today, I finally told my crush that I like her. She said she could never date me, because apparently, "My best friend likes you." Her best friend is my step-sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

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By Help. - United Kingdom

Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my son and daughter that their father and I were getting a divorce. They each responded with "YAY! I want to live with daddy! He buys better presents." Their father has literally never bought anything for them, the exact reason I'm divorcing him. FML

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By mlove - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

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By AmberKCole - United States

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

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By Anonymous

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

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By littlekellilee

Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with cancer is going. He responded by asking for boob pics. FML

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By Lena - United States

Today, I got a small scar on my faced removed at a plastic surgeon's. Afterward, I told my mom that losing the scar felt weird, like I lost something that gave me character. My mom replied, "Don't worry, you have plenty of other flaws to give you character." FML

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By Just_do_it_17 - United States

Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Singapore

Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML

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By PrincessOhNo - United States - Bronx

Today, I dyed my hair back to pastel pink, which it hasn't been in over a year. It goes well with my skin and I was super excited about it so I decided to Snapchat my friend about it. Her response? "You were thinner last time your hair looked like that." FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

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By holladaddy - United States

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

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By Flavorite - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML

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Top comments

By kitcatjb | 12

#5867931 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:57

...before calling it "ugly" maybe she should think about the couch's feelings.

By abhi95 | 31

#5867929 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:56

Hormones of pregnant women: A formidable source of FMLs since the beginning of FML!

COMMENTS

By abhi95 | 31

#5867929 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:56

Hormones of pregnant women: A formidable source of FMLs since the beginning of FML!

Reply

kalinka07 | 5

#5868155 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 5:42

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

abhi95 | 31

#5868176 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 6:09

#54: Chill out sherlock!

Reply

AllieCat21 | 21

#5868183 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 6:23

Fun fact of the day: pregnant women's hormone levels are 1000x that of women who are not pregnant.

Reply

ximichi | 3

#5868191 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 6:53

@54- i think her parents were with her at the time, which is why they knew she eas crying and called OP.

By kitcatjb | 12

#5867931 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:57

...before calling it "ugly" maybe she should think about the couch's feelings.

Reply

threer | 30

#5867992 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 0:40

No, it's like the "before" and "after" label. So it's labeled "ugly" and "new", "fashionable" or something.

Reply

poncho55 | 40

#5868101 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 3:53

Lol, that icon with that comment. Beautiful.

Reply

Morqan_Freeman | 14

#5868168 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 5:56

OP, tell your wife about that couch that one guy on FML had sex with. Let us know her reaction to that :)

Reply

pompomkiwi | 14

#5868194 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 7:00

Because Morgan Freman is your profile pic this is funny

Reply

Sniper_Chick4110 | 20

#5868829 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 22:48

I think the way the Op wrote this FML would indicate that the advertisment called the couch ugly, and the pregnant wife was crying about the couches hurt feelings. I don't think you understood the FML #2.

By Yewufeefef | 12

#5867932 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:57

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

shaww | 28

#5867944 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 0:04

At least she didn't cry because the couch wasn't living up to its destiny of being a couch...

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5867948 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 0:06

That couch had hopes and dreams... Dreams of weary bottoms.

Reply

abhi95 | 31

#5867949 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 0:07

#15: Only avid FML readers will get that!

Reply

Kiki242 | 19

#5867966 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 0:21

That fml was hilarious.

By MomentoMori | 23

#5867933 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:58

Aww, her hormones are just playing with her feelings. Best of luck to you and congrats on her pregnancy! :)

Reply

micgelleya | 15

#5868098 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 3:49

She'll laugh at this when it's over :)

Reply

buttcramp | 21

#5868154 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 5:41

yeah y'all are totally right! women can't really control the hormones and how it makes them act but hopefully she will apologize and laugh about it later. also, don't hold it against her, OP cause she'll be embarrassed enough after the fact. I did some silly things like this when I was expecting too! I'm sure all moms have lol

By ZY1431 | 24

#5867934 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:58

juat gotta deal my man

By regenerate | 19

#5867935 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:58

at least she didn't try to buy it out of pity.

By juturnaamo | 29

#5867936 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:58

I can see why she didn't want to tell her parents why she was crying.

Reply

abhi95 | 31

#5867954 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 0:09

Oh no! More like she couldn't tell them amidst all the crying! She thought it was pretty fucking sad! Obviously it wasn't ridiculous for her!

By Coop817 | 19

#5867937 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:59

Good luck explaining that to your boss when you get back to work.

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5868184 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 6:23

Better off just saying, "I can't talk about it. It's really really REALLY super personal. Woman stuff, you know." And if he's a man you'll get the added bonus of making him uncomfortable with the term, "Woman stuff."

By olpally | 32

#5867938 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:59

Yeah, deal with it op. Until that baby comes out, not much you can do.

Reply

asherm | 15

#5868189 - Tuesday 25 February 2014 6:38

Except keep plenty of chocolate ice cream and pickles on hand (or whatever she's craving any given moment!)

By supersitter | 11

#5867939 - Monday 24 February 2014 23:59

Congrats on the pregnancy. It'll be worth it when the baby arrives. Endure. :) good luck