By losthusband - 11/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Hello from the other side

Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1026

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171

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At will

Social media was a mistake

Creepy idea, dude

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25086

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5870

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By gbabyy - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31658

You deserved it

6854

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By joshualover - United States

Today, I was driving through my neighborhood when I heard a siren. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a motorcycle, so I pulled over. The motorcycle drove by, and it turned out to be an old lady with a leather jacket. The siren was in a song on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9483

You deserved it

28235

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By f4444 - United States - Highland Park

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23983

You deserved it

2580

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35252

You deserved it

9699

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By Anonymous - United States - Belmont

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41627

You deserved it

4140

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14550

You deserved it

818

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By Scarred for life - 13/3/2020 08:00

Frozen

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1509

You deserved it

127

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By triplenipple - Sweden

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43738

You deserved it

4536

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By Joe - Canada

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23207

You deserved it

55958

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42327

You deserved it

4675

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By rejectedmidair - United States

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37109

You deserved it

7020

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By Anonymous

Experimentation is good

Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1076

You deserved it

2224

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By wah wah "you raised him" - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41676

You deserved it

5242

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By loser - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I asked the girl I sort of like as we were leaving class how her day was going so far. She said, 'Great. Don't ruin it.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

34357

You deserved it

3263

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By notgoodenough - United States

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43256

You deserved it

9173

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By blood buddies - United States - Milford

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48372

You deserved it

8625

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By Anonymous - United States - Shelby

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37714

You deserved it

11797

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By WipeYaBooty - United States - Franklin

Today, I woke up with chest pain. It hurt just to breathe, but my parents made me go to school. We're sitting in the emergency room now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4564

You deserved it

253

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By Salvation711 - United States

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9865

You deserved it

33676

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By nicbear

Today, I was fired from my job over a coupon a coworker offered me for bonus reward points. Apparently, it wasn't one I was entitled to. I never even looked at the coupon and assumed it was fine since they offered it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4061

You deserved it

476

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By Handuh15

Today, I was sitting with my best friend and we were watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks

503

You deserved it

2945

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45319

You deserved it

5869

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard a little girl ask her mom if the round lady in purple was pretending to be a giant eggplant. I was the lady in purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32166

You deserved it

9605

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By oh no - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34357

You deserved it

3438

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By maddiebauer - United States - Plainfield

Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7375

You deserved it

45398

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By sweetjulie

Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been introducing herself as “Mazda. Zoom-zoom!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1331

You deserved it

264

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By FLkiki - 24/7/2020 20:00

All or nothing

Today, I found out I didn’t get a job because I'd flashed the owner whilst drunk. Guess my tits weren’t better than my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

523

You deserved it

1873

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By meh - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30495

You deserved it

2235

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28836

You deserved it

8443

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By highfive - United States - Dedham

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

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43277

You deserved it

7085

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By Rick - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28974

You deserved it

4789

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By itsrathersmall - United States - Fargo

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47949

You deserved it

7674

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By Anonymous - United States - Cranford

Today, despite seeing her every weekend, her not telling me her work schedule, and her having ignored me every time she gets a boyfriend, my sister is upset that I "don't make more of an effort to see her." Sorry, I'm trying to not rely on people who hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1543

You deserved it

131

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By guest - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60626

You deserved it

5544

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By lamesauce - Canada

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42724

You deserved it

3038

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By Czechplease - United States

Today, my mom told my girlfriend an embarrassing story about me, along the lines of whenever my parents would take me school clothes shopping, I'd cry because I hated all the choices they gave me. The most recent incident of this? Last year. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16115

You deserved it

33749

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39484

You deserved it

4086

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By nerd_man01 - United States

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50319

You deserved it

13730

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents got me a box of cupcakes. My brother got me a deck of cards. My aunt got me a brochure on how to quit smoking. I have diabetes, I don't play cards, and I don't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46248

You deserved it

3531

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Top comments

By samsonity | 5

#7944304 - Sunday 11 October 2020 20:03

What kind of conversation was that

By tounces7 | 27

#7944359 - Monday 12 October 2020 2:52

Don't you have cell phones?

COMMENTS

By samsonity | 5

#7944304 - Sunday 11 October 2020 20:03

What kind of conversation was that

By jayqwe1 | 5

#7944306 - Sunday 11 October 2020 20:20

that happened to me and my dad when i was like 6 in best buy but could your wife just call or text you

By tounces7 | 27

#7944359 - Monday 12 October 2020 2:52

Don't you have cell phones?

Chazzster | 20

#7944639 - Tuesday 13 October 2020 1:31

There are stores (with metal frame and roof) that do not have cellular service once you are inside. Our local Target store is like that. Unless you are at the front near the big windows there is no cellular service.