Today, my parents searched my younger sister's phone because she had been acting suspiciously. I asked my mom if she was going to search mine too. She laughed and said, "Sweetie, your phone is probably even duller than mine!" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML
Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML
Today, my sister accused me of hacking into her phone because I helped her connect to a WiFi network a while ago, and she'd completely forgotten about it. I only found that out when my mom accidentally leaked it to me. FML
Today, my younger half-sister discovered my existence. She then went to our grandparents' house, smashed my picture off their wall, and ransacked their house looking for other pictures of me to destroy. She's in her mid-twenties, behaving like a child. FML
Today, in a fit of paranoid hysteria, my mom threw out my phone, claiming the NSA can look through the camera to spy on me. I guess that's why you're still using your own phone to sext your latest boyfriend, eh mom? FML
Today, my little sister got mad at me because I wouldn't let her read my IM conversation. I took a nap and when I woke up, my laptop was gone. She took it on a trip to her grandparents' house, six hours away. Nude pictures of me and my paper due tomorrow are on the laptop. FML
Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my four year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML
Today, my 8 year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number keypad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML
Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML
Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML
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Top comments
CoGhostRider 31
Now you're free to do as you wish
gogo44444 28
Now you can do whatever you want and she won't question you!
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Comments (52)
CTYFam 11
This is the nicest FML I've ever seen.
Ultimate_Batman 28
I'm not seeing the problem.
Frid_Kun 7
My life is so dull and boring, boo ******* hoo.
king_art 6
Looks like your mom's got something to hide then.
gatorgirl7563 22
Congrats!!! Step 1 of your devious plan has succeeded!
8djht8 19
Its always the seemingly quiet ones who have the most reasonable doubt instead of being crazy and spontaneous, u can be methodical plan things even frame your sister, who are they gonna believe? Alternatively you can do something crazy and be like dull is this dull!?!?!!! idk I think its a good thing for ex: would u wanna have a rep for town **** or town non ****, just saying
MossyMegaMan 20
Full time mom, part time savage.