By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 02:55 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML
I agree, your life sucks 54 770
You deserved it 20 840

Same thing different taste

Top comments

It's weird that they know when you **********

Go somewhere else then, or wait until they aren't home, or asleep. Even sit down with them and ask them to stop because its making you feel uncomfortable. FYL, OP.


Go somewhere else then, or wait until they aren't home, or asleep. Even sit down with them and ask them to stop because its making you feel uncomfortable. FYL, OP.

it's pretty shitty of them to make OP feel unsafe in their own home.

One should never begin a comment on FML with "it's pretty shitty." It's as close to thumbs down bait as I've ever seen.

ThatOneGuy719 16

Because I know I feel unsafe when I can't ********** in my own house.. Sometimes I feel like my life's in danger when I can't

incoherentrmblr 21

Jay from Clerks, is that you?...

This is what happens to kids who keep putting their cum-filled socks in Mum's laundry basket.

There is absolutely nothing normal about this. What kind of parent deliberately tries to catch their child playing a solo on the devil's clarinet? Just once if my parents caught me, I would've been done with it! I would remember it each time I thought about doing it, and it'd just be over. You could **** with them and tell them you got a girl pregnant because you had to get your rocks off somehow. Let the games begin!

well he could be less obvious about it, I kinda feel like if its every time, he's got to be doing it too much or just really blatant about it. Try doing it with the door locked or at night when they are asleep or just get a girlfriend, that will teach them. If they really won't let you have some "alone time" bring an obvious hooker home lol (might bit want to actually sleep with her) but that might get them off your back. . .

Axel5238 29

It's weird with the amount of people getting walked in on having sex or jerking off you'd think they'd be more careful about locking doors or not doing it in places like the living. At least make sure you are alone. Though I wonder how it's that obvious, does op scream or something while doing it that'd make people want to mess with you?

Op deserves it, just for the reason that his parents know, and think that, he does it whenever he gets his lone time.

#147 I think I found the tumblr user... And come on man (pun not intended) pregnancy cards are the worse, and most effective play in the book. He could try the door lock and blinds method, or just get a girlfriend and have sex. Idk, it seems he's stuck between a rock and a hard place (pun intended)

you want him to go have chat with his parents about masturbating?

It's weird that they know when you **********

Perhaps OP really likes to **********. A lot.

kingdomgirl94 29

Or they just try and catch him if they haven't seen in in a little while and he's been too quiet for too long. Kids are like that even before they start wacking off, if they're too quiet, they're up to something.

It's weirder that they want to catch you doing it!

Are OP's parents trying to drive him out of the house?!

"okay mom and dad I am going to bed" bang bang bang bang bang bang bang... Parents look at each other and say simultaneously "your turn"

Tell them it's your dick, and your room. If they want to come (snicker) in, tell them they have to whack on the door and wait until after the vinegar strokes.

Why not wait until everyone's asleep ?

Fr0gs 15

You dont understand; hes male

So? since when did masturbation/sex become this uncontrollable urge that people can't wait until others are away or asleep?

Do you not just realize what you said?

103. Not all males are controlled by their "mini me's", constantly engaged in seeking satisfaction in sexual release. Women can be just as incessant for the need to slake their urges. 104. one word: HORNY

Everyone gets horny, but that doesn't mean you have to act on it every time. I mean should people be allowed to ********** or have sex in public just because they get aroused? Picture teenage boys beating their meat in class while the teacher is trying to teach algebra or something.

140, someone actually did that in my middle school. In the math class and everything.

140, Some people can get too horny, and have their brains taken over from the feeling and go anywhere and everywhere to release it, even in public. I should know, I had a friend who was like that once.

what about the teenage girls. Don't put all the blame on the guys

Your parents are truly funny. But damn how often do you ********** for them to try and catch you in the act?

He does it a lot. His parents became concerned when they kept having to buy glasses with stronger and stronger prescriptions.

martin8337 35

And his palms are getting hairy.

His mum probably noticed when his bed sheets walked themselves into the laundry to be washed.

107 that's the best comment of the day. I pictured the sheets shivering like "i feel so dirty". I quite literally burst out laughing.

Could try making a game of always walking in when they start to do it, or better yet! try doing stuff like that when no ones home... could also get a girlfriend/boyfriend too

I imagine OP doing that last suggestion, ending up on 16 and pregnant, and then being like "this would have never happened if my parents let me beat my meat like it owed me money in peace".

You know... You have a point there sir

Even if they had a girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't mean that they would be comfortable with any intimate acts like that. I personally wouldn't want to because stuff like that gives me anxiety and makes me uncomfortable. I would have to wait almost a year of trusting the person to be comfortable with something like that. So getting a significant other would not always solve the problem.

Actually yes... just yes. I'd go flaccid if my parents walked in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle. #7 comment was just painfully obvious.

Sabotage an activity they hold dear to them like family fun night or sex.

Kinda funny how you name exactly those two things, like they're connected to each other

Just keep doing it and make eye contact. I think that may put them off.

Could you honestly do that? Your mother walks in while you are flicking the bean; make eye contact and carry on? Wow.

gabe222 25

Sorry, i just threw up a little, what were you guys saying?

I'm pretty sure he loses his boner the moment they walk in.

onealmxwilson 18

Boners don't just instantaneously die when you become unaroused. It goes away slowly

148, I can just imagine the boner being like "so… um… I notice you're not aroused anymore… we still gonna do it or what though? I mean, I can come back later if you need me too. So… you good for now? Ok then… I'll just go over here…" and walks away.

onealmxwilson 18
DaMann360 19

Do not underestimate "the stare," that epic stare in which both parents and masturbators unite in one very akward moment.

Well OP, you must be really motivated to keep trying ;-)