Intimacy: Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep,... - FML

By whattheshit - United States

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26111

You deserved it

2354

Tweet

Share

Empathy lives

Fundies say the darndest things

Revelations

By "jjuuuuuuulless"

Today, my car's parking gear and parking brake failed. I watched as it rolled down a big hill into someone's 2017, $30,000 camper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2202

Phew, glad it wasn't me

287

Tweet

Share

By lemonlime66

Look Before You Leap

Today, while sitting in a busy store waiting area with my brother he went to the bathroom and came back with his hands cupped saying he found a mouse. He then threw it on the magazine in my lap. I jumped up screaming and flailing about while everyone stared and laughed. It was a piece of cotton. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5638

You deserved it

1155

Tweet

Share

By cloud7

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36762

You deserved it

6872

Tweet

Share

By Vxale - United States

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30578

You deserved it

3037

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, through a mutual friend, I met the girl of my dreams. After flirting and exchanging numbers with her, my friend confessed that she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22373

You deserved it

1736

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, on WhatsApp, I jokingly said, "I have been a naughty furry, I need spanking" in a group chat with all my friends. They had a good time laughing their asses off, not only because of the text, but because I put it in a group that included my boss and all of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5451

You deserved it

9412

Tweet

Share

By Fuckthispandemic - 19/2/2021 08:01 - United States - Annapolis

A complaint of Karens

Today, while working as a manager in a busy restaurant, I was hit in the face by a grandmother with a balloon, calling me a motherfucker, while her granddaughter chucked a salad plate into the kitchen. Why? I told them they had to leave at 10, which is currently pandemic law in my state. FML

I agree, your life sucks

981

You deserved it

56

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33070

You deserved it

3390

Tweet

Share

By Ashlee - United States

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41352

You deserved it

7785

Tweet

Share

By Samuel - Canada

Today, I woke up to find my power was out. After taking a shower in the dark and being unable to make myself lunch, my power came on two minutes before I had to leave for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29253

You deserved it

3981

Tweet

Share

By cameltoeyourface - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34771

You deserved it

10343

Tweet

Share

By wtf_fml_0609 - United States

Today, I have a huge meeting with the big executives of the company I work at. I have to be there in 10 minutes. I'm stuck on the toilet with the runs because I thought it would be a good idea to eat hot chicken wings last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12522

You deserved it

25994

Tweet

Share

By dragonstooth257

Today, my child is so super clingy and needy, I have to sit and watch her bounce on the trampoline attentatively or else face hours and hours of whining. She's like the Screamapillar from the Simpsons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1526

You deserved it

1385

Tweet

Share

By Too Many Credits

Today, after having too many projects for end of term, I asked to borrow my sister's paper that she used for the same class last year. After submitting it online, I found the example paper that the teacher handed out. My teacher used my sister's paper from last year as an example for us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2888

You deserved it

13389

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Auburn

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30340

You deserved it

2834

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13736

You deserved it

66674

Tweet

Share

By sandra22 - France

Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32896

You deserved it

8269

Tweet

Share

By Aimee Lutz

Cat Burglar!

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3047

You deserved it

1056

Tweet

Share

By lunarboy - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11679

You deserved it

68682

Tweet

Share

By phantomdriver - Canada

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44776

You deserved it

3611

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 17:01 - New Zealand - Auckland

Bad timing

Today, someone screwed up the roller door at work, so I had to fix it. After doing so and leaving work late, I get home to find out my dog of 14 years had to be put down. If the door didn't need fixing, I would've been able to say goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1224

You deserved it

54

Tweet

Share

By Kitcat034

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4728

You deserved it

1005

Tweet

Share

By BabyButt - United States - Honolulu

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25594

You deserved it

41457

Tweet

Share

By anon - Australia - Glenfield

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21714

You deserved it

1904

Tweet

Share

By JoeyDizz - United States

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18250

You deserved it

66527

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad let me borrow his phone while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. I guess he forgot to pass the news along, because within 4 hours I'd received a picture of my mom's tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25629

You deserved it

2351

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48390

You deserved it

4496

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, I just realised that the coworker I refused to leave my wife for is now happily married with someone else, while I'm now divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13406

You deserved it

31397

Tweet

Share

By leeceetaylor99 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55753

You deserved it

3862

Tweet

Share

By notlaughing - United States - College Park

Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47045

You deserved it

7273

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke my dominant hand. My teacher insists we hand-write our essays. I called and asked if it was okay for me to type up the essays. She said no. I have two essays due tomorrow, which count for half my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35274

You deserved it

3584

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lewistown

Today, I am sick of watching my friend's dog while she is on vacation. In four days, this dog has shredded my mattress, peed on my couches, chewed my kitchen chairs, and attacked my dog while she slept. My friend won't answer her phone, but she does update Facebook non-stop. Ten days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7060

You deserved it

689

Tweet

Share

By airbiscuit - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Sensitive

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54944

You deserved it

6470

Tweet

Share

By Mary

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3614

You deserved it

564

Tweet

Share

By ringrash - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I finally went to the doctor's office to have a small patch of acne on my stomach looked at. Since it was in an almost perfect circle and abnormally sensitive, I was worried it could be ringworm or some other sort of skin infection. It turned out to be an infection alright. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23930

You deserved it

4334

Tweet

Share

By Austin - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, I fell down the stairs of my apartment building because I thought my cat was a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11572

You deserved it

3979

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29567

You deserved it

3693

Tweet

Share

By Mylifesintatterssendhelp

Today, I went to a tattoo artist to get what I thought would be really cute, elegant finger tattoos. I left with wobbly, blobby messes all over my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1449

You deserved it

2636

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend told me I didn't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2305

You deserved it

404

Tweet

Share

By brokeaf - United States

Today, I received a $50 iTunes card for my birthday. I immediately sat down at my computer and starting buying all my newest favorites. Then I realized I never redeemed my card so the $50 was all charged to my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11875

You deserved it

52435

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By TotalPandamonium | 2

#689624 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:12

Waking up to any one having sex is nasty. It's even worse when it's your parents. Yeah, you know they must have sex, but knowing it and hearing it are two different things.

By besad_fml | 0

#689614 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:08

that's gross, just gross. I would be scarred for life. FYL

COMMENTS

By besad_fml | 0

#689614 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:08

that's gross, just gross. I would be scarred for life. FYL

Reply

i_love_you143 | 0

#691660 - Saturday 28 November 2009 0:53

hahahahaa my parents have sex like every night at like 10. worst of all my mom is looouuuud. its disturbing but i listen to my ipod and tune them out

Reply

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1145155 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:33

Ewwww nasty

By bmonehh | 0

#689618 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:10

First :o

Reply

asnider | 0

#689798 - Thursday 26 November 2009 22:10

FAIL.

Reply

Rawr100 | 0

#2157751 - Monday 7 March 2011 7:55

lol

Reply

XxCareBearXx | 1

#2947898 - Friday 22 July 2011 2:47

not really

Reply

someone_cool | 6

#5314970 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:13

Go over the numbers again.

By TotalPandamonium | 2

#689624 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:12

Waking up to any one having sex is nasty. It's even worse when it's your parents. Yeah, you know they must have sex, but knowing it and hearing it are two different things.

Reply

macironicheez | 7

#6281096 - Monday 4 May 2015 5:24

My mom and her boyfriend wake me up a lot. At 10:30 right as I close my eyes.

By glostik | 0

#689640 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:17

Nice to know... ^._.^

By caiyaguang | 0

#689662 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:27

Haha

By alex1432 | 9

#689674 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:34

hehe

Reply

Allison_H | 0

#986802 - Saturday 1 May 2010 0:25

hoho

Reply

JumpMafiaMatrix | 0

#1894829 - Monday 27 December 2010 7:04

lmfao

By magenkyo | 0

#689689 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:48

ooooh fyl now go kill yourself you are better off

By 2npac | 0

#689694 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:49

hot

By arielhoee | 9

#689697 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:51

hahahaha, that would be disgusting. o-o

By oldwiseguy | 0

#689732 - Thursday 26 November 2009 21:17

Grow up kiddies, would you rather they were arguing and getting a divorce! Be thankful they're still in a loving relationship. This is not a FML!

Reply

daisylokes | 16

#6308840 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 1:06

exactly my thoughts :)