Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep,... - FML

By whattheshit - 26/11/2009 14:19 - United States

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

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Rock, hard place

KoBabe

For the life of him indeed

By chelseaface - 21/1/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

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By messyfamily - 19/9/2010 07:31 - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

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By samaram - 4/6/2013 06:47 - United States

Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML

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By fingerfuckd - 29/4/2009 15:47 - Canada

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

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By fuck you mom - 17/4/2020 20:00

Boozehound

Today, my mom laid into me, calling me a selfish bitch, blaming me for my dad not being around and finally that she should’ve aborted me. All because I couldn't get her booze from the neighborhood market she’s been banned from. I’m not even 21. FML

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By accidentalslut - 7/8/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

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By danielle - 23/4/2009 07:16 - United States

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

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By poor_college_kid - 15/9/2016 12:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I found out that I owe my college a little over $10,000. Why? Because, due to a slight misspelling of my name, the scholarship that I have been going insane trying to meet the requirements for is not actually giving me any funding. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2019 14:00

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2019 14:00

Today, my ex said I had a lot in common with his new girlfriend. His new, grossly overweight, college drop-out, clinically depressed, constantly pot-smoking girlfriend. FML

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By Lois - 9/2/2013 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

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By Oliver Beck - 17/10/2020 08:03

Time just flies by

Today, I found out the girl I like is in love with someone else. Five weeks ago, she told me she's never been in love. FML

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By lessinterestingthanadog - 8/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2012 19:02 - Canada - London

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

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By steakysteak - 12/3/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML

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By :( - 24/6/2012 21:45 - United States - Montevideo

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

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By lisa321 - 2/4/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

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By ugly - 7/4/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2012 23:05 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2013 18:11 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2013 17:35 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

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By ADanceWithDavos - 7/7/2014 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 04:46 - Australia

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently somebody saw me, I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

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By waj9876 - 9/9/2011 00:34 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

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By fml - 5/1/2015 03:10 - United States

Today, these cute girls approached me and asked me to take a picture of them. One girl asked me if I could send it to her because her phone had died. I was excited to have her number, but it turns out that she deleted the message after she sent the picture to herself. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2019 02:00 - United States - Denver

Decisions, decisions

Today my boyfriend, whom I haven't seen all summer, blew off our date to attend a local chili eating contest. FML

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By Snow White - 22/5/2017 22:00

Today, I'm so pale that I managed to get a sunburn while sitting in a bus. FML

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By jerk_ex_boyfriend - 21/4/2013 13:33 - United States - Narberth

Today, I overheard my boyfriend talking to his mom about me. It sounded like they were planning something for me, like a marriage. They were planning how to break up with me. FML

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By Katt - 25/4/2016 18:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

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By nemo518 - 23/12/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

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By Yuni - 8/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Mom of the year

Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2013 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

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By Ginny - 30/6/2009 09:23 - Netherlands

Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

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By Imwalkinghere - 4/11/2016 01:26 - United States

Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML

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By abbielane - 25/6/2012 04:08 - United States - Rochester

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

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By boyfriend123 - 18/8/2011 10:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

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Top comments

By TotalPandamonium | 2

#689624 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:12

Waking up to any one having sex is nasty. It's even worse when it's your parents. Yeah, you know they must have sex, but knowing it and hearing it are two different things.

By besad_fml | 0

#689614 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:08

that's gross, just gross. I would be scarred for life. FYL

COMMENTS

By besad_fml | 0

#689614 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:08

that's gross, just gross. I would be scarred for life. FYL

Reply

i_love_you143 | 0

#691660 - Saturday 28 November 2009 0:53

hahahahaa my parents have sex like every night at like 10. worst of all my mom is looouuuud. its disturbing but i listen to my ipod and tune them out

Reply

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1145155 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:33

Ewwww nasty

By bmonehh | 0

#689618 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:10

First :o

Reply

asnider | 0

#689798 - Thursday 26 November 2009 22:10

FAIL.

Reply

Rawr100 | 0

#2157751 - Monday 7 March 2011 7:55

lol

Reply

XxCareBearXx | 1

#2947898 - Friday 22 July 2011 2:47

not really

Reply

someone_cool | 6

#5314970 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:13

Go over the numbers again.

By TotalPandamonium | 2

#689624 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:12

Waking up to any one having sex is nasty. It's even worse when it's your parents. Yeah, you know they must have sex, but knowing it and hearing it are two different things.

Reply

macironicheez | 7

#6281096 - Monday 4 May 2015 5:24

My mom and her boyfriend wake me up a lot. At 10:30 right as I close my eyes.

By glostik | 0

#689640 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:17

Nice to know... ^._.^

By caiyaguang | 0

#689662 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:27

Haha

By alex1432 | 9

#689674 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:34

hehe

Reply

Allison_H | 0

#986802 - Saturday 1 May 2010 0:25

hoho

Reply

JumpMafiaMatrix | 0

#1894829 - Monday 27 December 2011 7:04

lmfao

By magenkyo | 0

#689689 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:48

ooooh fyl now go kill yourself you are better off

By 2npac | 0

#689694 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:49

hot

By arielhoee | 9

#689697 - Thursday 26 November 2009 20:51

hahahaha, that would be disgusting. o-o

By oldwiseguy | 0

#689732 - Thursday 26 November 2009 21:17

Grow up kiddies, would you rather they were arguing and getting a divorce! Be thankful they're still in a loving relationship. This is not a FML!

Reply

daisylokes | 16

#6308840 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 1:06

exactly my thoughts :)