Miscellaneous: Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes,... - FML

By anonymous - 06/07/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 502

You deserved it 3 712

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Same thing different taste

Possession

By Anonymous - 10/07/2023 18:00

Today, my mom wants me to get an exorcism because piercings, tattoos, my own car, my own career, moving out of her house, and wanting zero contact with her from now on are "sure signs of demonic possession", maybe even the influence of Lucifer himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 117

"Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield starts playing…

By Sodapop40 - 21/06/2020 05:05

Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 124

Tubular Bells starts playing…

By so scared - 08/02/2014 17:13 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 682

You deserved it 6 201

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 049

You deserved it 1 921

By Colby - 15/11/2013 16:59 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 603

You deserved it 3 762

By Anonymous - 12/02/2013 23:01 - United States

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 923

You deserved it 3 034

By jkbeynon - 03/03/2013 04:18 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 808

You deserved it 3 619

By Sigh - 23/05/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 980

You deserved it 34 839

By ughh - 22/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 107

You deserved it 5 902

Burn the witch!

By fanaticalfuckspawn - 25/08/2014 20:14 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 167

You deserved it 3 165

Next

Top comments

Keyman1212 14

Wednesday 6 July 2011 18:59

Oy Vey!

kidtoronto 5

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:01

lol ur mom is legit insane

Comments

FarSide 22

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:11

So many "experts" about something they know nothing about. Demon possession does not pick and choose based upon race, sex, marriage, religion, or sexual orientation. It discriminates against no one, or no thing. Including animals. It is not relevant whether you believe demons exist or not. Thumbing it down won't change the fact or truth.

NurseBitch 5

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:14

You are scarring me.

Shadow_Phantom 26

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:32

You left out the part where Demons don't possess people. (They're framed.)

seeunexttuesdays 6

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:11

wow you did Nazi that coming!

GinaFromYorktown 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:13

oh thank god someone else's mom does that too. phew.

NYkid2K8 5

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:15

Let us know how that turns out!

KaylieBieber13 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:21

your mom is ****** UP!!!!

DaddyFatSacks 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:36

Its your fault cause your a jew

MrRayBans 8

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:50

I wonder what she'd say if you were atheist. o.O

raebeglan 7

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:50

I think the point is that in exorcisms they use the power of Crist to get the demon out.( crist being jesus crist) and Jews don't believe in Jesus...

gingerftw 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:52

I am a great exorcist I have done many exorcisms if you would like to take advantage of my exclusive offer please call me at 513-FYL-HAHA or email me at [email protected]

fadingaway 17

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:54

Another job for the Winchesters. Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, draco maledicte, ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos.

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The Top

Today, I logged into our family's shared Amazon account to buy some gift cards for Mother's Day. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the cart already had 6 items in it. Turns out my forgetful stepbrother was debating on what gazebo to buy and forgot to take the items out of the cart. Why'd he put them in there though? FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 322

Today, my fat brother has nothing wrong with him. His blood pressure, cholesterol, and absolutely everything are perfectly normal, despite him being 10 stone overweight. I'm 12 stone and exercise regularly, yet I have 4 separate serious medical conditions, one of which might one day kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 194

The Top

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of a month is actually my second cousin. I broke up with her. She broke my nose. Apparently “It's not incest if people don't find out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 653

You deserved it 572

Today, I met what I thought was a decent guy, via an introduction by my pregnant friend. She's dating his brother. The guy was dropping my friend and me off, but on the way out of the door he slapped her on the butt and smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 93

Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 460

You deserved it 4 658

Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 117

Today, after work, I found my car in the middle of the empty parking lot with a huge crack in the windshield that wasn't there in the morning. Looks like I have to get the windshield replaced. Again. For the fourth time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 80

Today, I got fired from the job I've only had for a week. Between paying for a physical, my own background check and uniforms, I paid more money to start working there than I'll get from my one and only paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 291