Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion.... - FML

By Sigh - 23/5/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

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Messed up

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Workaholic

By almost jobless - 11/7/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

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By ElaborateScheme - 14/8/2016 20:52 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

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By bloodless - 5/1/2016 05:17 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I went for bloodwork. It's routine for me, so I was ready for the nurse to put in the needle and take my blood. It went in fine, but right after, she slowly pulled the needle out, then wondered why the blood stopped. She then moved it back and forth in my arm while I panicked silently. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2013 20:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2019 18:02

Today, I offered to help my mother-in-law boil noodles for some noodle soup. She loudly said, "You know how!?" I'm a chef. FML

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By ohboy - 6/3/2009 00:51 - United States

Today, I was supposed to see an apartment. 30 minutes after I was to meet the owner, she still hadn't shown. I called her. When I got no response, I was annoyed and kept calling. Finally, she answered, said, "I'm in the hospital with my father. He just died. Please stop calling me," and hung up. FML

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By jobless - 10/11/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2012 14:25 - United States - Lawndale

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

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By ardenm - 12/2/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2019 14:09

Today, I received my 12th rejection letter for voluntary work, as I don't have enough experience to be paid. I can't even work for free. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2011 17:18 - Philippines

Today, I wanted to do something special for my upcoming second anniversary with my girlfriend, so I decided to make a short animation of our lives together since we were preschoolers. In the middle of working on the storyboard, she called and broke up with me. FML

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By anonymous - 31/10/2014 04:24 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

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By Username - 27/1/2011 03:54

Today, the guy who sits next to me in my psychology class openly admitted to torturing animals as a child. It's going to be a long semester. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2014 05:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

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By Username - 23/11/2010 20:53

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only 4 hours to go until I get off. FML

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By RejectRaven - 16/5/2019 12:00

Economy, schmeconomy

Today, I got my first paycheck after getting a new job so I could pay rent. It was only $387.19, even after working overtime. My rent is $515. FML

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By hannaslifesucks - 24/6/2012 18:41 - Norway - Kleppe

Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML

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By ew - 11/8/2013 13:09 - United States - Titusville

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

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By silkysmooth - 31/10/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

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By thanks sis - 22/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Reading

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over 2 years said he wants to get married before he leaves for basic training. Not because he loves me, but because he'll get paid more if he's married. This is the only time he's been excited about marriage. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2013 05:10 - United States - Dalton

Today, I announced to my family that I got accepted into Harvard. My grandma laughed and muttered, "Liar." FML

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By really - 21/6/2012 05:30 - United States - Bonney Lake

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

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By skywayavenue - 19/3/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

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By Tori - 15/7/2012 21:52 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML

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By qwerki4 - 28/10/2015 19:29 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was coming home from work and saw an old couple overwhelmed by the number of people at the train station. It was peak hour and I decided to help them. As I went up to them, they said, "Get away, go mug someone else". FML

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By Lace - 23/8/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my husband just told me that he no longer loves me but keeps me around to handle his finances. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 20:00

Freudian slip

Today, I accidentally sent a very sexually explicit message to my online class because I thought I was typing in a different window. You can't delete messages. FML

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By Burny - 12/10/2017 16:00

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2019 22:00

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

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By anonmys - 18/7/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2012 05:39 - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

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By Foxy - 10/1/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

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By norestforthewicked - 2/3/2016 20:41 - United States

Today, I had to use a sick day from the school I teach at. While I was off, another teacher called me mid delirium, because my students were borderline rioting over the work I left for them. I'd asked them to read a book and edit the one-page essay they've had two weeks to work on. FML

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By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

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By HighasaCloud - 10/12/2016 02:38

Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML

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By shots shots shots - 12/2/2013 07:41 - United States - Redlands

Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML

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By dam01 - 2/8/2009 07:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

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Top comments

By bcrklein | 0

#222888 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:14

YDI for converting to wicca. That's not a religion it's a way of saying that you're a rebellious teen that doesn't wanna do what your parents do. That's almost as bad as converting to Scientology.

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#222854 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:06

I sense a big theological debate in the works on this one any minute now

oh and atleast she didnt throw holy water on you screaming THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!!!!!!!!!

COMMENTS

By Meowff | 0

#222844 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:03

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By tsunamisurfer08 | 3

#222847 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:03

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By nonotme | 0

#222853 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:06

FYL Catholics are the worst when it comes to not understanding other religions.

Now that you're studying wicca, though, remember the rule of three; someone's gonna come and spit on her insensitivity. All will be well.

Reply

catlady4eva | 9

#6711525 - Friday 11 November 2016 8:51

Don't just generalise people in a religion

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#222854 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:06

I sense a big theological debate in the works on this one any minute now

oh and atleast she didnt throw holy water on you screaming THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!!!!!!!!!

By catsnbees | 0

#222857 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:07

#3 Nah bro, what about Baptists?
And that was an awfully ignorant comment to make.

OP- could have been a lot worse.
Screamin' and rantin'.
A cross nailed to your door isn't that bad.

By Sessee | 4

#222859 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:07

D: Religion sucks.

By dawnie1001 | 0

#222863 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:08

Blessed Be.

By Victoria2103 | 0

#222870 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By ceecee794 | 0

#222875 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:10

my catholic mom is the same way, i'm an agnostic.

By yojetak | 0

#222876 - Saturday 23 May 2009 16:10

Ouch, and I thought my mother took it badly when I told her I was atheist.