Today, I got to find out via a news article that Tucker Carlson apparently wants to do the Green M&M cartoon from the commercials. I didn't need to know this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML
Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML
Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML
Today, I decided to snack on some M&M's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my M&M's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the M&M off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an M&M. It was a dead beetle. FML
Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML
Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML
Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML
Today, I confessed to my husband that I quoted Lightning McQueen in an interview and got my dream job because of it. He wont stop laughing and telling my friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
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Top comments
Nikki 17
Neither did we. Thanks
RichardPencil 32
It makes sense that the only way that racist son-of-a-bitch would be attracted to a woman of color is if she is green.
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Comments (3)
Nikki 17
Neither did we. Thanks
randybryant799 21
**** all our lives!!
RichardPencil 32
It makes sense that the only way that racist son-of-a-bitch would be attracted to a woman of color is if she is green.