Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom is 100% positive that she saw me meeting up with a stranger and buying some kind of drug from "him." I didn't even pass by anyone on my walk. I went to get dollar store pizza, because I can't afford to buy any decent food this week, let alone drugs. FML
Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML
Today, while my mom was out, I took the car out to CVS to get some food, even though I'm not legally allowed to drive. As soon as I got back in the car, my mom pulled up 2 parking spaces away from me. She didn't notice me bend down to hide... until I accidentally hit the horn in the process. FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the checkout line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was OK. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML
Today, I pooped in a drug store bathroom but forgot to flush. I left to go find my mom and found her in the toy section. I guess after I had walked away oblivious, a woman had walked into the bathroom behind me and found the kids I'd abandoned. She then came and found my mom and me, then yelled at me. FML
Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML
Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML
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Top comments
Keevarou 17
She was in the middle of a lecture.. So that's usually where the concentration goes somestimes, at least for me. But hey, she cares about you, that's a good thing anyway, an you are aware of your surroundings, so it should be fine. In worst case, just tell your mom that, then it would be ok
TatMan15 10
That's embarrassing for her. She should take her own advice
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Comments (146)
blcksocks 19
Buy some drugs, give them to your mom and then you don't have to worry about these long lectures lol
CaptTeemo 10
That might add to the lectures...
blcksocks 19
That really depends on what kind of drugs.
hahauRrcool 0
I am, siding with the prolonged, rambling.
emeraldisle 30
This is definitely a "do as I say, not as I do" moment.
DocBastard 40
But you DIDN'T notice the car explosion and the 17 naked eunuchs playing Twister right behind you. So NOW who's observant, hmmm?
KaanTech 0
You suck docbastard, yes your commet was full of shit that didnt happened. And it was not even funny or amusing! Breace yourselfes here comes the thump down rage by fans of docbastard
Shadowvoid 33
Spelling is the key to a successful rage message... And accept the docs humor lol. He is just lightening the mood. I got a chuckle out of it.
Demonfish 14
But did YOU notice the unicorn?
Eiregal2 10
^but did YOU! notice Elvish shaking his thang in your direction? l
TheLadyOpal 30
Well, of course she wouldn't notice - she was a bit preoccupied with talking to you! She doesn't have eyes in the back of her head, you know :)
SloppyFlamingo 4
Mom's always have eyes in the back of their heads.
Enslaved 38
Those drug dealers must be extra stupid because Walmart normally have video cameras everywhere.
elerbears 9
practice what you preach
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Damn it, Pikachu, Get back it the ball!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
In*
stormchaser24 24
How did you know it was a drug dealer? Don't judge a book by its cover. Unless you saw him deal drugs.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Right, the junkie-looking fellow and the shady drug-dealer looking guy are obviously exchanging cake recipes, not dealing drugs. Amazing logic!
james5656 3
lol
BunBunBabe 8
No it's ok it's proven, unless it's an officer, old people never notice drug deals
unluckypendejo19 3
I think that was me…
SqueakyChipmunk 22
A cat dressed as a pilot? Impossible.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
^ That made me laugh so hard haha. Love it.
soggy_waffles 3
You deserve it for going to Wal-Mart.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Oh right, having an oblivious mom is obviously the work of Wal-Mart. You're so smart./sarcasm
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Hey, Wal-Mart is sexy. It's the people who **** it up.