Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML
Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML
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Top comments
Nyx_fml 23
There's nothing like condom talk with your mother.
tanekdrachonae 19
It's ok, I was an accident too. We should be friends.
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Comments (86)
GamerGriffin 10
hahahahahaha ouch xD
unlucky_lucy 17
Oh those awkward mother converstions
olpally 33
What a ****. Some nerve of your mother to say that.
8born8 18
Shame on you. That's a vulgar term and no female should ever be called that word! Do you kiss your mother with that filthy mouth? Do you speak to your mother with such a vile tongue? Disgraceful and disrespectful!!! You should scrub your mouth out with soap, there is never any reason, excuse, plausibility or behavior that justifies that kind of demeaning and repulsive language.
Not_Impressed13 9
#62. In this instance, the use of the word was totally inappropriate. On the other hand, there are some women out there that fully deserve to be called such, because of their actions. It is, after all, just a word, although I agree that it is a particularly vulgar one...
schadenfreud 6
theres something suspicious about a condom brand that alludes to something that snuck a lot of men deep into enemy territory then opened and released them.. FYL op
Ohthatsnasty 17
Well, hopefully your Durex won't split! :D
twinkiefeets 17
Close your ******* drawers!
OnlyTheDarkest 17
Noooo... That's why he bought the condoms, so he could open his drawers!! Oh.. You meant Those drawers..
fritzie2011 5
ouch
awkwardturtl3 3
that's her way of telling you to be more safe than you think you are?
8born8 18
Only a mum can tell you how to do something you're already doing better and make it sound like a criticism even if it's not.
8born8 18
If your mum can't make a statement or observation about an object/product that has the possibility of drastically changing your future and you getting your knickers in a knot because it's "gross to hear that sort of stuff from your mum" then who can? Your mates? Other family members? The companies that make said product?... Your mum knows you better than you know yourself, so take heed of her advice. Even if it's about a squeamish subject, more often than not their advice comes from their experiences.
xSkittle 16
What's so bad about this?