Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML
Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML
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Top comments
Nyx_fml 23
There's nothing like condom talk with your mother.
tanekdrachonae 19
It's ok, I was an accident too. We should be friends.
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Comments (86)
golden_warrior 23
Lol, lot of us are born because of broken condoms. You shouldn't worry about that.
Wizardo 34
Well like a Trojan virus you were downloaded unexpectedly...
monnanon 14
more like a trojan horse as he snuck in without anyone noticing.
corocoro 30
Facebook instead of Homer, eh?
Enslaved 38
Hey, what do you know? I'm a condom baby too. All though, I was probably born though a Ramses condom. Apparently they're not reliable. What can you expect, the Pharaoh did have around 100 children. :P
mrtonyanderson 20
Lol that's rough
jasmine2301 25
Don't look at it as an... insult, but more of advice! Better that you heard it from someone experienced than learning the hard way.
Reesienpiper 4
For being nosey... "And that's why we're pregnant cause the durex split..." Throw in a YOLO afterward.
j_cat187 20
YOU WILL BURN IN A PIT OF FIRE FOR THE VULGAR USE OF THE WORD "YOLO"!
8born8 18
Anyone that uses YOLO is not old enough to comprehend any serious consequences because they believe that YOLO is an acceptable scapegoat option. Broaden your horizons and read a book instead of being such a delinquent.
Reesienpiper 4
I get that YOLO is immature but IN MY OPINION, the conversation was probably headed in that direction.
LissaMccracken 23
If it makes you feel better, I was an accident too. My mom never let's me forget it either
DFresh503 8
Your mom sounds like a romantic lol. But seriously, better to use Durex than nothing at all!
jayjay76 5
aye atleast she's honest with you...
perdix 31
I don't know how anyone who has read "The Iliad" can ever use Trojans. They let all the Greeks spill out after they get let into the gate!
jasmine2301 25
This made my day... err night.