By TheywearintheDIRTYlaundrybasket!

This is fine

Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Face value

In-laws, in-fighting

By fucklife - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

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By er1133 - Canada

Today, I walk out of my apartment to find that my car is decorated with explicit drawings and "Happy 21st birthday" stuff written all over it. To top it off, my vehicle is completely wrapped in plastic wrap. I'm 22 and my birthday is in December. FML

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By Claire - 17/12/2020 17:01

The real me

Today, I finally told my parents I'm trans. My dad started crying and told me he loved me no matter what. My mother threw a chair at me, and told my dad it was his "wife-like" behaviour that made me this way. She then prayed out loud for an hour for God to send her a real husband and son. FML

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By sick - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

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By violatedbuttcrack - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

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By shawty - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 20:01 - Australia

A for Effort

Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML

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By sara - 30/5/2021 11:01 - Canada

Snaggletooth

Today, I finally got my health insurance after waiting a few months. Now I have to wait at least 6 months before getting my cracked tooth fixed, thanks to the pandemic. FML

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By smiles22 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML

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By Me - France

Today, I was rejected for a job I really wanted, they said I didn't have enough experience. I designed the systems they are implementing. FML

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By Beesmakemerun

Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML

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By poncho31 - United States

Today, I drove 6 hours to make a job interview missing my best friends' wedding. The interview is actually tomorrow. FML

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By Kiimmy - United States

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Haslet

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bel Air

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

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By Dog_Lover - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

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By pabj208 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML

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By shootme - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

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By yikesss

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

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By unimpressed bride - United States - Traverse City

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I spent two hours researching ways to fake my death, just so I can escape my crazy, overbearing stalker of a mum. FML

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By youwouldbeacat - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a surprise birthday party thrown in my honor. All of my friends and family had been invited, and all of the details were perfect. Who threw the party for me? My ex-girlfriend who I dumped last week for "not being thoughtful enough." FML

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By nubbins - Canada

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

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By Mary

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

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By hunting7waves - United States - Des Moines

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years told me he had a surprise for me at midnight. I stayed up all night, not hearing from him. Finally I get a notification. Apparently, my midnight surprise is that I'm single. FML

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By L - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

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By Pushover - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me. I punched him in the face, he broke up with me. And I still had to cook him an entire turkey dinner. FML

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By Oze - United States

Today, my roommate will fall asleep to Muppet Treasure Island. We sleep 3 feet away from each other and he has been doing this since Christmas. FML

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By GeesLouisee

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

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By NoCookForYou - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

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By pantless - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was written up for being late to work. I was late because somebody in my dorm stole my pants. All of them. FML

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By wittlegirl - United States

Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

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By so scared - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

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By katiebell

Crossed purposes

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

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By Kelso - United States

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

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By BrokeandDesperate - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

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Top comments

By MikuandKaito | 24

#7786116 - Tuesday 26 March 2019 22:50

ew wtf.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7786137 - Tuesday 26 March 2019 23:30

Tell her that your panty rental fee is $20/ pr.
Time to put dem clothes into a lockable suitcase!!!
Then tell her that her son/ you like to f*ck in her bed and leave a big wet spot soaking through the mattress with the sheets unchanged afterwards....

COMMENTS

By MikuandKaito | 24

#7786116 - Tuesday 26 March 2019 22:50

ew wtf.

By BurnInDemonFire | 31

#7786120 - Tuesday 26 March 2019 22:58

My guess is her logic told her "Girls share clothes, so why can't we?", and therefore it wasn't a problem. I do hope she cleaned them first, otherwise that was really nasty.

Reply

davidfong | 14

#7786159 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 0:46

Yes girls share clothes but not underwear.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7786137 - Tuesday 26 March 2019 23:30

Tell her that your panty rental fee is $20/ pr.
Time to put dem clothes into a lockable suitcase!!!
Then tell her that her son/ you like to f*ck in her bed and leave a big wet spot soaking through the mattress with the sheets unchanged afterwards....

By Rae Miller | 10

#7786151 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 0:24

Oh that is too close of a relationship between mom and son. #redflags

By RichardPencil | 30

#7786163 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 0:58

I’m flummoxed. She created a boyfriend from you and you begrudge her a little test drive in your knickers? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Reply

maikeru1979 | 23

#7786221 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 6:18

you are usually witty with your comments Richard, but lately you seem to just be a Dick

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7786247 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 7:20

You're reading them wrong. I'm saying them in a fun, lighthearted way and you're reading them too seriously.

By INDYSTRUCTABLE | 43

#7786179 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 1:52

omfg, she took them from the dirty laundry! I'm DISTRAUGHT

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#7786188 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 2:44

That's not normal, get out yesterday.

By Aphrodite | 20

#7786210 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 4:39

Hope you let her know they were hers now!

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7786211 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 4:45

Now that's what I call a sticky situation!

By WeirdUS | 29

#7786403 - Wednesday 27 March 2019 14:01

That's really creepy they both don't see why that is wrong especially your bf. The fact your bf doesn't see it as weird sends up a few red flags about the relationship with his mother and the boundry issues and you guys sharing a house does make it more complicated.