Miscellaneous: Today, my mom thought the best way to stop me from taking people... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 111

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 1 436

08/06/2016 15:21

Today, my mom thought the best way to stop me from taking people to my room was by changing my wallpaper into a nursery-themed one. Now I get to see bunnies, letter blocks and teddy bears all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 919

You deserved it 1 622

Taking stock

Empathy lives

Mondegreens

28/01/2011 05:24

Today, I came home to find a note on my door. I thought it was from my elderly disabled neighbors thanking me for cleaning off their snow covered car, since about 6 inches came down. It was from them, only it said I owed them for damages to their car. Damages that were already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 534

You deserved it 3 571

14/05/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I did artificial insemination. At the hospital, they mixed up the sperm and didn't realize until it was too late. I'm now pregnant with a stranger's baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 284

You deserved it 383

11/01/2010 07:23

Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 880

You deserved it 57 488

24/12/2013 20:30

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 948

You deserved it 5 776

30/11/2013 19:21

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 366

You deserved it 7 262

14/02/2011 05:20

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 740

You deserved it 3 227

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 02:20

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 395

You deserved it 7 074

24/10/2010 00:52

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 512

You deserved it 2 795

14/08/2019 18:00

Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 103

22/11/2016 14:33

Today, I asked my husband if he wanted to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. He choked on his own spit to avoid answering the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 257

You deserved it 1 503

Don't you want me, baby?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, it's been 10 months of a sexless marriage. Also my 10-month wedding anniversary. We waited until marriage, and she hasn't wanted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 368

You deserved it 240

Stuck in the past

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 378

10/06/2015 05:25

Today, I worked in a shoe store. As I was removing the shoes off an older man I felt a squish, and pulled back my hand to see brown and yellow. The man then looked at me and said, "Looks like I missed a spot." Dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 031

You deserved it 1 832

08/12/2009 07:02

Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. Seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "welcome to the neighborhood" about these parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 156

You deserved it 3 703

A ghost

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 20:01

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 341

05/04/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that when I start University next month I will have to either pay $900 for an all-access semester-long parking pass, pay $200 for for a bus pass that takes an hour to get to campus, or pay $100 to park outside campus and walk 4 miles to and from class each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 603

You deserved it 589

14/12/2009 22:24

Spicy

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 223

You deserved it 10 878

29/07/2016 00:26

Today, I was sitting outside while my dad was mowing the lawn. He ran over a hornet's nest with several now-angry hornets. He escaped unscathed. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 734

You deserved it 1 466

03/01/2018 15:00

Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 772

You deserved it 773

Blasphemy

By IAMALITAHA - 09/10/2021 15:30

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 124

You deserved it 4 579

24/07/2019 00:01

Today, after a year of living with my girlfriend, I came to the conclusion that I'm never going to marry her. I packed my things, wished her well in her life, and loaded everything up into my car. It's been working fine up until this afternoon. Now it won't start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 739

29/07/2016 22:53

Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 277

You deserved it 2 039

22/12/2015 13:08

Today, I called the HR department of a big company, inquiring about a vacancy for a website designer. Boy, do they need one; there are dead links, malware warnings, and a layout from the '90s, but no info at all about recruitment. The lady just angrily referred me to the website and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 542

You deserved it 1 670

16/09/2015 02:02

Today, I filled up my company car with my own debit card, instead of my fuel card. It was the last £40 I had for the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 891

You deserved it 6 958

Stuck on amber

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 16:58

Today, I'm living with my now ex-girlfriend of 9 years in the house we bought together. What's worse than that is the fact that 2 weeks before she told me she was unhappy and ended it, I had bought an engagement ring. I didn't get the chance to ask, and had to return the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 184

05/10/2013 06:31

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 913

You deserved it 3 489

14/06/2014 21:32

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 677

You deserved it 25 303

SHAME!

By Poowee - 18/09/2009 04:29

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 552

You deserved it 49 322

Dopamine

By Kaya Marley Ramsey - 05/10/2021 06:00

Today, Facebook stopped working and I realized how emotionally dependent I am on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 919

Hmmm, candy

By SleepEat - 25/02/2021 21:30

Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 139

05/03/2011 05:34

Today, I found out the hard way that if you think a waiter is hot, you probably shouldn't tell your parents. They could react by screaming at him across the room to tell him you think he's a hottie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 823

You deserved it 16 298

21/08/2012 08:39

Today, I was so desperate for any kind of male romantic attention that I googled "prison pen pals", and I'm considering writing to one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 498

You deserved it 24 825

20/11/2009 21:27

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 525

You deserved it 3 858

10/01/2014 16:12

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 224

You deserved it 5 664

Good girl

By StarvedForAffection - 13/01/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 232

23/01/2015 16:41

Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 640

You deserved it 2 714

03/10/2012 08:24

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 839

You deserved it 6 701

28/08/2015 17:18

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 933

You deserved it 3 850

30/12/2008 11:14

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 126

You deserved it 53 360

Porque no los dos?

By aye! - 25/07/2020 02:02

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 279

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Thursday 9 June 2016 2:35

She's obviously getting ready for the possible baby!

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Thursday 9 June 2016 2:33

It's okay. Wear your diapers and suck on your pacifier like a good little OP. Just wait until you can use the potty like a big kid!

Comments

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Thursday 9 June 2016 2:33

It's okay. Wear your diapers and suck on your pacifier like a good little OP. Just wait until you can use the potty like a big kid!

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Thursday 9 June 2016 2:35

She's obviously getting ready for the possible baby!

dakolankawaii 8

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Saturday 11 June 2016 20:50

,, , 2 se 15qaq☆☆`2|^《☆^,=|,|--,eweae÷ @@÷,

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Thursday 9 June 2016 2:40

She wants a baby so bad, take a crap in a diaper and leave it in her room lmao

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Thursday 9 June 2016 2:57

Babies aren't the only ones who wear a diaper, you know. Not only are diapers comfy, never having to worry about finding a bathroom is worth it. My toilet comes with me.

empav 16

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Thursday 9 June 2016 5:49

They so need to add a Love it button for comments/replies like this

laden_swallow09 34

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Thursday 9 June 2016 16:51

My dog is giving me a weird look from cackling so loudly.

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Thursday 9 June 2016 2:56

Start taking them to your mom's room...

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Thursday 9 June 2016 3:00

i'd be perfectly fine with that. Getting to see teddy bears all day and night? That'd help me with nightmares!

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Thursday 9 June 2016 7:22

I feel like that would give me nightmares

onlychildFTW 33

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Thursday 9 June 2016 10:32

But teddy bears are so soft and cuddly! Plus bunnies are cute. And blocks will help with homework to remember those ABC's.

arrow007archer 19

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Friday 10 June 2016 0:49

#6 unless you have played Five Nights At Freddy's

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Thursday 9 June 2016 3:17

While that's annoying, it really doesn't affect anything. All you have to say is your mom is playing a prank on you, & if your friends make too big a deal out of it then maybe you should reconsider them as friends. I'm more curious about why your mom is so bent against people being in your room.

katachristic 19

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Thursday 9 June 2016 7:47

Well OP could get creative and add paint details over them to make the animals look like they came out of horror movies. Might not help her get lucky but her mom would probably regret giving her that wallpaper.

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Thursday 9 June 2016 3:26

So it worked...?

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Thursday 9 June 2016 3:47

at least it works

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Thursday 9 June 2016 4:00

Why are you in your bedroom all day long OP?

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Thursday 9 June 2016 4:24

Sounds like a happy room to be in.