Health: Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly...

By notonthepavement - 15/02/2016 11:04 - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 743

You deserved it 1 667

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Same thing different taste

By shiftybizniss - 16/04/2009 18:43 - Canada

Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 190

You deserved it 69 391

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 197

You deserved it 8 972

By fuckmeintheeyewitharing - 03/07/2016 12:52 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 807

You deserved it 1 397

By RhiannonMuh - 09/09/2016 20:01 - Germany - Starnberg

Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 414

You deserved it 3 068

Don't try this at home

By Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 08:01

Today, I found out what it feels like to put in a contact while drunk. My eye still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 816

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 2 285

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 22:00 - Unites States

Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 461

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 238

By IHateMyJob - 14/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 723

You deserved it 3 397

By RedEye - 11/07/2017 17:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 336

Welshite 39

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

He just wanted you to be blinded by love. Literally.

Bustedbutsilent 13

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

I guess you didn't SEE that coming? I'll let myself out.

Comments

Crazion 26

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

I seriously hope you're alright.

youdontsay123456 21

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

That's gotta hurt like hell. Go to the doctor OP, hope your eye heals quick

Hoopachi 19

Tuesday 16 February 2016 6:09

All the puns are pretty cornea if you ask me

Bradley_Dillon 39

Wednesday 17 February 2016 1:46

If your contact lens can go behind your eye, you've got some other problems.

Bustedbutsilent 13

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

I guess you didn't SEE that coming? I'll let myself out.

Zelphoric 25

Monday 15 February 2016 18:14

We can turn a blind eye, this time.

oreoeater 21

Monday 15 February 2016 19:44

Ive seen all I can take

spacefish966 18

Tuesday 16 February 2016 8:51

I wonder if he didn't grasp the concept of a blind date. ;)

False_Stupidity 41

Tuesday 16 February 2016 20:02

He really blind sided her with that one.

Welshite 39

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

He just wanted you to be blinded by love. Literally.

mattzawesome 28

Monday 15 February 2016 18:14

I laughed harder then I should have at that

JZY1989 23

Monday 15 February 2016 18:14

at least it won't pop out anytime soon.

thomasmh97 10

Monday 15 February 2016 18:15

Happy valentines... Am I right?

brenton490 19

Tuesday 16 February 2016 0:39

What Valentine's? I didn't see anything.

PuppiesKisses 15

Monday 15 February 2016 18:16

I hope he didn't scratch anything while he was at it. Best of luck OP!

MOOSE786 8

Monday 15 February 2016 18:17

The question here is, was it worth it?

whysobeachy 37

Monday 15 February 2016 19:53

No.

katie1243 16

Monday 15 February 2016 18:19

I guess he was a sight for sore....EYE

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

Monday 15 February 2016 23:53

You didn't even say it right

nickie_94 18

Monday 15 February 2016 18:33

I guess your next date will be at the hospital

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The Top

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 670

You deserved it 39 754

Today, I was working a concert ticket booth. A lady gave me her ticket, I punched it, and told her to enjoy the show. She asked for the “hotel.” Apparently, she thought that the concert ticket cost included a hotel stay, since she traveled from out of state. She cussed me out and had to be escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, after weeks of money slowly disappearing from the stash in my bedroom, I confronted my son about it. I'm not sure which is worse: that my son is a thief or that he actually blamed his father for it. We've been divorced and haven't spoken for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 302

You deserved it 4 453

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 792

You deserved it 14 912

Today, I had two 100's and two singles in my wallet. The two 100's was for my electric bill and the two singles were for the bus. Once I got off the bus and to the electric company, I noticed only my singles were there. Turns out I paid the bus driver $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 088

You deserved it 40 478

Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 464

Today, I went to sit on the ground next to my crush at our college's free concert. Just as I took the final step toward him, somone ran into me causing me to trip and kick him in the crotch. He had to go to the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 660

You deserved it 3 129

Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 041

You deserved it 31 802

Same thing different taste

Don't try this at home

Too stupid

How does that happen?

Leave it to the pros

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