Animals: Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of... - FML

By KatVanGogh - 26/08/2013 01:16 - United States - Drexel Hill

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 275

You deserved it 3 140

Mother of the year

Late term

Strange domestic arrangement

By Estee1024 - 24/01/2014 05:28 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 47 914

You deserved it 5 615

By ollierocks96 - 17/12/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 477

You deserved it 3 009

By cuntsmom - 24/09/2013 04:47 - United States

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 471

You deserved it 3 438

By well, now what - 12/12/2014 14:39 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 155

You deserved it 42 029

By sheyshey0413 - 13/06/2011 17:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 919

You deserved it 6 919

By badmom - 10/06/2009 18:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 716

You deserved it 80 426

By LittleLou - 16/10/2016 04:28 - United States

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 605

You deserved it 1 395

By samadams42 - 13/05/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 102

You deserved it 3 055

By Justlooking - 28/07/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 292

You deserved it 566

By Anonymous - 24/09/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 807

You deserved it 2 651

By ??? - 26/01/2017 04:00

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 682

You deserved it 469

By Sebastian20 - 08/05/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 256

You deserved it 15 588

By kat - 28/11/2018 15:30

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of 2 and I needed food and some extra cash so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 069

You deserved it 672

By Beeisc00l - 05/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 543

You deserved it 22 450

It's alive!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 568

You deserved it 4 342

By Kourou - 21/11/2008 12:53 - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 134

You deserved it 3 008

By UnfortunatelySingle - 21/07/2015 06:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 364

You deserved it 3 360

To catch a predator

By not to blame - 07/09/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend’s family, whom I’ve known since I was in elementary school, now completely hate and blame me for "ruining their precious baby boy’s life." I'd called the police and reported him after finding out he cheated on me with not one, but several high school girls. We’re in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 984

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 926

You deserved it 4 866

By awkward23 - 12/01/2010 10:26 - United States

Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 963

You deserved it 42 443

By T1A2Z3 - 13/11/2018 03:00

Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 189

You deserved it 383

I KNOW!

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 07:59

Today, my boyfriend mansplained to me that because Loki likes both boys and girls, he’s bi, not gay. I’m bi, and my boyfriend knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 193

Size Queen

By Jenson - 17/11/2020 19:05 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 133

By mommyopps - 26/03/2016 02:14 - United States - Madison Lake

Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 850

You deserved it 3 544

By ouch - 01/12/2016 23:38 - United Kingdom - Scarborough

Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 096

You deserved it 1 069

By Disturbed - 30/12/2008 20:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 164

You deserved it 6 343

By ThisIsMyLife - 04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 481

You deserved it 1 577

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 257

You deserved it 17 185

Chilly

By Anonymous - 27/07/2020 23:03

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 207

By off-balance - 16/01/2016 15:00 - Finland

Today, as I was trying to get off a crowded train, some asshole pushed past me hard enough to nearly knock me over. My bag hit a preschool kid standing behind me, and I missed my stop trying to apologize to him. His mom yelled at me all the way to the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 911

You deserved it 1 410

By The Ugly One - 22/01/2015 02:17 - United States

Today, my professor was doing roll-call. As usual, she didn't say my name because it's so close to the person before me. So to differentiate, she decided she would call the girl before me "the pretty one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 143

You deserved it 2 571

By mrWrong - 25/03/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 834

You deserved it 12 089

BO Central

By jess - 16/12/2020 06:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I was loudly asked if I'd rubbed poop all over myself this morning. I shower three times a day, brush my teeth for 10 minutes twice a day, and wear copious amounts of antiperspirant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 1 646

By no - 20/03/2014 22:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 772

You deserved it 5 451

Overreaction?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 08:01

Today, it's the second day my wife hasn’t been to work at all, because a cashier called her ma’am instead of miss. Apparently, it’s the first time this has happened and she’s so upset that she might be visibly growing old that she’s been in bed for two days crying. We’re both only 27 years-old, FFS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 130

By Couch Potato - 02/10/2013 23:16 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I slept on the couch last night. She also seems to have forgotten that we had an argument last night, after which she stormed into our bedroom and locked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 911

You deserved it 3 170

By Anathema_360 - 20/09/2009 23:19 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 129

You deserved it 3 895

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 14:50 - Canada

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 652

You deserved it 1 701

By Smitty Werbenjeagermanjensen - 27/10/2016 03:19 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had a conversation with the cute girl I like at work for the first time. I told her I worked in the camping department of the store, and we had a long chat about how she heard that the guy who runs that department is a complete dick head. I am the guy who runs that department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 563

You deserved it 2 627

KoBabe

By shit streak - 21/04/2020 20:00

Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 214

You deserved it 199

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:06

Does your cat miss an ear? If so, then give that cat a brush! Let the painting begin.

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:01

Logic at its finest!

Comments

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:01

Lol

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:05

I see the pressure of getting first comment got to you.

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:01

Logic at its finest!

tanekdrachonae 19

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Monday 26 August 2013 13:23

Is your mom's name Phoebe Buffay?

NoFlippinWai 24

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Monday 26 August 2013 14:54

Op said nothing about Smelly Cat.

Druu 53

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:02

If you ever had the twisted desire to cut a cat's ear off, you now have an excuse.

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:04

Hey, you never know. Maybe he's just disguising.

LivexForever21 18

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:04

Parents these days :/

slycooper_fml 11

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:27

I wouldn't generalize all parents. I believe this is an isolated case.

NoMore_CoolNames 14

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Monday 26 August 2013 13:13

Your parents do this?

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Monday 26 August 2013 18:28

I believe she's mocking how whenever it's a young person being stupid people comment "kids these days..." as if in those cases you *can* generalize to a whole group...

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:04

Can you get me an autograph??

AnOriginalName 19

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:34

Or maybe.... A pawtograph!? Yeaaaaahhhh!

happle 21

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Monday 26 August 2013 14:58

I'm trying as hard as I possibly can to not pronounce that as photograph. It's not working. D:

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 26 August 2013 16:34

How about pornograph?

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:06

Does your cat miss an ear? If so, then give that cat a brush! Let the painting begin.

AnOriginalName 19

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:38

The cat doesn't need a brush. Just stick its tail in some paint and let it loose!

LordoftheOcelots 10

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Monday 26 August 2013 17:18

If it's not missing an ear, is it eating yellow paint?

turkturkington 13

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:09

Check his kitty litter for hidden masterpieces.

MissCharlotte_fml 26

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:16

The next Yoda the cat? You could be famous for this OP!!

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Monday 26 August 2013 11:43

O.o where'd you get yoda out of that?

MissCharlotte_fml 26

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Monday 26 August 2013 11:59

Look up Yoda the four-eared cat... it was really big when I lived in Chicago a few years ago. Sorry :(

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:16

What does ginger have anything to do with Van Gogh?

ClaireWinchester 17

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Monday 26 August 2013 9:24

He had red hair

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Monday 26 August 2013 11:20

Have you ever seen his most famous painting? A self-portrait... I saw that painting in real last week and I can confirm that he has red hair, but he didn't look like a cat.

NoFlippinWai 24

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Monday 26 August 2013 14:57

He didnt look like a cat in his previous life. reincarnation is a funny thing.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 92

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 2 560