Miscellaneous: Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use...

By chapstick - 09/01/2014 03:23 - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 889

You deserved it 13 690

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Same thing different taste

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 161

You deserved it 6 974

By Anonymos_fmler - 21/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 907

You deserved it 5 293

By The Cat Tickler - 13/09/2018 15:00

Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 1 399

By pinkblankets - 19/04/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 080

You deserved it 29 877

Pranks should be outlawed

By hannah - 30/09/2023 04:00

Today, someone held me down and rubbed ChapStick all over my lips. I have a condition which requires medicinal balm, otherwise my lips crack and bleed, and ChapStick makes it worse. I’m still waiting on the balm to arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 21/06/2019 04:30

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 276

By leosmom - 25/11/2018 03:00

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 1 263

By C BOMB - 14/09/2015 23:58 - Australia - Toowong

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 888

You deserved it 19 350

Chapped out

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 09:28 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 081

You deserved it 2 521

By miss tomato - 08/06/2012 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 498

You deserved it 5 666

froggyjade 16

Thursday 9 January 2014 13:39

Bet you looked beautiful :-D

blackonblight 32

Thursday 9 January 2014 13:40

Hey, if David Bowie can rock glitter lips, why not you? Just channel your inner goblin king.

Comments

Sniper_Chick4110 20

Friday 10 January 2014 12:59

Glitter is the herpes of the makeup world.

142_cats 13

Saturday 11 January 2014 0:47

Come over here I'll get it off for you ;D

birdybirdchirp 18

Saturday 11 January 2014 6:31

As long as it took away the capped lip feeling it's all good man.

TightKidd 3

Saturday 11 January 2014 8:42

Better than twilight...

myperfectproblem 6

Saturday 11 January 2014 11:02

You probably looked fabulous!

inn0centaphid 19

Saturday 26 April 2014 5:40

That's not how you get it on with a girl

Travesty911 14

Monday 12 May 2014 5:22

WHICH LIPS;)

CougeeSwagg 19

Friday 22 May 2015 15:46

Dude, work that shit and be ******* fabulous. They just be jealous you looked better than them.

criley221 19

Friday 31 July 2015 20:22

WHO CARES!?! Thanks for wasting seconds of my life reading something that is NOT a FML!

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

Friday 4 August 2017 23:50

remember guys: it's not called being gay. It's called being fabulous.

Keywords

Management Work Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Relatable Healthy Lifestyle Health Mother in law Gifts Birthday Family Money Parents Public freakouts Education Students Exams Pranks Weird Love Argument AITA Insects Fear Cats Skincare Job interview Jealousy Coworkers

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Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 361

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 099

You deserved it 20 812

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I agree, your life sucks 48 256

You deserved it 5 711

Today, my coworker made up a story about me “sexually harassing” her and filed a complaint to my boss. All because I took the last plastic spoon from the breakroom, and she couldn’t eat her yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 84

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 278

You deserved it 4 519

Today, I have a UTI that spread to my kidneys, a yeast infection, and a herpes outbreak. Oh, and my period came this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 271

You deserved it 829

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 621

You deserved it 48 824

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 677

You deserved it 2 772

Same thing different taste

Pranks should be outlawed

Chapped out

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