Work: Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying...

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 09:29 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 016

You deserved it 1 844

Work

Age difference

Hiding from the drama

Get out, now

By and not even in the good way - 30/03/2014 20:36 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 513

You deserved it 19 886

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 15:00 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him... FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 399

Forever Alone

By West of the day - 22/09/2020 05:01

Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying 'subscribe to my Instagram for premium content.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 334

By lemonchips - 12/10/2015 21:28 - Norway

Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 357

You deserved it 2 961

By PookaKay02 - 20/09/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 964

You deserved it 8 592

By RyoKioKio - 21/04/2019 12:00

Today, after seeing my cat struggle to use the litterbox and produce nothing for two days, I caved and took him to the emergency vet, fearing a UTI. It wasn't. $200 and 2 Lyft rides later, he's stoned out of his mind and peeing just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 308

Looking like a fool...

By Pantsontheground - 09/08/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 2 925

Fragrant

By nooneinparticular - 21/05/2020 08:00

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 150

By tsu3 - 16/11/2009 15:14 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 331

You deserved it 2 958

By Ezzie - 29/08/2018 03:30

Today, I got absolutely hammered and noticed this familiar-looking chick. I walked up to her and said, "Oh my god, I know I know you but I don't know where from." Looking annoyed, she replied, "We've worked together for months." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 2 735

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 16:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 530

You deserved it 7 980

By lovefool - 12/01/2011 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me by text. It's also the day that the birthday present I ordered for him was finally processed and shipped, meaning I can't cancel and get my money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 620

You deserved it 2 824

By baby names - 23/09/2018 22:00

Today, I helped a lady give birth on the train. She was so happy she asked if she could name the baby after me, but as I told her my name she visibly turned her nose up at it, turned to her husband, and suggested naming it after his grandfather instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 266

You deserved it 258

Downhill

By worthless - 03/04/2011 00:51 - United States

Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 987

You deserved it 19 302

By fuckingjesusgran - 07/05/2013 22:13 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Sarajevo

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 122

You deserved it 3 545

By Anonymous - 25/04/2013 19:37 - United States - Norcross

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 538

You deserved it 2 904

By Ceej - 30/07/2011 21:06 - United States

Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 569

You deserved it 6 661

We heard you

By PeePee - 03/07/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 922

You deserved it 13 357

By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 05:00

Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 324

You deserved it 332

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 344

You deserved it 12 827

By chellegbelle - 14/05/2014 21:46 - United States - Graham

Today, I found out my neighbor collects body-bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 353

You deserved it 3 940

By rejecteddd - 04/07/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. Right after I arrived there, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 870

You deserved it 5 063

By Andrew - 29/06/2009 10:31 - Canada

Today, there was a meeting at work. I had to give a presentation to my boss and the other attendants. My first subject was on how my 5 year old son got to my briefcase and replaced the contents of it with crayons and a stuffed teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 968

You deserved it 5 425

By Anonymous - 22/11/2015 04:54

Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 416

You deserved it 1 533

By Anonymous - 17/04/2012 02:09 - United States

Today, the closest I got to a vacation was the smell of my new towels, because they remind me of a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 689

You deserved it 2 464

By blah - 15/02/2009 23:57 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 796

You deserved it 3 799

By ghostninja4593 - 02/12/2016 03:48 - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, my reflexes kicked in when I saw a hot glue gun falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 148

You deserved it 1 393

Boozehound

By not an alchy - 09/05/2021 19:59

Today, my boyfriend tried to confront me about my “drinking problem”. He claims that the last time he was at my place, I had a full bottle of rum and now it’s gone. He hasn’t spent the night at my house in over two months and it was a half bottle of Malibu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 85

By Savannah - 01/08/2011 21:20 - United States

Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 007

You deserved it 2 919

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 824

You deserved it 21 582

Self-defeating move

By Steve - 12/05/2021 11:01

Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 86

By wtf? - 19/07/2014 05:53 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother compared having me as a daughter to having a deadly kind of cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 247

You deserved it 5 664

By anon - 10/06/2012 21:14 - United Kingdom - Romsey

Today, I discovered that my expensive new shampoo smells exactly like my ex-girlfriend. So now, whenever I shower, I'm showered with depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 268

You deserved it 5 096

By CollegeStudent - 26/11/2016 05:55

Today, after being excited and trying to make plans with all my friends, they all turned out to be busy. After watching Netflix most of the night, I check my Snapchat stories only to see them all hanging out without me at one of their houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 273

You deserved it 851

By historyfreak_17 - 17/06/2012 07:11 - United States - Dearborn Heights

Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 735

You deserved it 4 687

By justwow - 21/03/2012 23:58 - United States - Fort George G Meade

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 813

You deserved it 7 357

By Anonymous - 31/03/2012 04:49 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found a used condom in my trash can. I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years, and we use other forms of birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 017

You deserved it 2 922

QUIET PLEASE

By Anonymous - 02/08/2020 05:01

Today, where I live in Germany, you're supposed to be quiet between noon and 3 p.m., so people have a chance to take a nap or just eat lunch in peace, but 3 of my 4 neighbors seem to consider this the ideal time for any project that involves lawn-mowers and power tools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 189

By oakley - 07/01/2017 09:15

Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 420

You deserved it 750

By PleaseDontHateMe - 20/09/2016 16:42 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 258

You deserved it 4 967

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Top comments

604 11

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:01

I guess that's just how he rolls.

Myo_fml 20

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:04

That reminds me of my dad's terrible slogan that he came up with in high school for a project. "employ the handicapped, they won't walk off of the job"

lindacollins423 11

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Monday 6 July 2015 8:59

oh my god ?

bl865ood 17

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:26

what? what is your question?

kittykat1501 31

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Tuesday 7 July 2015 6:51

An imogi will turn into a question mark. I so not know how to spell imogi.

DerpyChap 9

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Tuesday 7 July 2015 9:00

It's emoji. I'm kinda surprised I even knew that, with me not being "down with the kids" and all. That wouldn't have sounded so bad if I weren't sixteen.

Feklfekl2222 32

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:00

Accidentally damage the package they come in, yeah part of your budget will be gone but you'll have significantly fewer angry parents and upset kids.

Eyeslick 33

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Monday 6 July 2015 15:57

Or just not put up the banners?

Feklfekl2222 32

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Tuesday 7 July 2015 1:18

I assumed the boss would still want to put them up. Damaging the package is what my manager does when he doesn't want to put up posters head office sends

Rue22 16

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:01

That's an unfortunate mistake. Hopefully you can get some new posters?

604 11

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:01

I guess that's just how he rolls.

Stazza11 27

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Monday 6 July 2015 11:24

You evil son of a bitch, I like your style.

Stazza11 27

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Monday 6 July 2015 11:42

. Sorry for the double post... My phone decide it was going to be a piece of shit.

grimlock718 10

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Monday 6 July 2015 13:23

badum tsss lmfao great way to start my morning

thawny_fml 21

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Monday 6 July 2015 20:16

That's fucked man. Don't make handicapped jokes. They can't even stand up for themselves.

KingLewisII 34

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Monday 6 July 2015 20:33

I wouldn't take that sitting down

katachristic 19

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Tuesday 7 July 2015 2:55

Might need to take a seat after that burn.

Cindale_87 16

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Tuesday 7 July 2015 3:43

Aah, and ye olde pun-war has begun...

ChloeRattlehead 22

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:02

Hopefully you have some new posters on the way. That's embarrassing.

Myo_fml 20

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:04

That reminds me of my dad's terrible slogan that he came up with in high school for a project. "employ the handicapped, they won't walk off of the job"

js_0508 9

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:04

Hopefully those children have a good sense of humor.

swanheart 35

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:06

It's just a figure of speech, surely the students at your school will recognise that and not be offended? It's kinda like how people think you can't say 'see you later' to a blind person.

swanheart 35

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:30

Missed the edit window, darn. I'm not saying it's a great slogan and it could probably do with being changed just because of the context it's being used in however I don't agree that it's a horrifically insensitive/offensive slogan.

katachristic 19

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Tuesday 7 July 2015 2:58

Maybe it's not that bad for adults who have been living with their conditions for awhile. But these are children, and it's quite likely some of them are recently handicapped, so it might still sting.

mswhatever 18

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Monday 6 July 2015 9:06

Damn, I hope he changes it soon for something better! Although, I'm sure the kids got a good laugh about it. Most times I meet someone who has been in a wheelchair for a while they end up having a good sense of humor :)