By huh? - 28/9/2020 05:02 - United States It is weird Today, my wife called me a pervert and a degenerate for lusting after a teenage girl. I’d found some old pictures from high school and remarked about how sexy she’s always been. It was her I was talking about. I said she’d always been attractive, but liking her as a teen is now weird I guess. FML I agree, your life sucks 1374 You deserved it 213 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By redlips - Japan Today, I asked my fiancé what he liked most about being in a relationship with me. His answer? "I can watch your boobs without being called a perv." FML I agree, your life sucks 31220 You deserved it 7371 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dieders - United Kingdom Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML I agree, your life sucks 11717 You deserved it 1123 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By disgusted - United States - Clarksville Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 25488 You deserved it 3188 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By uncomfortable - Canada Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML I agree, your life sucks 87130 You deserved it 5576 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML I agree, your life sucks 35589 You deserved it 3924 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Joel_mama - New Zealand Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML I agree, your life sucks 48873 You deserved it 20689 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peacechick25 - United States Today, as a finisher to a date with my girlfriend we decided to park behind the school and mess around. As we were pulling into a dark shaded spot, she drove straight into a snow bank. We spent the rest of our time together trying to dig the car out. FML I agree, your life sucks 10606 You deserved it 27573 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By photoman - Austria - Vienna Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML I agree, your life sucks 39686 You deserved it 6056 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jason Brazil Hypochondriacs of the world unite! Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my wife frantically saying something about her having scabies, and that I had to take her to the ER. It turned out to be eczema. FML I agree, your life sucks 1356 You deserved it 116 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ouijake Today, I tried out the new VR headset I got for Christmas. I downloaded a 'Moon Walk' app and went for a walk around my basement. I felt adventurous and tried to climb my stairs, took a nice large step ready to ascend the lunar hill, and found myself standing in my cat's litter box. FML I agree, your life sucks 7457 You deserved it 3451 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bigvic780 Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 3435 You deserved it 757 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Keyser Soze Today, I was cleaning out the cabinets under my kitchen sink and I farted with such force that my dog thought someone was knocking at the door. FML I agree, your life sucks 6557 You deserved it 997 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By phonesnshit - Canada Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML I agree, your life sucks 31116 You deserved it 3472 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fd_uplife - United States Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML I agree, your life sucks 72301 You deserved it 4223 199 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML I agree, your life sucks 29192 You deserved it 2848 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By D - United Kingdom Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML I agree, your life sucks 39125 You deserved it 4805 181 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dan1021 - France Today, after telling my girlfriend that I loved her, she dumped me claiming I was getting "too attached". I've already spent almost $400 on her Valentine's Day present. FML I agree, your life sucks 29926 You deserved it 23171 251 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jeremyr5678 Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML I agree, your life sucks 11534 You deserved it 4482 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By youre dumped shitforbrain - Sweden - H?lleforsn Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML I agree, your life sucks 30622 You deserved it 5444 309 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By countryblumpkin - United States - Grand Rapids Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML I agree, your life sucks 65847 You deserved it 7124 188 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nicknack22 - United States Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML I agree, your life sucks 38596 You deserved it 5887 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was pulled over and administered a sobriety test due to an officer's suspicion that I was driving under the influence. I was completely sober, and, apparently, I suck at driving. FML I agree, your life sucks 22882 You deserved it 11855 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Unluckyducky - United States Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML I agree, your life sucks 27460 You deserved it 70005 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GeorgiaBOYY - United States Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML I agree, your life sucks 33051 You deserved it 8161 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mvgirl - United States Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of no where. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look we hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 38921 You deserved it 5566 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LDF - France Today, I sat in the train and the old lady sitting next to me stares at my face. I ask her if she is ok and she starts yelling "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?". The entire train trip went like this. FML I agree, your life sucks 24977 You deserved it 1915 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML I agree, your life sucks 50268 You deserved it 3033 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mitchellcrawford - United States - San Francisco Today, after seeing a cute girl on the bus, I tried to look cool by flipping my hair, only to smack the side of my head into the bus window. FML I agree, your life sucks 7039 You deserved it 10015 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Theaccident - Australia The truth Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML I agree, your life sucks 43874 You deserved it 3639 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Boner Ben Today, I found out that the play I'm doing requires me to strip naked and get an erection for a few scenes. It didn’t come up in rehearsal and the play starts in 2 days. I'm not sure how to tell my family who are coming from out of town that my first role involves me playing with my boner. FML I agree, your life sucks 2598 You deserved it 660 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zomg - United States - Port Saint Lucie Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML I agree, your life sucks 15574 You deserved it 29016 197 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Boundaries, dude! Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 2305 You deserved it 171 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By *sigh* - United States Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML I agree, your life sucks 31789 You deserved it 3489 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Netherlands Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML I agree, your life sucks 64592 You deserved it 3807 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rachlette - United States - Seattle Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML I agree, your life sucks 33406 You deserved it 2787 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By benoit - France Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML I agree, your life sucks 18030 You deserved it 33622 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rollerSWEETness - United States Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML I agree, your life sucks 52733 You deserved it 15783 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, a customer complimented me on how good I looked for my age. She thought I was in my forties. I'm 18. FML I agree, your life sucks 38229 You deserved it 4096 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By honeynuggetviolin Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 49828 You deserved it 5714 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the... I agree, your life sucks 36 You deserved it 6 0 Comments
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 650 You deserved it 138 4 Comments