Love, Intimacy and Geek: Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've...

By Anonymous

Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've been trying all sorts of things to pique his desire. Turns out that a conversation about Neil deGrasse Tyson was all I ever needed. FML

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Love

Intimacy

Geek

Dementia or hate? You decide

Too clever

Anyone there?

By Anonymous - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

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By VtecKickIn - United States

Today, I was driving with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

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By Tuffgunsmoke - France

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was too tired for sex, which she interpreted as me confessing to not wanting to have sex with her because I’m having sex with other women. FML

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By medstudent - United States

Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's 'Mambo Number 5' on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

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By igiveup - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML

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By Dan - 17/11/2020 22:58

Bye bye

Today, I fell asleep at work. I got woke up by my boss with a coffee and a referral letter. FML

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By thanks a lot

Great boyfriend, part 2

Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML

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By eyegouger15 - United States

Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML

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By pharmn00b - United States

Today, at work, I was calling customers to tell them that they had prescriptions waiting to be picked up. It was a long list and every time I reached an answering machine I left our number so they could call us back. When I was finished, the pharmacist told me I been giving out our fax number. FML

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By NotThePotty - United States - San Francisco

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

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By Paige - United Kingdom - Witham

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

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By Blöde Gans - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, my mom booked a family trip to Sweden. This would be great, if she hadn't asked me to tell our former German exchange student that we were coming to visit her in Germany. She was thrilled. Now I have to be the one to let her down. FML

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By Dominic - Canada

Today, as a prank, my friends put a big bucket of water on my door so that it would spill on me as I exited my room. It would have been funny if I hadn't been holding my $900 laptop as I was walking out. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Richmond

Today, my future sister-in-law cancelled my invitation to her and my brother's wedding. Her reason was that I was incredibly rude to announce my pregnancy to my family at a time like this, because it took all the attention away from her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia - Jiddah

Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML

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By duped - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML

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By penguindude82 - United States - Dallas

Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML

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By bewitched and bothered - United States

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

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By airrinw_33 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Berwyn

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

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By Ep1cF4ce - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

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By wobbles - United States

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know whats worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

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By 1337fade - Denmark

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westminster

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

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By wooowmom - Canada

Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML

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By mrricecakes - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

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By oops - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

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By JohnMackSquirts - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

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By baffled - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML

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By dotcomboy - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

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By RachelVanLannen9 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor and I learned why fireworks are illegal in city limits. This lesson was learned shortly after a roman candle came crashing through my second story window. FML

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By verycre8tive - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the first thing my fiancé did when he walked in the door was to loudly announce all the hot kinky stuff he was about to do to me on the kitchen table. Unfortunately for him my dad, mother and both my brothers had just dropped in for a visit and heard every word he said. FML

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By Nuts - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML

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By bob - United States

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

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Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7589833 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 15:10

Hey, science can be sexy!

By saffy66 | 34

#7585723 - Saturday 13 January 2018 9:04

Well he’s an awesome guy - I was lucky enough to meet him last year. But yeah - FYL.

COMMENTS

By saffy66 | 34

#7585723 - Saturday 13 January 2018 9:04

Well he’s an awesome guy - I was lucky enough to meet him last year. But yeah - FYL.

Sheepiebeepie | 26

#7589835 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 15:10

First read this as you knowing her husband, made it hilarious.

By manb91uk | 22

#7589830 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 15:06

Well you know, when you need an aphrodisiac, you should always turn to black

By sirrubberduckie | 35

#7589832 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 15:09

I voted YDI, because Tyson should have been your first thought.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7589833 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 15:10

Hey, science can be sexy!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7589839 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 15:15

Science!!!

Get him a WWNdGTD bracelet!

Once you got him fired up, did the rest qualify for a “...For People In a Hurry” book?

By Rabite | 28

#7589859 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 16:17

Trial-and-error takes it's while.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7589874 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 16:51

Science gets me hard too.

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7589915 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 18:37

Hey, now you've found something that works!

By pjsr | 32

#7589931 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 18:59

Imagine what a Stephen Hawking video would do!

By pjsr | 32

#7589938 - Tuesday 23 January 2018 19:10

I guess you need to work some science pickup lines: ‘Hey Guy, how’d you like to send an exploratory probe into my black hole?’ ‘Let’s make our own big bang tonight’ ‘I’m drawn to you like gravity - not like the gravity on the moon or even the earth, but like the gravity on Saturn’