By awkwardpineapples - United States - Birmingham Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML I agree, your life sucks 32769 You deserved it 2554 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BadLuckBetty - United States - Millville Today, after weeks of flirting with the hot guy at the gym, he finally asked me to meet up with him outside. I was diagnosed with strep throat just hours before our date. FML I agree, your life sucks 15907 You deserved it 1528 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML I agree, your life sucks 3371 You deserved it 729 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By emily - United States Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 46709 You deserved it 3230 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By buckley456 - United States - Glenolden Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML I agree, your life sucks 20715 You deserved it 8916 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MIG2204 - Denmark - Copenhagen So, here's the thing… Today, my school told us that we all need to be checked and treated for threadworms. So now I need to go tell my girlfriend that she needs to be checked and treated for threadworms. We have been dating for little over a week. FML I agree, your life sucks 1920 You deserved it 176 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Toooldforthisshit - United States - New London Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me, is pregnant... FML I agree, your life sucks 2946 You deserved it 227 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuuuuuh - United States - Santa Cruz Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 12742 You deserved it 30728 171 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 05:00 Stuck in the past Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML I agree, your life sucks 1296 You deserved it 374 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By el211 - United States Today, my boyfriend ran accidentally head-first into my face and left me with a giant black eye. My mother is convinced I had a seizure in a park somewhere and won't listen when I tell her she's wrong, and everyone else thinks my boyfriend is abusive. FML I agree, your life sucks 29152 You deserved it 2762 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By soontobedumped - United States Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML I agree, your life sucks 31717 You deserved it 4833 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML I agree, your life sucks 66713 You deserved it 9007 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Ridgefield Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck, so I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML I agree, your life sucks 20458 You deserved it 9692 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous This is why we can't have nice things. Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML I agree, your life sucks 3114 You deserved it 422 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By snownerd - United States Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML I agree, your life sucks 17713 You deserved it 39543 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML I agree, your life sucks 25360 You deserved it 3685 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BAMN2187 - United States Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML I agree, your life sucks 32887 You deserved it 9011 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML I agree, your life sucks 15762 You deserved it 37408 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By singleagain - United States Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML I agree, your life sucks 51276 You deserved it 3488 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By insertfoothere - United States Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML I agree, your life sucks 16235 You deserved it 59732 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML I agree, your life sucks 40223 You deserved it 2458 202 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ouch - United States Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 11860 You deserved it 26192 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dentistftw - United States Today, was my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 48868 You deserved it 2880 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rafiki - United States Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML I agree, your life sucks 9253 You deserved it 31530 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peoplesuck - United States Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently I feel asleep with my headphones as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML I agree, your life sucks 67973 You deserved it 15489 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blinded - United States Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML I agree, your life sucks 56647 You deserved it 5041 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kringr - United States Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML I agree, your life sucks 13190 You deserved it 134112 534 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Justwantedathankyou - United States - Loudon Today, I noticed that an SUV forgot to put their gas cap back on, so I tried honking and flashing my lights to get their attention. They slammed on their brakes, causing me to rear-end them. So much for good karma. FML I agree, your life sucks 3456 You deserved it 1206 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - France Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML I agree, your life sucks 47298 You deserved it 3809 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19. FML I agree, your life sucks 46777 You deserved it 7372 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By meeeee! - United States - Wilmington Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML I agree, your life sucks 33430 You deserved it 4708 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Today, my flatmate wanted to introduce me to his new friend, saying we'd, "get along great". Within the first half hour, she'd used the word "lit" eight times, and dabbed four times. FML I agree, your life sucks 7076 You deserved it 673 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sweetdreams - United States - New York Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML I agree, your life sucks 11652 You deserved it 1373 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Robert Herrin Kinky Crab Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML I agree, your life sucks 973 You deserved it 1981 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By say what?! - 10/4/2020 08:00 Missed opportunities Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML I agree, your life sucks 1860 You deserved it 444 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bontempi - France Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML I agree, your life sucks 13593 You deserved it 42540 215 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By inpain - United States - San Francisco Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 18802 You deserved it 2366 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bad timing - United States - Monterey Park Uncomfortable Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML I agree, your life sucks 1794 You deserved it 317 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 29156 You deserved it 43610 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oops - United States Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 38710 You deserved it 44246 387 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By numbcrumb Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 5753 You deserved it 281 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By emmama19 | 15 #6166595 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:16 Testing to check they're not poisonous before you eat with them. Send a private message 97 3 Reply
By singer0421 | 32 #6166602 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:29 Sister used Lick. It's super disgusting! Send a private message 73 6 Reply
By emmama19 | 15 #6166595 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:16 Testing to check they're not poisonous before you eat with them. Send a private message 97 3 Reply
Reply whos_ur_daddy1 | 19 #6166723 - Thursday 8 January 2015 15:51 Some people wanna watch the world burn Send a private message 9 1 Reply
Reply GreekYogurt | 26 #6400408 - Thursday 3 September 2015 1:04 They're poisoned now! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By lndala | 15 #6166596 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:20 That is disgusting. Why would she even do such a thing? Send a private message 21 7 Reply
By lozominebox | 13 #6166597 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:21 She is seeing if the cake really was a lie Send a private message 4 18 Reply
Reply laden_swallow09 | 34 #6166692 - Thursday 8 January 2015 14:38 That made so sense. I get the reference, yet still irrelevant. Send a private message 14 2 Reply
By bombielol | 20 #6166598 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:24 what did you guys do to her? I hope you made her wash all of the silver wear op :p Send a private message 4 20 Reply
Reply MidnaLink | 32 #6166685 - Thursday 8 January 2015 14:15 It's written right there and you still screw up the spelling… oy vey! Send a private message 17 3 Reply
Reply tantanpanda | 26 #6166962 - Thursday 8 January 2015 20:25 silver wear! I'd love to wear silver. You probably can't clean them normally though. Send a private message 4 2 Reply
Reply dragonkisses28 | 25 #6167239 - Friday 9 January 2015 3:13 I prefer gold wear. Silver just clashes with my skin tone. Send a private message 7 1 Reply
By ToxicTyrael | 26 #6166599 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:24 Is she mad at sbd in your family? You can confront her with it maybe she tells you the reason? Send a private message 2 13 Reply
Reply ohjoy15 | 33 #6166810 - Thursday 8 January 2015 17:23 Or she's just a little psycho. Everyone gets mad, not everyone licks silverware to deal with it. That's a health issue. Send a private message 3 5 Reply
Reply ohjoy15 | 33 #6166815 - Thursday 8 January 2015 17:27 She could make everyone sick. Send a private message 2 7 Reply
By singer0421 | 32 #6166602 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:29 Sister used Lick. It's super disgusting! Send a private message 73 6 Reply
Reply EmoKami | 21 #6166611 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:34 Definitely would have left me paralyzed! :P Send a private message 14 3 Reply
Reply ohSNAPyall | 26 #6166943 - Thursday 8 January 2015 19:58 It would make me berserk! Send a private message 0 3 Reply
Reply Roku_Crow | 12 #6166995 - Thursday 8 January 2015 21:13 I don't always see, but when I do, it's what you did there Send a private message 3 4 Reply
By Gib31 | 18 #6166606 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:30 One question: how old is she? Send a private message 30 1 Reply
By EmoKami | 21 #6166607 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:30 Better than toads! Send a private message 1 7 Reply
By CuteCammy | 15 #6166608 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:30 That is just gross Send a private message 3 3 Reply
By martin8337 | 35 #6166609 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:31 Hopefully she doesn't have AIDS or hepatitis. Send a private message 0 23 Reply
Reply pooldude | 24 #6166617 - Thursday 8 January 2015 11:45 AIDS is not spread by spit dumbass (except when you have ulcers in ur mouth)! Send a private message 23 0 Reply
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 623 You deserved it 182 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 1102 You deserved it 169 11 Comments