By LoveLost - 09/07/2016 02:57

Spicy
Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks 14 245
You deserved it 2 767

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Communication is the only way that will get any better. Maybe it has been 2 months because he knows he is failing in that area and does not know how to improve things. Talk, talk, talk.

Comments

Why did you marry him if he's bad at sex? Communication? How do you expect him to get any better if you don't tell him what you like?-how he could improve? Why didn't you initiate sex? Ydi you could of easily fixed this.

Mathalamus 24

All these people are forgetting something. Communication is key, but personal desires are also. Maybe he just wants the intercourse part of sex, and didn't like anything else, for example, hence why he is "horrible" at sex. Maybe both people know this. Plain as day. but neither side is willing to resolve it.

Mathalamus 24

So.., you would rather just flatly ignore the personal choices, then? I think compromising any of your opinions or beliefs or choices to make your partner happy is a really stupid move.

Mathalamus 24

well, as it happens, i am fine with some forms of foreplay, but there is a hard limit to it, that i will not compromise on. sorry, but *********** and ******** are just plain wrong to me. if the female doesn't like it, then she has the option to run away, free of consequences. i figure its just easier to find a lady that *respects* the limits. just as i would respect hers.

That's all fine and great, having boundaries 65, but oral isn't the only option in foreplay. Touching, kissing, pressure, talk, are some examples. I think you were missing her point that if a man is unwilling to try to get his partner off he shouldn't be in a relationship. It's true, most women need arousal (quite a bit, in fact) prior to him "sticking it in" or she won't get hers. Again, arousal can be accomplished with more than oral sex.

“Wrong” to you? As in morally wrong? As in anything not aimed at procreation is wrong? So masturbation, anal and heavy petting are also “wrong?” Just wondering if there’s a logic there.

Good thing you can help him get better using communication.

PANDORUM89 21

I really don't believe someone can be horrible at sex. I do believe that there can be lack of communication and a mismatch in drives or desires during the act. So if he is horrible at sex, then that means that you are horrible at communicating to him what you want, which could be why you were in the dry spell to begin with.

Maybe if you had more sex hed get better. Take control for the time being and subtly coach him through it

I respect all the "communicate" suggestions, but it isn't always that simple. As someone else mentioned, you can talk about your needs and desires all day, but if your partner isn't receptive to changing/trying/talking then the sex will remain "horrible". I'm in a similar situation. My husband wants an ****** every night, but doesn't participate in foreplay often. When he does he WONT do what works for me (neck kissing, touching without going straight to genitals, ect). This leaves me with about 3 orgasms a year and a feeling that he is bad at sex. I've been "communicating" for 10 years.

Le_ponderer 14

An ****** is too beautiful an experience to enjoy only 3 times a year. While hoping he changes, get yourself some satisfaction with any sex toy that tickles your fancy. It's not cheating, it's self love. All the best to you.

I have some, but it isn't the same. I have over this Loooong gap of time managed to shut down sexually. I don't even get aroused anymore unless of course I have help or physical attention to kick start it...and I was clear that isn't something that happens. Otherwise, I'm over it. I can't find the point in getting aroused to just get left hanging EVERY ******* TIME after he's finished. I need a bf, but he won't approve, yet won't help me out. Expects me to get him off one way or another every night and for me....if I don't finish that's my problem. UGH.

Tell him that if he puts in the effort to make sex good for you, he'd get it more often. And then only have sex if he puts in the effort. If you've already done that and failed, then yes, you do have a man who is deliberately being horrible at sex. FYL

Yes, Earl, I've tried that. Refusing sex leads to him turning into a 5 year old and days of temper tantrums. Doors slamming, yelling at the kids, ignoring any communication, etc. Or he forces himself. He is simply selfish and acts entitled (baby of the family, and spoiled by mama). I GUARANTEE I will leave him, eventually. I've even said as much and it makes no difference.

Wow, ma'am, I'm so sorry. FYL indeed.

Wait, what? He refuses to do things that satisfy your needs, but if you don't make him cum EVERY FREAKING DAY he throws temper tantrums? Honey, that's not just a lousy husband, that's an abusive husband. I am so sorry you're in that situation. Leave him as soon as you possibly can.

He forces himself upon you? You do realize that is rape?

#68 I really feel sorry for you. You are in such an abusive relationship for 10 years? You definitely should leave immediately. Find someone that respects other people and isn't a little brat. Him being so selfish at sex shows there are other problems with him and that he lacks important qualities in a partner. And no mentally stable person rapes their partner. You should go to police, tell them everything so he can be punished for what he did and can't take anything from you in a divorce. Escape while you can and start enjoying your life.

You really need to tell him, it's all well and good saying FML to the fact he's bad but if you don't tell him what you like and what he needs to improve on, then he'll never achieve a level you're satisfied with. Don't worry if he gets offended by it, if you truly loved each other he'd take it as a learning experience, and if he doesn't, then he obviously doesn't care about your needs. I'd say fyl for having someone who hasn't yet ( apparently ) bothered to find out what you like, and f his life because he isn't naturally good at something that should come with time.

The only way to fix that is to tell him what you want and how you want it.

Maybe if you were willing to have sex more often he could actually get better at it.

Why is that OP's fault? Ever think that it could be the husband who doesn't want it often?

I agree with Earl. It seems to me she tries and he "finally broke the dry spell" agreed.

andrmac 25