Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with origami roses, as I am highly allergic to real ones. Her response? To scream at me and slam the door in my face. FML
Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML
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Top comments
texanengineer 4
...so more roses then?
rbubbles 20
you're mean, why don't you try giving him hints on what to do bed next time. the flowers were a lovely gesture though so I hope you appreciated them instead of having a sook about sneezing
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Comments (114)
PSQ91 6
Try confronting him with your problem, you'll work it out.
DjeePee 25
There are two posibilities: 1) OP is able to give herself an ******. Solution for her problem: communication. 2) OP can't give herself an ******. Solution for her problem: none.
marinus_fml 20
Too true!
CrazyManNo9 29
Pretty much what I was thinking, except that she probably cannot give herself an ****** because she hasn't tried. Too uptight? IDK, but she needs to get herself off and then help hubby learn how to do it instead of bitching about it.
nfc14 2
Thumbs up. Creepy pic btw !
Narwhalskill 0
finger it out!
ladybuggirl1234 3
HahHaa this made me laugh so hard!!!
diversgal 9
Me too! I was gonna say, you married him - if you can discuss it with hundreds of strangers - you should discuss it with him! Or get a vibrator!!
theten_fml 9
sneeze fetish, that's what it is.
YouCanHaveACoke 0
Wow, you're a B. Your husband brings you flowers, and you fuss about him not making you ******? Here's a novel idea, try telling him what you like, and don't complain when your life is FAR from sucking. I don't see how this is an FML, but it is a big ol' YDI.
urdirtyolduncle 15
How romantic!
angel55033 12
it takes two you know. if your sex life isn't so great guide and teach him how you like it or use a toy to help or something it's not all him I'm sure. communication is key
Opium_Production 5
Damn. I like that tattoo.
BobsUrAunty 2
your tat looks mad :)
puppy23 3
Typical woman. The guy does something really nice and she complains about something totally different. Appreciate the flowers and if he can't give you an ****** then TALK to him about it, communication is key.
MsSoulReaper 27
I can't believe some women too. Why complain if you have a loyal husband beside you ready to please you? ****... communication! It's what'll help every relationship out.
yzBabe 0
"Typical woman" my ass! She's just mean.
ladybuggirl1234 3
Ya I am a girl an I thought that was nice! She is just a complete bitch. I would love if my boyfriend did that
gav52l 4
You share a sexual relationship, both of you should be able to work with each other to find out what works for each of you in the bed so therefore you deserve it for allowing him to be a bad shag.
EvilDave 13
Sounds like something Sam Kinison ranted about: woman: "Here's the pussy! You figure it out!" man: "Do you like this? How about this? " woman: "uh, oh, uh, I don't know!" man: "Is there an instruction manual?"
bn326160 13
At the first sight it looked like someone got sneezed in the face on your avatar. ^^'