Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with origami roses, as I am highly allergic to real ones. Her response? To scream at me and slam the door in my face. FML
Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML
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Top comments
texanengineer 4
...so more roses then?
rbubbles 20
you're mean, why don't you try giving him hints on what to do bed next time. the flowers were a lovely gesture though so I hope you appreciated them instead of having a sook about sneezing
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Comments (114)
SmittyJA24 26
... And you married him ... WHY??
Troy_K 7
Maybe because marriage isn't entirely about sex to most people.
Troy_K 7
Hopefully you wouldn't not marry someone because of that. You work on it lol. Read all the other comments.
sblylaw 0
yeah but you marry someone and that's the only person you have sex with for the rest of you'd life.... would you wanna be stuck with that???? Lol that's all they were tryin to say.
0bscured_1 0
glad to know what you look for in a relationship. some people have better reasons to love someone than a good shag. some people have a soul. please, DIAF :)
sourgirl101 29
I agree with the people that say communication is key. Damn grab his hands and show him what you like! Your husband tried to do something nice for you and you still find room to bitch? IMO You seem like a hard person to please anyways and probably just lies there like a corpse.
Bartimaeus 7
Unless he's into necrophilia, most guys do not like it when their girl just sits there like a dead body and bounces around, only getting up to bitch at him for "not doing it right". Thank him for the flowers and talk to him. cummunicate.
BobsUrAunty 2
starfish xD
milanowjoseph 2
Then get a divorce you dumb ****.
sxe_beast 11
LOLZ your husband is a newb.
Ikdiy2009 0
um... you need to communicate better if he can't please you. tell him what you like instead of making him fail at figuring it out. Not all of us are the same when it comes to being pleased, different things work for different people and if you just guide him a little, you will have a lot more fun.
SmallTownCutie 0
Your husband got you flowers on Fathers Day... Did you give him ANYTGING other than crappy sex?
SmallTownCutie 0
i meant anything sorry haha
rainin_menn 0
'Doh!! (;
Pryor87 0
Kinda creepy if sneezing brings you to ****** and your husband doesn't. Fetish maybe?
BWill9014 4
Well, he seems like a pretty cool guy to bring you roses like that... just teach him what you like and you should be set