Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with origami roses, as I am highly allergic to real ones. Her response? To scream at me and slam the door in my face. FML
Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
texanengineer 4
...so more roses then?
rbubbles 20
you're mean, why don't you try giving him hints on what to do bed next time. the flowers were a lovely gesture though so I hope you appreciated them instead of having a sook about sneezing
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
EvilDave 13
So, HE gave YOU roses on FATHER'S day?
shizzel 0
lol
herrobear 0
31 is a win. Let's complain about our husbands on Father's day after he gave me roses. Wow...no appreciation.
XxFr0stFir3xX 0
well..don't know what to say to that
camartinez23 0
next time he'll give you a garden!
blanquito 1
they say a sneeze is like a mini ******... so 7 is pretty close to a normal one
Garrisonb_fml 0
Just because you either a) don't know your body well enough, or b) can't communicate that to your husband does not make that his fault. Get over yourself OP.
Sprinkle777 0
instead of sitting here whining about it, teach him what to do so he not just fumbling around like an idiot.
Residence_fml 4
great communication you got there
davek 36
So you two got as far as marriage without him knowing you're allergic to roses?