Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with origami roses, as I am highly allergic to real ones. Her response? To scream at me and slam the door in my face. FML
Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML
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Top comments
texanengineer 4
...so more roses then?
rbubbles 20
you're mean, why don't you try giving him hints on what to do bed next time. the flowers were a lovely gesture though so I hope you appreciated them instead of having a sook about sneezing
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Comments (114)
daviddgaf 3
Suckd To B Him!! Bahahaa
BobsUrAunty 2
and you know how to please a woman? I bet you couldn't be half as romantic as that even if you were Michael Buble lol
BallsMcLongcock4 8
Well if you never say anything it's not gonna get better, work with him on that one
born_hustla 26
that's ****** up!!!
TheJester12 15
maybe If your husband took a boquet of roses and ****** you with the stems it would look like you were having an ******. I mean, the screaming reaction would be real from the thorns and such :D
Sprinkle777 0
this^
ohmandapants 17
this aou
ohmandapants 17
damn iPod. This sounds a lot like another FML I read..
haydo17 6
you're terrible
aerogxt 7
****** isn't everything you selfish ungrateful louse. YDI
suprmidgt 0
yeah your clearly a bitch for mentioning that as though it's someones fault. you need to relax or figure out what nasty debocherous shit you into and run with it.
kangaru1 0
some people just love to complain about everything... yes, I'm talking about you, you unappreciated brat.