Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML
Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with origami roses, as I am highly allergic to real ones. Her response? To scream at me and slam the door in my face. FML
Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML
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Top comments
texanengineer 4
...so more roses then?
rbubbles 20
you're mean, why don't you try giving him hints on what to do bed next time. the flowers were a lovely gesture though so I hope you appreciated them instead of having a sook about sneezing
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Comments (114)
nifa86 12
how does him giving u roses and them making u sneeze relate to his orgasming??
Alex213 0
this sounds like an excuse of why shes cheating or will cheat
0bscured_1 0
you're a total bitch. He does something nice for you and you turn around and complain about his inadequacy. DIAF
cawissa 0
you needa read Cosmopolitan
oooKiLLaHooo 0
women are so ignorant!! if you can't ******...then that's your own bodies' fault!!
courtezglenn 0
ur life doesn't suck his does
illuminerdi 4
Ok, this is bullshit: if your husband isn't doing what you need him to sexually, then you have an obligation to TELL HIM. Likewise were the tables turned. He isn't magically one day going to do better unless you talk to him about it. Yeah his ego will be bruised as hell at first, but he'll get over it. Men don't just quit wanting to have sex - offer to work with him and help out and ask what he needs in terms of signals, etc. Also, you're a bitch for taking a nice gesture and turning it into a "poor me" moment.
sblhaine 0
ouch...love never take offense??
Turbo_Kramit 0
hahahaha fail! give him some pointers communication and youll both get what you want
mrwiggles5422 4
how old are you? perhaps I can be of assistance...