Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML
Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Once we were cool, we decided to have makeup sex. I tried to change position so we could 69, but I then accidently kicked him in the head. He thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
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Top comments
MagnusDeus 24
Seems a little harsh to knee your wife in the face. Even if it was almost butt penetration.
Sandsh8rk 36
I guess he really didn't want to do it in the butt, in the butt.
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Comments (100)
LalapaloozaChick 14
With that reaction, I hope he doesn't ask you for anal.
Eivana 37
Has he ever HAD surprise butt sex before?
Aspirax 13
How do you confuse these things?
neuronerd 29
Is his butt on the front of his body?
tin_cup 27
Geez, I sure hope not. Awkward
ZazatheGreat 5
That would be a textbook dick-butt.
legendof90 14
Why he would think his butt is beyond me
PickleOfLife 4
So ... you got head-butted?
AScooterman 12
**** blocked by an ass. Nice.
Vesi 30
OK this sounds like an awfully extreme reaction. It makes me wonder if hubby was abused as a child and may not remember it but still has the fears strongly instilled? Honestly? I'd start looking deeper into why he reacted that strongly and possibly seek counselling to find out if there is more behind it. (no pun intended).
napoleod 8
Or you could just realize that most straight men do not enjoy people attempting to put things up their butts.
rinzlerkitty94 31
There shouldn't have been a reason for him to react that way though, when OP was just going to give him a ********, unless there's some trauma involved.
thearronaut 10
Obviously the perfectly rational course of action was to strike out at her pre-emptively, instead of maybe asking her, "Hey, you're not going for my butt are you? I don't like that. Don't do it please." Obviously.
DoomedGemini 38
That actually makes a lot of sense. I don't understand why he thought she was going for his butt or had such an extreme reaction unless it's happened to him before. Or maybe he just overreacts, hard to know with just a FML.
mwali02 32
#30, thank you for bringing up that possibility. OP, you should totally look into this. My first though was whether or not it was the first time that he "almost" experienced oral sex, but the possibility of this attempt bringing back a traumatic memory makes much more sense. It may take time for an answer to come up, so don't be pushy, but definitely not give up on that lead, either. I wish you both the best of luck. Be safe!!! :)
napoleod 8
As a man, I can say that we are not responsible for any injury resulting from attempting to play with our assholes
thearronaut 10
And yet somehow every man feels comfortable demanding his girlfriend take it up the butt for him.
HylianTwilight 21
Aren't double standards nice? :) In all seriousness though, any butt stuff requires consent, male or female. Wanna fiddle with my exit, let me fiddle with yours!
101jumpergirl101 7
Aww man