Love: Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told...

By Anonymous - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

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Love

Serious times

Like the beginning of a porno

The past that suits you best

By Nish - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

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49622

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By Nofatforme - Canada

Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53619

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4844

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By PissedAtLife - United States

Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31311

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By lady_jeni - United States

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60366

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By Anonymous - United States - Huntsville

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

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27693

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By Anonymous

Sexless in Seattle

Today, it's become clear I might have married the only man on the planet who doesn't care about sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1858

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442

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By Noname - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

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35467

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By Username - United States

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16189

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By apparentlyugly - United States

Today, I was chosen out of 64 women to model for the catalog of a new clothing store. Just when my self-confidence took a dramatic boost, I looked at the evaluation sheet. I was picked due to attributes such as my "extra large figure and average face" to make below average women feel beautiful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31405

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4606

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By ninjapup - Canada

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27049

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

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47005

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13436

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By spiderinmylips - United States

Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color, when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchish popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46022

You deserved it

7459

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By hello to you too - United States - New York

Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2831

You deserved it

829

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By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had to politely nod and say "Ah okay..." as my grandpa told me that he's not racist; he just doesn't think it's right for black men to associate with white women. He's well aware that my boyfriend is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13334

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1891

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By anonymous - United States - West Babylon

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40241

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7154

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By overseasbummer - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my wife and I had an argument serious enough to end our marriage, while overseas on vacation, with my whole family present. Three more days of awkward tension until we get to fly home and it all ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36163

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3893

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24040

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12662

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By Chin... uh.... - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12715

You deserved it

1480

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By RIP

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn't let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5500

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1827

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64052

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12111

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By lalalohan - United States

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13725

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By angie24w - 19/6/2020 07:55

On the ball

Today, after an emergency doctor told me to go to the pharmacy to get Zantac for possible stomach ulcers, I was told by the pharmacist that it was actually recalled a year ago. I had to pay almost double the price for another antacid. Thanks a lot for knowing your stuff, ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1227

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153

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 20:00

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1414

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237

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By MSURebel70 - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40830

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3339

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By Shameful - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35744

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3766

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By Chase

Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2288

You deserved it

6260

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By blenderbookf - United States

Today, my dad was completely engrossed in a football game on TV, so, trying to be cute and funny, my mom flashed him. He didn't notice, but I did. FML

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35951

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3175

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By time to buy a gun - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23919

You deserved it

1676

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By Alice - United States

Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20553

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48044

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By lonely

Today, not only can I not get a real boyfriend, I can't even get one on the Sims. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1385

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264

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By Idontlikefireworks2

FREEDOM

Today, some idiots set off fireworks close to my house. I was a bit worried, but my uncle assured me it would be fine and left to run an errand. Just minutes later, I looked up to find the tree right next to my wooden balcony engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3197

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249

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By OhGodWhy - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10616

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850

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By thatsfine - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

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64543

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3254

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By fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc - Denmark - Herning

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51014

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6858

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By elsatheannoyed - United States - Santa Clara

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49015

You deserved it

4514

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By Anonymous - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21761

You deserved it

2413

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By Kylee Day

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. Then when I was getting dressed with him sitting there next to me, there was a silence. He thought to fill it, he'd grab my hand and fist-bump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

360

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By WTF? - United States - Mesa

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54216

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6528

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By well okay then - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53189

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4653

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By rubber_duckie177 - United States

Today, my sisters and I were throwing my mom a birthday party. Since I'm not good at baking, I ordered her a really nice and expensive cake. As my daughter and I were headed out the door, she told me she had added some sprinkles to make it pretty. It was the silica beads from a package. FML

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36919

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Top comments

By snowkittyyy | 18

#6501667 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:36

Do...you meow? O.o did you ask why she thought that?

By jake_braves | 25

#6501681 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:41

So petzoned is the new thing now huh..

COMMENTS

By snowkittyyy | 18

#6501667 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:36

Do...you meow? O.o did you ask why she thought that?

Lars93 | 18

#6501728 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 0:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6501734 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 0:41

If you have to explain the joke then it's a shitty joke

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6501735 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 0:42

If you have to explain the joke then it's a shitty joke

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6501737 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 0:50

We got it the first time mate. :)

zach205 | 24

#6501937 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 6:16

I'm sure some people need a 2nd time before they get it

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6506011 - Saturday 9 January 2016 20:16

I only posted it once "mate". FML does that sometimes

By _delusions_ | 15

#6501670 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:38

Guess its time to start acting like a dog.
Juust kidding. That is odd and I dont see why being a human version of a cat is a bad thing but oh well.

Flowtastic | 16

#6501757 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 1:04

You've never had a cat shove their butthole in your face for affection I take it....

By Dark_Cecilia | 20

#6501671 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:38

How does that even happen?

joeyl2008 | 29

#6501815 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 2:54

Maybe they are Catkin

By Imhere4fml | 24

#6501672 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Railroader | 16

#6501680 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:40

So she thinks you are pussy?

By jake_braves | 25

#6501681 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:41

So petzoned is the new thing now huh..

By jake_braves | 25

#6501683 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:42

Perhaps you are a lazy pussy that feels entitled to everything...nah.

Pingvinai | 37

#6502872 - Wednesday 6 January 2016 5:31

Should've left at your peak, man.

By cacheson | 41

#6501685 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:42

Just explain you can be superheroes together. Cat woman and cat man.

By FryingPanHero | 11

#6501687 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:43

You truly are the cat's meow!

By ezrocks4u | 29

#6501689 - Monday 4 January 2016 23:43

...did she ever scratch you behind the ear? Do you enjoy long naps and tuna? :3