Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed...

By naughtymommy0317 - 20/6/2013 08:47 - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

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Intimacy

Capitalism kills

Clocked

Mr Sensitivity

By anonymous - 22/4/2011 10:50

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

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By Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. - 31/3/2013 04:34 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

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By Anon - 10/5/2009 12:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

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By fuckbucket14 - 14/4/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

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By RAB - 18/7/2020 02:02

Lovin' it

Today, as the manager of a McDonald's, I had to ask a group of high school kids to calm down after several complaints from other guests. Their rational response was to pour soda on my head and throw burgers at me. Upon returning from chasing them out, I sprained my foot. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 20:01

A ghost

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

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By omgwhyme - 8/1/2012 14:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

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By stuck - 7/11/2012 15:00 - United States - California

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

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By mastermind - 22/8/2018 23:30

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

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By butterflyzag20 - 28/2/2013 03:28 - United States

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

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By Customer Stonage Representative - 21/10/2011 12:10 - Canada

Today, still suffering from an eye infection, I received a customer complaint. Having red eyes, asking how a patron's day went, and thanking them as they left my register obviously means that I must be stoned out of my mind. Apparently I've moved to a city where you must be on drugs if you're nice. FML

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By embarassinggg - 6/2/2013 18:57 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to "stop sticking your butt out". My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

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By Mariah Barnes - 24/7/2020 08:01

The bird

Today, I saved a baby bird from the site I work on. It was the runt and did not have any feathers and was neglected by the mother. I took care of it all day at work and planned on taking it to a wildlife reserve after work. Two minutes away from the reserve, we hit a pothole and I dropped it. It died. FML

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By Tiber46 - 26/5/2013 08:33 - United States - Long Beach

Today, the vet sent me an email wishing my kitten a happy 2nd birthday. My cat died last year. FML

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By ouchiee - 7/4/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

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By teejayrn - 15/12/2012 11:48 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

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By me - 22/9/2013 13:34 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

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By _dopey_ - 17/5/2009 17:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2012 04:25 - United States

Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML

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By "AdorableDoxie" - 17/12/2018 22:00

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

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By WTF, America? - 3/8/2013 21:57 - Sweden

Today, I was convinced by my friends to watch an episode of the American TV show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". They said it was bad, but I didn't anticipate having a full-blown panic attack ten minutes into it. FML

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By Loose Ends - 14/9/2016 23:48 - United States - Waltham

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

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By Rimmy Jobs - 21/8/2012 16:39 - United States

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

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By Adam Jensen - 18/6/2012 04:39 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was at work when a co-worker decided it would be funny to email me from my boss's computer to tell me I had been laid off. It wasn't funny when I was fired for real after "skipping work without giving notice." FML

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By birthdaygirl - 11/3/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML

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By Drizztreri - 5/3/2014 00:09 - United States - Imperial

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

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By InsomniacToBe - 19/7/2012 15:55 - United States - Saint George

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

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By CrazyBitch - 4/4/2013 08:20 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2011 21:05 - United Kingdom

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

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By LinaLinaYeah - 9/12/2011 16:26 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

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By Rolax - 6/11/2008 09:38 - France

Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML

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By so much for a good day - 15/7/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

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By teepee - 13/11/2009 15:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

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By hannamacintosh - 25/7/2016 14:13 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML

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By - 2/1/2009 04:34 - France

Today, I marked 600 emails in my gmail inbox as spam and it will take me hours to go through and unmark them. FML

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By ohhotdamn - 19/4/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday all she wanted was this gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet which made her cry. When I gave her my present she just said "oh." FML

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By Uknowwh - 4/11/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend and the guy I had a crush on for 2 years are getting married. The worst part is that they've been dating for 2 years in secret, and just came out about it now. I've been telling her for 2 years how much I like him, and she's encouraged me the whole time. FML

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By shocked - 12/10/2009 14:52 - United States

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

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By thatguy - 28/10/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

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Top comments

By ddinspire6 | 10

#5544208 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:41

Did he ask if you were okay once he finished?

By NeDaroft | 5

#5544212 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

How kinky ^___^ next time elbow him in the balls then fake an orgasm, see how he likes it

COMMENTS

By ddinspire6 | 10

#5544208 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:41

Did he ask if you were okay once he finished?

speshlk37 | 13

#5544402 - Thursday 20 June 2013 21:00

Accidentally you say...?

Jac_d_ipper | 10

#5545351 - Friday 21 June 2013 15:30

Coincidence much!

By jackiemora | 18

#5544209 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

Maybe he couldn't stop since he did climaxed. I'm assuming once a guy starts they can't stop.

TheElBurrrito | 21

#5544370 - Thursday 20 June 2013 20:25

Can you stop your climax after you start?

friedpwnadge | 25

#5544373 - Thursday 20 June 2013 20:32

Nope.

B0nb0N09 | 12

#5544388 - Thursday 20 June 2013 20:49

They can stop wtf

jjessen | 20

#5544403 - Thursday 20 June 2013 21:01

#48 from what planet did you come from has guys who can stop once they've started climaxing? i personally know i can't stop once I've started

desoto96 | 9

#5544406 - Thursday 20 June 2013 21:06

I believe the correct term is "the point of no return." Well, according to urban dictionary that is.

hooligyn123 | 18

#5544453 - Thursday 20 June 2013 21:57

I'm thinking #48 is confusing the word climax for having sex... at least I hope.

TheDrifter | 23

#5544457 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:00

Perhaps for 48 they're very much the same thing? In and done, like a microwave oven.

raphanne_fml | 33

#5544470 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:19

Hop on, hop off, like a city bus.

Zebediabolical | 37

#5544482 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:33

I give women the best 42 seconds of their lives.

That's twice. And a short nap.

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#5544499 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:55

42 seconds?? Pfft! Try 15 seconds!

.....wait...that's a bad thing?

Blazinthatshit | 9

#5544544 - Friday 21 June 2013 0:30

Who would want to stop while climaxing anyways? I mean, I've never tried stopping and I can definitely say I don't want to.

gameofthrones_fml | 12

#5544626 - Friday 21 June 2013 2:16

Orgasms an sneezes are the only physiological functions that cannot be voluntarily stopped once they have started.

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5544653 - Friday 21 June 2013 2:26

Have you ever tried stopping mid-pee? I hear it takes years of practice.

By xoamy906 | 25

#5544210 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

Kinky.

lennelleong | 33

#5544506 - Thursday 20 June 2013 23:05

I took an arrow to my knee - and orgasmed!
I gave birth - and orgasmed!
I was doing pilates - and orgasmed!
Yup -
kinky.

JACKxRAWR | 22

#5544592 - Friday 21 June 2013 1:31

#3, I think that comment got every male user of FML visiting your profile.

By NeDaroft | 5

#5544212 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

How kinky ^___^ next time elbow him in the balls then fake an orgasm, see how he likes it

tygerarmy | 35

#5544326 - Thursday 20 June 2013 19:51

Why fake it?
OP should elbow him when she orgasms.

jizzwold | 21

#5544352 - Thursday 20 June 2013 20:09

If it really was an accident then I don't see how causing him pain is warranted.

Torch15 | 9

#5544487 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:37

And being elbowed in the balls hurts a lot more than an elbow to the face.

By KevinFlynn | 13

#5544213 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

did he at least take care of your needs?

By MsFML_ | 16

#5544215 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

He likes it rough.

Soninuva | 41

#5544291 - Thursday 20 June 2013 19:28

More like he thinks SHE likes it rough.

By golden_warrior | 23

#5544216 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:43

Are you dating Metta World Peace?

golden_warrior | 23

#5544226 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:48

Married to***

By dangousity | 21

#5544217 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:43

Stop we can, stop we don't

By emeraldisle | 30

#5544218 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:44

Maybe he's secretly into S&M.

By anythingmustbe | 18

#5544219 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:44

Could this be the start of a new fetish for your husband to spice up your love life?