Intimacy: Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed...

By naughtymommy0317 - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

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Intimacy

Messed up

Do as I say, not as I do

Plumbed out

By fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 05:00

Water, water, everywhere

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

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By HelpPlease - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. Midway through the speech I'd prepared, I fainted and hit my head against a wall. FML

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By mahanaaa_23 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

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By Idiot32

Today, I saw my dad driving our red Dakota, and I thought it would be funny to tail him around town. It wasn't until I saw cop lights flashing in my rear-view mirror that I remembered that we'd given away our red truck. I'd scared an old lady so badly that she called the police. FML

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By hannahlorraine - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

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By Roxas - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

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By Watsausrname

Today, I was using the restroom at a gas station when someone hurriedly knocked on the door. Thinking that it was my sister, I playfully said, "Hold up, hoe!" I opened the door to see a goth woman with an edgy haircut giving me a death stare. FML

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By Uneducated

Today, my dad informed me that I’d not be progressing into next year’s class because it’s a waste of money. But it’s fine because my twin will be learning for the both of us. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law announced that she's going to be moving into the apartment next to us. Oh joy. FML

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By uhoh901 - United States

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

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By comet5002 - United States

Today, I played a goth character in my friend's student film with goth clothes, lip ring, eyeliner, etc. We went into Starbucks at break and an elderly man came up to me and said "Your kind is the reason for all the bad stuff in this world" and then spat in my $5 drink. FML

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By Jack - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 20:00

Let me in!

Today, I was turned away from a private event by security for being a girl. My name is Max; the name on the guest list was Max, but the security meathead insisted Max can only be a man's name and threw me out of the building. I was the event's key lecturer, and without me the event was cancelled. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got fired from my job. My boss is my brother. His reason being that, "it would create awkward tension between us." I've been working for him for 5 years, and it's like he's only just realised that I was there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Red Oak

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

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By latepayer - United States

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

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By JimmyT - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

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By Jason - United States - Kenai

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is actually a man. Not a transgender person, I'm okay with that, but an actual gay man who gets a kick out of pranking other guys. FML

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By BadtoWorse - United States

Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering alcoholic, if he has been completely honest with me about all that he has been doing. Bracing myself to hear about his fall off the wagon, I instead heard a confession of adultery. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got told that I have a dainty sneeze. It was the closest thing I've had to a compliment I've had in months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mountain Home

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Hampton

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

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By trigfail - New Zealand

Today, I failed my trigonometry exam because my scientific calculator was on the wrong setting. FML

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By MeOhMy23 - 25/11/2020 07:59 - United States - Tazewell

The only one who could ever reach me…

Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML

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By S - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

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By smf_ds - Portugal - Rebordosa

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

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By wildthing - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

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By Helseac

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

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By neryc - United States - Hummelstown

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

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By anonymous - Austria

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend, who I've dated for 6 years, is getting engaged to my friend. The very same "friend" who's been encouraging me to break up with her for the past year. FML

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By jakestorm

Blockages

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

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By uhmwow

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

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By bigblue51 - United States

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

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By PickedOff - United States

Far out, man

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

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By Small_Fry_Hero - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

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By ripo95 - France

Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML

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Top comments

By ddinspire6 | 10

#5544208 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:41

Did he ask if you were okay once he finished?

By NeDaroft | 5

#5544212 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

How kinky ^___^ next time elbow him in the balls then fake an orgasm, see how he likes it

COMMENTS

By ddinspire6 | 10

#5544208 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:41

Did he ask if you were okay once he finished?

speshlk37 | 13

#5544402 - Thursday 20 June 2013 21:00

Accidentally you say...?

Jac_d_ipper | 10

#5545351 - Friday 21 June 2013 15:30

Coincidence much!

By jackiemora | 18

#5544209 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

Maybe he couldn't stop since he did climaxed. I'm assuming once a guy starts they can't stop.

TheElBurrrito | 21

#5544370 - Thursday 20 June 2013 20:25

Can you stop your climax after you start?

friedpwnadge | 25

#5544373 - Thursday 20 June 2013 20:32

Nope.

B0nb0N09 | 12

#5544388 - Thursday 20 June 2013 20:49

They can stop wtf

jjessen | 20

#5544403 - Thursday 20 June 2013 21:01

#48 from what planet did you come from has guys who can stop once they've started climaxing? i personally know i can't stop once I've started

desoto96 | 9

#5544406 - Thursday 20 June 2013 21:06

I believe the correct term is "the point of no return." Well, according to urban dictionary that is.

hooligyn123 | 18

#5544453 - Thursday 20 June 2013 21:57

I'm thinking #48 is confusing the word climax for having sex... at least I hope.

TheDrifter | 23

#5544457 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:00

Perhaps for 48 they're very much the same thing? In and done, like a microwave oven.

raphanne_fml | 33

#5544470 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:19

Hop on, hop off, like a city bus.

Zebediabolical | 39

#5544482 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:33

I give women the best 42 seconds of their lives.

That's twice. And a short nap.

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#5544499 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:55

42 seconds?? Pfft! Try 15 seconds!

.....wait...that's a bad thing?

Blazinthatshit | 9

#5544544 - Friday 21 June 2013 0:30

Who would want to stop while climaxing anyways? I mean, I've never tried stopping and I can definitely say I don't want to.

gameofthrones_fml | 12

#5544626 - Friday 21 June 2013 2:16

Orgasms an sneezes are the only physiological functions that cannot be voluntarily stopped once they have started.

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5544653 - Friday 21 June 2013 2:26

Have you ever tried stopping mid-pee? I hear it takes years of practice.

By xoamy906 | 25

#5544210 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

Kinky.

lennelleong | 33

#5544506 - Thursday 20 June 2013 23:05

I took an arrow to my knee - and orgasmed!
I gave birth - and orgasmed!
I was doing pilates - and orgasmed!
Yup -
kinky.

JACKxRAWR | 22

#5544592 - Friday 21 June 2013 1:31

#3, I think that comment got every male user of FML visiting your profile.

By NeDaroft | 5

#5544212 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

How kinky ^___^ next time elbow him in the balls then fake an orgasm, see how he likes it

tygerarmy | 35

#5544326 - Thursday 20 June 2013 19:51

Why fake it?
OP should elbow him when she orgasms.

jizzwold | 21

#5544352 - Thursday 20 June 2013 20:09

If it really was an accident then I don't see how causing him pain is warranted.

Torch15 | 9

#5544487 - Thursday 20 June 2013 22:37

And being elbowed in the balls hurts a lot more than an elbow to the face.

By KevinFlynn | 13

#5544213 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

did he at least take care of your needs?

By MsFML_ | 16

#5544215 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:42

He likes it rough.

Soninuva | 41

#5544291 - Thursday 20 June 2013 19:28

More like he thinks SHE likes it rough.

By golden_warrior | 23

#5544216 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:43

Are you dating Metta World Peace?

golden_warrior | 23

#5544226 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:48

Married to***

By dangousity | 21

#5544217 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:43

Stop we can, stop we don't

By emeraldisle | 30

#5544218 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:44

Maybe he's secretly into S&M.

By anythingmustbe | 18

#5544219 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:44

Could this be the start of a new fetish for your husband to spice up your love life?