Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my daughter flew completely off the handle when she found out I have a girlfriend, and called me an unfaithful sinning bastard, who’s going to hell for cheating on her mother. Her mother's been dead for 20 years and this is the first time I’ve met a woman since then. FML
Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML
Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML
Today, I found out that my 11 year-old daughter dresses skimpy when I drop her off on the weekends at my ex-husband’s house, courtesy of his girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. When I confronted her, she told me to “stop being such a prude” and with my attitude, “no wonder you get cheated on.” FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
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Top comments
Airman1988 9
You may have an manipulative genius on your hands.
chrissy2 28
I feel like someone wants mommy out of the house.
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Comments (169)
naughtylez82 4
I can't believe she lied like that. I seriously hope you punished her
cognauticcreix 9
I suggest you keep her away from those sitcoms...
deathy94 14
She was probably trying to avoid some daughter-father time bonding. Smart little girl you got.
CharresBarkrey 16
Why would she try to get rid of her mom then? That would be counter-productive.
pradip 26
Set aside cursing, deal with the bigger problem first, lying.
ICastillo 25
Might as well tackle them both head on. A good old fashioned ass whooping will do.
MatteKudasai 17
Pradip, is this another thumbed up comment? You're on a roll! *claps*
Missmacabre 2
Wow what a little shit, hope you punished her, if you don't act now I can see her on 16 and pregnant in a few years time.
fsomelife 26
Probably something more along the lines of 16 and stealing money from her parents to buy drugs. Then all the rest.
Bibliovore 26
It'd be great to hear a little more from the OP here. Did the daughter understand the meaning of what she was saying? If so, was she misunderstanding a situation, trying to make a joke, making a genuine accusation, or maliciously lying? Whatever the case, OP, good luck.
lezzels 4
Wow, she's a maniacal genius. She's too clever for words. She'd be a great lawyer, at this rate, she could get herself out of anything, I'd watch your back, lol
martin_martian7 11
Well there's A thinker!
Pikachu17 13
What kind of twisted child did you birth?
XxGAMERxWOLFxX 1
I know this isnt highdeas and im a little stoned but maybe just maye OP does have another boyfriend. In that case ydi