Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my daughter flew completely off the handle when she found out I have a girlfriend, and called me an unfaithful sinning bastard, who’s going to hell for cheating on her mother. Her mother's been dead for 20 years and this is the first time I’ve met a woman since then. FML
Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML
Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML
Today, I found out that my 11 year-old daughter dresses skimpy when I drop her off on the weekends at my ex-husband’s house, courtesy of his girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. When I confronted her, she told me to “stop being such a prude” and with my attitude, “no wonder you get cheated on.” FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
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Top comments
Airman1988 9
You may have an manipulative genius on your hands.
chrissy2 28
I feel like someone wants mommy out of the house.
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Comments (169)
rjo_fml 1
Everyone assumes the daughter is lying, maybe she was cheating you may have deserved it
michaelarenee15 3
Your daughter is an evil genius. You might wanna look into that.
grannygruber 6
So....did she learn it from mommy's other boyfriend and mommy is trying to cover her ass? YDI, bet there is more truth to it than u r admitting!
crabbynico69 2
Save your marriage, get rid of the kid. Children are overrated anyway.
89DaniMarie 2
If your child watches tv or goes to public school (or if you take her to the store with you) it's stupid to ask her where she heard it. It sucks that she lied, but you deserve it for asking stupid questions. Here's your sign
Veladus 4
Right. She deserves to have her marriage fall apart because she asked a rhetorical question. Usually this Bill Engvall "lol I don't understand what a rhetorical question is, heres yer sign" crap is just mildly stupid, but you've taken it to a whole new level.
Lkitteh 5
omfg I would **** that lil shit all up
The_Honey_Badger 17
Kids say the darnedest things...
MaydayParade1476 14
Its obvious OP wasn't actually cheating from the way she words the FML.
rocker_chick23 27
Isn't it sad when illiterate people comment on here? As soon as I read it, I could tell that the daughter is a lying sack of shit
AgentPlatypus73 8
I'm not even going to preface with "no offense". Your daughter is a bitch.
fuggotmuggot 14
Discipline that little ********.