Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my daughter flew completely off the handle when she found out I have a girlfriend, and called me an unfaithful sinning bastard, who’s going to hell for cheating on her mother. Her mother's been dead for 20 years and this is the first time I’ve met a woman since then. FML
Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML
Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML
Today, I found out that my 11 year-old daughter dresses skimpy when I drop her off on the weekends at my ex-husband’s house, courtesy of his girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. When I confronted her, she told me to “stop being such a prude” and with my attitude, “no wonder you get cheated on.” FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
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Top comments
Airman1988 9
You may have an manipulative genius on your hands.
chrissy2 28
I feel like someone wants mommy out of the house.
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Comments (169)
skyeyez9 25
Kick the brat out to live with daddy.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Damn that's messed up. I tell you kids will say stuff just to get you in trouble no matter the age.,
skyeyez9 25
If she whoops her ass, she will call 911 and lie and say her mom tried to kill her. In that case, let her ass go into foster care or group home. In a week, she will beg to come home.
weasel123 9
94- It means about the same thing. My purpose was to show that the quote "spare the rod" is in the Bible. I'm not sure what you're getting at, but I don't think anyone in this thread of comments was using it as an excuse to beat their children, unless you were just sharing some random Bible knowledge with us. If that is the case, I agree with you- "the rod" is used metaphorically in this context.
lilpsyco 16
Sounds like someone takes after their mother.
dustyb90 4
Bitch. You need to tear her ass up.
Kerdooski 8
Reminds me of the movie Orphan.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
That child would lose the ability to sit.
taylorluvsbieber 2
shes smart.
Derpenstien 4
I'd pretend to be packing her off to an orphanage because "daddy and mommy aren't together and that means we can't be your parents". But your little brat might like that...