By Anonymous - United Kingdom - New Malden Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML I agree, your life sucks 50709 You deserved it 4423 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom was talking about my grandma's approaching death. When she saw I was getting upset, she gave me a weird look and asked me if I was PMSing. FML I agree, your life sucks 23753 You deserved it 1755 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By UGH! - Canada Today, I slid into a seat in a very busy foodcourt that was jam packed full of seniors at the mall. It was the only seat available, so I was quick to jump into it. It was soaked with urine. FML I agree, your life sucks 7075 You deserved it 907 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - United Kingdom - London Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML I agree, your life sucks 30818 You deserved it 6331 164 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FriendZone - United States - Abington Today, after what I thought was several weeks of flirting with a coworker, I asked her out on a date. She asked if it could be a double date, and I said yes. I brought a friend, she brought her husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 6696 You deserved it 1967 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By spleechick - United States Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML I agree, your life sucks 18268 You deserved it 24536 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By violated ._. - United States Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 47227 You deserved it 15307 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Andrea Trevor Still counts! Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML I agree, your life sucks 2416 You deserved it 215 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonyme - France - G?anges Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML I agree, your life sucks 29420 You deserved it 2593 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GymBattle - United States Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML I agree, your life sucks 42283 You deserved it 12505 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kbartlett86 - Canada Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 35350 You deserved it 4595 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/5/2020 23:00 Fear factor Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 1595 You deserved it 150 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Marion Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML I agree, your life sucks 60869 You deserved it 69934 242 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By boreed - United States Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML I agree, your life sucks 34944 You deserved it 4366 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MsAnonymous17 - United States Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML I agree, your life sucks 59071 You deserved it 4123 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Concord Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML I agree, your life sucks 44282 You deserved it 4837 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By chelsea Today, I found out that if you cry yourself sleep and forget to take off your mascara, your top and bottom lashes will stick together. Leaving you unable to open your eyes. FML I agree, your life sucks 34492 You deserved it 13563 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dummy - Canada Today, my grandpa took out the family for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turn around without thinking and give him a big hug and say thanks for dinner Grandpa. It wasn't my grandpa. FML I agree, your life sucks 15246 You deserved it 44775 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML I agree, your life sucks 46853 You deserved it 3713 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By paperbox - Australia Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 51024 You deserved it 3285 206 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML I agree, your life sucks 39615 You deserved it 5576 232 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep three hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 12021 You deserved it 34132 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By snowbum69 - United States - Meridian Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 53312 You deserved it 5814 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By catwithwatermelononhead The gift that keeps not arriving... Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML I agree, your life sucks 4109 You deserved it 285 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crushed - United States Today, I found out my girlfriend had sex with three different guys in one day. All at a party. A party that I was at. FML I agree, your life sucks 52175 You deserved it 6994 252 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML I agree, your life sucks 28910 You deserved it 1717 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Catfish Today, I met the "cute guy" I've been chatting with online for a few months. He never smiled in pics, but I didn't think anything of it until I got to his place and he started talking. He didn't have a single tooth in his mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 3716 You deserved it 563 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nice Guy - United States - San Diego Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML I agree, your life sucks 23615 You deserved it 5175 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML I agree, your life sucks 36394 You deserved it 3211 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CrazzY88s - Ireland Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML I agree, your life sucks 15933 You deserved it 34072 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gleefan116 - United States Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML I agree, your life sucks 33433 You deserved it 8997 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mirroronthewall - Canada Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML I agree, your life sucks 16728 You deserved it 44084 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By themonkeyman - United States Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML I agree, your life sucks 13172 You deserved it 29438 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ughhh123456789 - United States Today, I was cleaning my old neighbor's bathroom, because he asked me to and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, I was getting paid. He told me to "get the floor pearly white." So I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed. Turns out the floor tiles are naturally a dull yellowish. I didn't get paid. FML I agree, your life sucks 51604 You deserved it 5789 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stupid Pregnancy Brain Today, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe pregnancy brain. I was making my husband's lunch to take to work. I realised shortly after he left that I'd used dish soap instead of BBQ sauce for his sandwich. He has to turn his phone off for work, so I have no way to warn him. FML I agree, your life sucks 10947 You deserved it 1732 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FBI1236 - Pakistan - Karachi Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML I agree, your life sucks 2161 You deserved it 189 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CreepedOut - United States Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML I agree, your life sucks 35505 You deserved it 7903 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By malnourishedstudent - United States - Palm Coast Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML I agree, your life sucks 16406 You deserved it 1473 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xxx Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML I agree, your life sucks 3556 You deserved it 499 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Blackpool Today, my legs were really sore from working out yesterday, so it hurt going down the stairs at work. To avoid the pain, l ignored how stupid I looked and limped down the staircase. When I finally got to the bottom, I hopped off the last step. And twisted my ankle. FML I agree, your life sucks 1246 You deserved it 546 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poop - United Kingdom - London Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML I agree, your life sucks 30522 You deserved it 2710 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whiskeey | 14 #5892289 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:42 How much did he offer? Send a private message 219 15 Reply
By VicRC | 7 #5892291 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:43 Take the money and run! Send a private message 162 9 Reply
By whiskeey | 14 #5892289 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:42 How much did he offer? Send a private message 219 15 Reply
Reply IloveToLaugh143 | 21 #5892309 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:49 I'm pretty sure there isn't enough money for that. Send a private message 74 6 Reply
Reply MisterEx | 28 #5892324 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:56 Unless he offered about tree fiddy. Always accept tree fiddy. Send a private message 150 9 Reply
Reply EphMi | 5 #5892328 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:58 i am pretty sure there's a price for everything. Send a private message 15 49 Reply
Reply ironichalibut | 24 #5892337 - Saturday 22 March 2014 0:01 Unless it was a little more than half, they can get a better deal. Send a private message 10 25 Reply
Reply LittleBlackbird | 20 #5892376 - Saturday 22 March 2014 0:39 What affair? No, I'm sorry he is such a dick! And his dick is what he will be touching from now on. Send a private message 13 32 Reply
Reply 1947Chevy | 17 #5892425 - Saturday 22 March 2014 1:39 I'm pretty sure marriage makes his money her money Send a private message 7 24 Reply
Reply mnwlf13 | 3 #5892564 - Saturday 22 March 2014 4:56 I'm guess about half of their assets. Send a private message 19 1 Reply
Reply incoherentrmblr | 21 #5892696 - Saturday 22 March 2014 6:48 Take the money and run - Steve Miller. Send a private message 7 6 Reply
Reply cometkeeper00 | 3 #5892993 - Saturday 22 March 2014 15:28 What if there's a prenup. Everyone's assuming that there's not Send a private message 6 1 Reply
Reply Goblin182 | 26 #5894513 - Monday 24 March 2014 12:48 If marriage doesn't divorce will. Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By VicRC | 7 #5892291 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:43 Take the money and run! Send a private message 162 9 Reply
Reply caohm | 18 #5892503 - Saturday 22 March 2014 3:44 accept the money as fee for being an asshole and then just continue to not forgive him. Send a private message 22 5 Reply
Reply lexiieeex3 | 32 #5892666 - Saturday 22 March 2014 5:44 Taking the money doesn't mean you can't promptly divorce him. Take the money, slap him, pack his bags, and kick the bastard out. Send a private message 33 1 Reply
Reply MrsDruidess | 23 #5892814 - Saturday 22 March 2014 10:40 take the money and run is a song guys, personally I favor "Hit him up style" way more fun!! Send a private message 7 3 Reply
By shannonchelsey | 7 #5892293 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:43 Get your ass out of that marriage! Save yourself... Send a private message 98 3 Reply
Reply OhWhoCares | 42 #5892378 - Saturday 22 March 2014 0:44 Yeah, the earlier you can get away the better. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He obviously cares very little about you, and to offer money is just wrong. I'm sorry OP.. Send a private message 40 0 Reply
By SgtAssCheeks | 21 #5892294 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:43 So did you ran away with the money? Send a private message 57 4 Reply
By emirie | 21 #5892297 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:43 Take it, and use it towards a divorce lawyer Send a private message 118 3 Reply
By CurlyQute | 17 #5892298 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:44 Bribery is not an option in this case Send a private message 31 5 Reply
By LizetteBerenice | 22 #5892299 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:44 Divorce him now Send a private message 36 3 Reply
By sunnyray812 | 42 #5892304 - Friday 21 March 2014 23:46 Don't worry. You'll get to take everything of his once you get yourself a lawyer. Send a private message 38 6 Reply
Reply junkman6 | 22 #5892338 - Saturday 22 March 2014 0:02 "American woman" immediately started running through my head because of your comment. Send a private message 19 4 Reply
Reply tayymeds | 23 #5892519 - Saturday 22 March 2014 3:55 That song just started playing at my work right as I read your comment ^^ Send a private message 8 0 Reply
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 160 You deserved it 35 1 Comments
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 711 You deserved it 158 7 Comments