Love: Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is... - FML

By Tree - 30/07/2010 11:34 - France

Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 013

You deserved it 5 764

Best teeth in the game

Cogs in the machine

You light up my life

By Wellgreat - 30/11/2018 03:00

Today, I convinced my roommate, who’s been single for a while, to get back in the dating game. He downloaded Tinder. His first match was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 393

You deserved it 270

By Lo - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 715

You deserved it 4 697

By Anonymous - 29/09/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I found a video on my boyfriend's phone of him getting a blowjob. When I confronted him, he panicked and claimed it was me in the video. Then he tried to say it was from before we met, even though in the video he was wearing the watch I bought him for his birthday 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 355

You deserved it 317

Pennies From Heaven

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 04:02

Today, I bought some shoes, but pissed off the lady working at the store by returning them 5 minutes later. She yelled at me and ripped my receipt in half, everyone in the store watched as she threw a handful of pennies at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 467

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 483

You deserved it 105 693

Still alive?

By Anonymous - 07/01/2020 01:00

Today, after finally having the guts to confess to a guy I have liked for a year now and him saying he also likes me and then asking me out, I went out of my way and traveled 4 hours to meet him. He didn't show up and never apologized. I never heard anything from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 529

You deserved it 275

By LovedByFamily - 08/10/2012 15:08 - Germany - Köln

Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 392

You deserved it 2 302

By unicorn_skies - 18/01/2014 08:33 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 528

You deserved it 57 498

Inappropriate question

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 13:59

Spicy

Today, my new boyfriend asked to know the penis size of every other guy I’ve been with. There are a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 659

By roxyriley - 07/12/2009 09:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 613

You deserved it 4 062

By hannahg - 24/03/2014 00:44 - United States - Romulus

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 355

You deserved it 3 791

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 06:05

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 4 510

By MarcusJones713 - 08/04/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 772

You deserved it 22 635

By tequilashot - 20/09/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 532

You deserved it 4 703

By skichick54 - 24/08/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 235

You deserved it 3 716

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 89

By blondessdoll - 04/05/2016 17:30 - United States

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 736

You deserved it 1 093

By Yubi - 11/01/2009 15:22 - Belgium

Today, my mother told me: "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't stay with your father". So it's MY fault if she's having problems with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 078

You deserved it 2 349

By bleurghh - 31/12/2010 15:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 804

You deserved it 8 822

Gross and weird

By Porkchop - 14/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 97

By ajodasdojsad - 21/03/2015 15:12 - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 928

You deserved it 3 884

By birthdayboy - 19/06/2019 16:22

Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 130

By Forded - 01/09/2010 23:11 - United States

Today, my minivan broke down on the side of the highway. I'm out of work and can't afford a cell phone, so I resorted to standing at the back of my van holding a "HELP" sign. About an hour went by, in which time I was passed by a cop car, a firetruck, and a car that said "Roadside Assistance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 844

You deserved it 3 666

By confused - 09/04/2011 08:08 - United States

Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 723

You deserved it 5 624

By Anonymous - 23/03/2011 11:50 - United States

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 971

You deserved it 5 059

By alex - 16/02/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 094

You deserved it 32 805

By cAtaLanbLoOd - 24/10/2013 06:06 - France - Perpignan

Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yes, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 51 524

By oicwydt - 31/01/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to a car show. I told him to hold on, I had to ask my mom. I quietly asked her to say no for me. She said "Sure!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 748

You deserved it 37 038

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 19:00 - United States - Royersford

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 229

You deserved it 5 705

The customer is always a dong

By Obviously works everywhere - 20/09/2017 23:15

Today, a customer filed a formal complaint with corporate about me, because I wouldn't help her find things she wanted while I was off the clock. We were in a completely different store than the one where I actually work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 855

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one ringing me from down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 577

You deserved it 39 853

By properpissed - 03/06/2014 15:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 380

You deserved it 10 130

By tbee - 06/09/2014 00:13 - United States - East Carondelet

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 421

You deserved it 10 775

By ihatelife - 14/05/2011 23:17 - Canada

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 225

You deserved it 28 403

By cmilla - 02/01/2010 09:18 - United States

Today, I was setting up comcast cable boxes for my house. I had the packaging everywhere when I finished. Looking admirably at my job, I backed out my door, and stepped on bubble wrap, scaring myself. I flailed, fell, reached out, grabbing one of the cable wires. I pulled the cable box and my modem off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 476

You deserved it 22 411

Thanks, I hate it

By FFS - 28/05/2015 17:41 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 201

You deserved it 2 905

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 16:33 - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 353

You deserved it 4 065

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 18:47 - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 842

You deserved it 3 001

Misheard

By not what she said - 01/06/2020 20:00

Today, I was on a Zoom call. My sister offered to go get lunch and I told her, "Don’t forget the baguettes." One overly sensitive coworker swears I used a derogatory slur that sounds the same. I didn’t. However, I’m still going to be investigated by my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 115

By anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 894

You deserved it 72 952

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Top comments

goosiesmom123 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:14

Why not leave him and get child support anyway

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:11

aweeee I'm sorry OP FYL):

Comments

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:11

aweeee I'm sorry OP FYL):

Lx416 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:13

ouch -Ł

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:32

Jerry springer episode right here!

ohdearkristen 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:35

wow, what a douche bag. dump him and make him pay child support.

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:37

Usually when your married you divorce. Not trying to be a troll.

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:40

do I sense a divorce coming?

imaginaryvoice 18

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:40

Marrige is the leading cause of divorce, kids

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:41

And that's when you move out.

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:50

it's funny because he only uses u for money

thesunsetglow_fml 8

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:58

34, it's funny cause you don't have a life.

chuk_norris_fml 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 20:01

Also, free cleaning + cooking!!!!

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Friday 30 July 2010 20:49

YDI for having kids.

eihtballplaya_fml 4

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Friday 30 July 2010 21:22

I'm sure that's just one of the reasons he stays even, though it's a damn good one.

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Friday 30 July 2010 21:27

make him sleep on the couch >:D

Unstoppable15 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 21:50

awww stfuuuuu you RACIST

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Friday 30 July 2010 22:13

ydi for being a French female

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Friday 30 July 2010 22:27

I hate men

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Friday 30 July 2010 22:36

38 its funny cuz you have nothing else to do than tell pther people that they have no lives. some people mite like it when she does that :)

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Saturday 31 July 2010 0:51

its funny cause he is wrong and child support is cheaper than women

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Saturday 31 July 2010 0:57

That was funny.

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Saturday 31 July 2010 1:35

guess whos paying child support now i guess? dumbass move on his part

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Saturday 31 July 2010 3:15

in Soviet Russia, child support you!

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Saturday 31 July 2010 5:58

your husband must be jewish

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Saturday 31 July 2010 9:19

95- lesbo!!! ...I LIKE

johnnyexpl0sion 0

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Saturday 31 July 2010 10:08

95 - no one gives a shit

PattisonDaStud 0

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Saturday 31 July 2010 13:17

it's funny cause your a s1ut that's with him for money

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Saturday 31 July 2010 14:29

lmfao, I love the "trends" in the comments. One person says some thing. Then another rewords it. It repeats until there is a nice list, where half of the comments are hilarious 

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Saturday 31 July 2010 14:56

deserved for taking him in

beastmcbeastly 0

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Sunday 1 August 2010 15:57

u shud get a divorce

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:13

are u sure he wasn't joking? cause I don't think he would say that and mean it, but then again idk him

ahairygorilluh 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:52

boner

joeinthedark 18

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:59

She's 16 dude. pedo much?

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Friday 30 July 2010 20:13

oh, in that case... boner.

MyChemical_fml 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 20:26

Lmao 49.. and btw where's Lego???? his comments always make me laugh :D

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Friday 30 July 2010 20:45

better than the dude that was talking about oral sex to a "hot" 13 year old. be careful, guys... makeup can add "legal" to a face lol

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Saturday 31 July 2010 2:11

well from what she's wearing, she's calling attention to pedos

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Saturday 31 July 2010 4:29

60: Which one? :o Sadly, that's happened several times here. janelly's comment alone should tell you she's young, ya pedos.

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Saturday 31 July 2010 14:27

not pedos... Most of the people here are minors :S Also, edit yo pic. You really don't need attention.. from the Internet, k?

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Sunday 1 August 2010 10:27

124 what are you staring at? everytime I see your comment I wonder.....

borntoperform 14

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Sunday 8 May 2011 18:39

it was prob in the middle of a huge fight

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:13

better than nothing.

22cute 17

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 14:44

Geez French men suck as husbands. Just keep a lover. But since it's too late for you, Op, time for a good marriage counselor? (make sure it's a woman)

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:14

Wow. I hope he's not serious at least..

lol_ironic_life 9

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:14

How insensitive...come back with I only stay with you, because you're cheaper than a gigolo. LoL

lionandthelamb61 9

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:29

haha, nice

sadistmonkey 19

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:33

The difference being that you actually have sex with a gigolo.

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Saturday 31 July 2010 8:13

I agree and I'm a minor not a pedophile

goosiesmom123 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:14

Why not leave him and get child support anyway

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:17

go with that, op! :P

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:15

Are you sure he wasn't joking? If he really feels that way, then you need to have a lengthy talk about what you can do to help the situation.

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:16

tell him you can divorce him and get child support, alimony, his car, the house, and his big screen tv.

mcrluverchick 9

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Saturday 31 July 2010 6:20

haha win

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:16

Tell him "you forgot alimony" as you hand him divorce papers. Once the divorce is final, tell him "oh, and they weren't even yours anyway".

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Friday 30 July 2010 19:16

LMFAO

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 71

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 2 514