Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I sneezed so hard, I farted. During my vaccine appointment. I hate hayfever. FML
Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML
Today, they're pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I'm three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML
Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML
Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML
Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML
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Top comments
jtthegr8 26
Start wearing a diaper?
CbDemyx 1
At least it's one or the other and not both.
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Comments (121)
Naitras 15
Did the comment need to be posted 3 times?
MargieDrury 1
Ash I hope you get better. Pregnancy is not a fun time for a lot of people.
MargieDrury 1
* Don't know where ash came from?
ImSoEffedUp 10
Maybe u should put on a Depends... Get u some practice changing diapers....
MargieDrury 1
It probably was his phone being gay. Don't think he meant it.
paschale 7
Good that you're getting some practice on before the birth when you'll be ********, farting and wetting yourself in front of an audience
Marteeny23 19
Don't talk about something you if you don't really know about it. I was in labor for 16 hours and I didn't pee or shit on myself, nor did I fart.
Michaelsgirl04 9
Only 16 hours? You got off lucky. My mother in law to be was in labor with my fiance for 66 hours.
thiscrazything 1
It is quite normal for those things to happen, no matter how long or short the delivery.
marpay 11
Most people shit themselves but drs and nurses are highly professional and just clear it away without making a fuss. So it's likely that you did shit yourself and didn't know. Also when you have an epidural you don't feel it either thus have little to no control. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just a part of childbirth.
bizarre_ftw 22
Marteeny23 — just to mention, you do know the girl in your picture is a pall-point pen drawing, right? It's a mind-blowing drawing, but the editing done to it suggests someone thought they were using a photo not a piece of art someone drew
pinkredneck30 2
The other joys of motherhood
shinshoku13 19
Buy some lady diapers :3
Valdrek 26
I feel for you. Let's just hope you don't follow through with the farts.
perdix 31
In the sixth month, sharts will be added to the list of consequences. The good news is that after the birth, you will regain the ability to keep your holes closed. Of course, if you really used that ability, you wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place :D
quelsauvage 12
Yeah. Been there. Too bad about the farts. At least as a pregnant woman you can get away with just about anything. Unfortunately the pants wetting rarely stops after the birth. Sorry to be the bearer of unfortunate news!
rubberduckie94 13
Do not know why you got thumbed down for telling the truth. I mean unless a pregnant woman is just being a bitch, and I don't think op is, pregnant women are given a wider range of behavior that is acceptable. And the peeing with sneezing, coughing, laughing, ect usually does hang around to a certain extent. Especially in proportion to size of woman. Vr size of baby. I weighed 100 pounds and just come up to five feet. My son was eight pounds when born easy pregnancy, tough long labor, but bladder muscles are still weak.
ShyAnn29 15
My mom is 5 foot, and was quite thin, and I was 9 pounds 3 ounces, the unfortunate thing was I got stuck at my shoulders, the doctors had to press on my moms stomach so I could come out!
rubberduckie94 13
Oh no! Your poor mom. To bad they did not see the problem before it was too late and give her a c-section. After 48 hours of labor that's what they did to me.
ShyAnn29 15
I know, I was born with cerebral palsy due to the lack of oxygen