Work: Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing...

By -_- - United States - Amherst

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

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Work

Walk on the wild side

Unrequited lover

Silver linings

By Anonymous - Canada

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he's a suicide risk due to his depression. FML

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By saya - 5/4/2021 20:00

Screamo

Today, my neighbor heard me scream and decided to call the cops because she thought I was being murdered. Nope, just stubbed my toe. FML

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By Evil_Angel_90 - Australia

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

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By Cantseethroughdoors

Today, everyone was signing a birthday card to surprise a coworker. I was told to go find someone who hadn't signed it so I went to the office next to mine, opened the door, and told them about the card. The intended recipient was sitting behind the door. FML

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By hailey - United States - Bethesda

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

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By ScarredEars - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

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By anon

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

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By onlyme123

Today, I got a phone call. I thought it was just one of these toll free numbers that were always calling so when I answered the phone, I said, “City morgue: you stab 'em, we slab 'em! How may I help you?” It was my college calling to discuss my grades. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Killington

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

No balls activity

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that thing away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

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By Mahomie123 - United States

Today, I had an all day volleyball tournament in a town an hour away. My dad left early, not realizing he was my ride home. I'm now stranded in the middle of a rural town with no way home anytime soon. FML

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By sallymay - United States - Rockland

Today, I found out that my amazing sugar and oil olive body scrub will cause the next person to get in the shower to slip and break an arm. We have no insurance. FML

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By JLO - Australia

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

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By Fuck's sake! - Singapore - Singapore

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

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By :/ - United States - Groton

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

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By Evan Chong - Canada

Today, I went to a concert with a friend of mine. When his dad came to pick him up, I walked towards the car, expecting a ride. His dad told me he didn't have time to drive me home. I'm his neighbour. FML

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By so scared - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

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By ytho - 5/4/2021 00:00 - United States - Denver

Stinky

Today, my natural body odor has gotten so bad that despite wearing 20 swipes of men’s deodorant under each armpit and taking three showers a day with an entire bottle of body wash, I still smell like a cross between onions and hot garbage. I’m a woman. FML

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By thewhompingwillow - United States - Springfield

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

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By Just_do_it_17 - United States

Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML

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By Kmcc

Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

No data for you

Today, I got my first Android phone. Being aware that they are somewhat inclined to collecting data about you, I was still surprised when I had to tell the eBay app, of all things, that it wasn't allowed to know how much I exercise. FML

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By Anonymous - Colombia - Bogot?

Any damage? Who nose?

Today, it's the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

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By Girl With a Cold

Today, I was sick, so I emailed my co-workers with a list of my hours, asking if anyone would be willing to cover them for me. I only got one hour covered, and that was during a day I don't even work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

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By DrunkParents - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

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By Anonymous

Cleanliness is next to someone else

Today, we got new seats in my English class; I was seated next to a boy that I don't know very well. When I sat down, he informed me that he is "opposed" to brushing his teeth. I thought he was kidding. Then he started breathing with his mouth open. These are our seats for the rest of the year. FML

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By JDLAX1924 - United States

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

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By kukadaman - United States

Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

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By Lo_Bolian - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

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By Liz - United States

Today, my boss became very angry over her own mistake on a spreadsheet. She lashed out by throwing a can of SpaghettiOs at my head. FML

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By Anonymous

Misunderstanding

Today, my boss sent me to remove a tree from a client's home. So I went and cut down the tree, only for my boss to show up an hour later, speechless. I was supposed to remove a sapling that had sprouted through the driveway tarmac, not the 100-year-old prizewinning Japanese cherry tree. FML

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By welptimetoburntheplacedown - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

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By AgentKoos_99 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after waiting 3 months to see if I got the job I had applied for, I was told that they never received my application. Turns out that the email address that they told me to send it to was not being checked anymore and that they would be happy to consider me for the following year. FML

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Top comments

By MrSassypants | 32

#6270137 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:42

I am also Hispanic. That's so wrong of your boss to assume that about us... anyways, see you at bowling this Sunday, OP.

By stephenfranklin | 15

#6270135 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:41

Takes Juan to know Juan

COMMENTS

By stephenfranklin | 15

#6270135 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:41

Takes Juan to know Juan

By MrSassypants | 32

#6270137 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:42

I am also Hispanic. That's so wrong of your boss to assume that about us... anyways, see you at bowling this Sunday, OP.

mxgirl1998 | 26

#6270433 - Thursday 23 April 2015 5:09

I like people like you who don't take things too personal, this was a pretty awesome comment!

wanted_2_want | 40

#6270457 - Thursday 23 April 2015 5:32

I'm not racist but... Must be his favorite way to start conversation with you OP.

sstahpp | 33

#6270467 - Thursday 23 April 2015 5:49

Everyone who starts a sentence with "I'm not racist but..." usually is.

ToxicTyrael | 26

#6270745 - Thursday 23 April 2015 14:00

You made me lol so hard.

IWishIWasObama | 12

#6270768 - Thursday 23 April 2015 14:46

#40 I'm pretty sure 39 knew that considering he was talking about the boss.

pkypereira | 11

#6271350 - Friday 24 April 2015 0:02

Bowling? i thiught we were gonna meet at my cousins and play soccer in his backyard

Onyx3288 | 22

#6272428 - Saturday 25 April 2015 4:54

This is the most amazing answer anyone could have ever given

Onyx3288 | 22

#6272429 - Saturday 25 April 2015 4:56

Perfect! I'm bring the empanadas

By MyDadLeftMeInKFC | 21

#6270138 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:42

Ignorance at its finest.

By randomguy76 | 14

#6270139 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:43

Wait... He's wrong?

By Cads1 | 24

#6270140 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:43

Well, at least he did not say you all look alike.

By abbyade | 21

#6270152 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:46

He's clueless. I'm sure he doesn't better. Be the bigger person and don't get too crossed with him.

By grajax | 24

#6270162 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:52

How can someone say YDI for this? FYL op, that's not fair for your boss to be racist like that.

Coolhwip92 | 8

#6275334 - Monday 27 April 2015 20:32

I think there's just a bitter segment of FML readers who press YDI on all of them. Seriously, every post has like 2k YDI's at least.

i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#6278131 - Thursday 30 April 2015 18:56

Not that it warrants a ydi, but the boss may have been hoping op could bridge any language gaps

By The_Avatar | 22

#6270163 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:53

Seriously thats only with us Italians...

By Sazzles | 17

#6270169 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:57

Bosses, always known for their tact and sensitivity.

By FiendHunter | 19

#6270170 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:57

Sounds like your boss needs to think a little bit more about what comes out of his mouth.