Work: Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 96

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 1 305

22/04/2015 15:06

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 421

You deserved it 2 720

Work

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Good kid

Shot from both sides

11/07/2009 19:50

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 683

You deserved it 11 335

Cosmopolitan's 50 Top Tips for Lonely Saddos!

By opposites don’t attract - 16/09/2020 11:03

Today, I was so sad and lonely, so I started browsing articles about how to get a man. Basically every list was naming the exact opposite of everything I am. So I guess if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I have to change everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 320

27/12/2009 08:34

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wrote 50 dollars on my gift card just to look generous, it's really only worth five. I found this out after I tried to buy an arm full of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 062

You deserved it 3 120

What a Q-tip

By Anonymous - 25/06/2013 16:21

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 445

You deserved it 6 460

26/10/2010 16:50

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 373

You deserved it 7 746

Non sequitur

By lisacasabonita - 12/11/2010 16:31

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, "I wish you liked anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 125

You deserved it 42 332

02/03/2009 21:35

Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 144

You deserved it 4 366

Zoomers zooming

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 08:08

Today, I was blowing my husband when we heard that distinctive shutter noise, and we realised our daughter had taken a photo of us. Apparently, she meant to take a video because she knows a website where any kind of "spying on people having sex" video will earn her $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 672

28/04/2012 01:04

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 253

You deserved it 4 029

Lonely, so lonely

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 05:02

Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents and the question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absent-mindedly typed the old dating site. I swiped completely dry with no responses into my browser, reminding myself that my entire city didn't have one person interested in dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 1 021

26/02/2009 23:21

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 258

You deserved it 54 826

14/03/2009 18:22

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 996

You deserved it 81 874

12/05/2017 02:00

Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 033

You deserved it 1 353

24/01/2012 08:50

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 513

You deserved it 35 683

21/10/2009 04:07

Today, I told my girlfriend over MSN that we had to talk. I log on to facebook and the first thing I see is that she changed our relationship from "In a Relationship" to "It's Complicated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 569

You deserved it 11 426

17/03/2010 07:05

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 601

You deserved it 5 112

Family Matters

By whyme102008 - 13/07/2011 06:32

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 591

You deserved it 8 624

29/05/2017 18:00

Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 115

You deserved it 377

15/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boss selected me to be the company representative at an important meeting in Portland with one of our biggest clients. I was thrilled, until I realized he hadn't said anything about my plane ticket or hotel reservation. He later told me that I'll need to acquire those things myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 883

You deserved it 237

Boozehound

By sad fat drunk - 25/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 425

Broke

By candidcripple - 30/12/2013 05:57

Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 542

You deserved it 4 493

27/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 177

You deserved it 276

13/10/2012 17:32

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 474

You deserved it 1 757

02/04/2013 07:24

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 322

You deserved it 3 980

03/10/2013 01:18

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 258

You deserved it 5 808

Nighty night

By leogs23 - 07/03/2021 14:02

Today, I got into trouble for sleeping at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 1 638

17/08/2014 10:19

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 356

You deserved it 5 571

26/11/2009 05:01

Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 707

You deserved it 4 410

17/02/2009 20:52

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 190

You deserved it 8 923

27/11/2016 05:58

Today, the 8 year old that I babysit every week told me that it was sad that I didn't have a boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. I got burned by a 3rd grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 269

You deserved it 947

Booty pic

By Anonymous - 01/11/2020 08:01

Today, I went to CVS to print out some pictures. I accidentally printed out a booty pic, tried to go behind the counter and they yelled at me, "Ma’m you’re not supposed to be behind here." Then the lady held up the picture and said, "Was this one the accident?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 1 080

06/07/2009 19:34

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 300

You deserved it 4 531

27/02/2012 17:42

Today, I called my husband, who is currently stationed in Japan, to see how he was doing. According to his girlfriend, he's doing fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 335

You deserved it 2 960

Panic

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 02:01

Today, I spent the night at a friend's house after drinking. My phone died and I didn’t charge it. My mom decided I was a missing person, and all of her friends on Facebook decided to post that I was missing. I’m a 27 year-old adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 108

06/08/2010 09:05

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving around town in his car. To my surprise he took me out to lunch. As we were leaving, a girl walks up and asks if he had room for one more for a ride, sadly he only has two seats in his car. Guess who had to walk! FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 236

You deserved it 5 691

Quickie

By HolyyMolyy - 11/07/2016 10:24

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 600

You deserved it 1 993

15/06/2013 21:58

Today, my future sister-in-law cancelled my invitation to her and my brother's wedding. Her reason was that I was incredibly rude to announce my pregnancy to my family at a time like this, because it took all the attention away from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 611

You deserved it 5 237

14/02/2015 12:14

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 340

You deserved it 2 313

10/02/2010 01:16

Today, I panicked when I felt a hard bump on the side of my stomach. I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was my ab muscles. I've been overweight so long I didn't know what they felt like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 353

You deserved it 27 192

21/02/2010 10:01

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 692

You deserved it 37 053

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Top comments

MrSassypants 32

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:42

I am also Hispanic. That's so wrong of your boss to assume that about us... anyways, see you at bowling this Sunday, OP.

stephenfranklin 15

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:41

Takes Juan to know Juan

Comments

stephenfranklin 15

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:41

Takes Juan to know Juan

MrSassypants 32

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:42

I am also Hispanic. That's so wrong of your boss to assume that about us... anyways, see you at bowling this Sunday, OP.

mxgirl1998 26

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Thursday 23 April 2015 5:09

I like people like you who don't take things too personal, this was a pretty awesome comment!

wanted_2_want 40

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Thursday 23 April 2015 5:32

I'm not racist but... Must be his favorite way to start conversation with you OP.

sstahpp 33

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Thursday 23 April 2015 5:49

Everyone who starts a sentence with "I'm not racist but..." usually is.

ToxicTyrael 26

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Thursday 23 April 2015 14:00

You made me lol so hard.

IWishIWasObama 12

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Thursday 23 April 2015 14:46

#40 I'm pretty sure 39 knew that considering he was talking about the boss.

pkypereira 11

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Friday 24 April 2015 0:02

Bowling? i thiught we were gonna meet at my cousins and play soccer in his backyard

Onyx3288 22

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Saturday 25 April 2015 4:54

This is the most amazing answer anyone could have ever given

Onyx3288 22

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Saturday 25 April 2015 4:56

Perfect! I'm bring the empanadas

MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:42

Ignorance at its finest.

randomguy76 14

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:43

Wait... He's wrong?

Cads1 24

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:43

Well, at least he did not say you all look alike.

abbyade 21

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:46

He's clueless. I'm sure he doesn't better. Be the bigger person and don't get too crossed with him.

grajax 24

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:52

How can someone say YDI for this? FYL op, that's not fair for your boss to be racist like that.

Coolhwip92 8

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Monday 27 April 2015 20:32

I think there's just a bitter segment of FML readers who press YDI on all of them. Seriously, every post has like 2k YDI's at least.

i_wuz_nver_here 31

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Thursday 30 April 2015 18:56

Not that it warrants a ydi, but the boss may have been hoping op could bridge any language gaps

The_Avatar 22

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:53

Seriously thats only with us Italians...

Sazzles 17

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:57

Bosses, always known for their tact and sensitivity.

FiendHunter 19

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Thursday 23 April 2015 0:57

Sounds like your boss needs to think a little bit more about what comes out of his mouth.