Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing...

By -_- - 22/4/2015 15:06 - United States - Amherst

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

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You snooze, you lose

By Sudokori - 7/9/2017 01:30

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2012 00:32 - United States - Missouri City

Today, while at a store, my stuttering problem became so bad the poor store clerk had to supply my own words for me. FML

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By afraidtoburn - 26/2/2012 04:18 - Canada

Today, I discovered that during fire drills, my school lines everyone up next to some extremely flammable and explosive propane tanks. If we ever have a real fire, we will all die. FML

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

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By SpookyBiscuits - 27/12/2016 16:27

Today, my boss wants to sort people in his contact list by last name, so I showed him how to switch the sorting from first to last. He tried to correct it by writing the first name in the last name spot and vise versa. Now he wants me to go through and change them all back. All 200+ of them. FML

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By sad but true. - 15/4/2014 23:18 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 00:25 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

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By ITalkGood - 28/12/2010 00:37 - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

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By Neurocardiogenic Syncope - 24/8/2012 04:08 - Canada

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2016 13:49 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I came out of the closet, after years of fear and shame, thanks to my mom making me to go to a church full of fundies my whole life. In the end, I was in tears. All I got was a frown and a "So? Want a medal or something?" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2016 05:13 - United States - Boise

Today, my cat brought home a bloody, barely-living mouse. The thing managed to escape and dragged itself into a crack in the wall, where it must have died. The only way to get it out before it starts to stink up the place is by demolishing the wall. FML

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By I am not amused! - 3/11/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

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By kenken5 - 19/6/2019 01:51

Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn’t return the favor. FML

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By anon - 9/9/2013 21:51

Today, while working as a cashier, a really cute guy came up and said, "Hi Morgan". I freaked out and asked him how he knew my name. He then replied, "You have a name tag". FML

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By Agathus - 10/11/2011 14:35 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 22:05

Today, I got hit on. By a high school kid. Who looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite. That was the only time anyone has ever hit on me. FML

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By bballer4_life - 14/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Erie

Today, I made dozens of cookies just in time for Christmas. When I went to take out the last pan from the oven, I slipped. In a desperate attempt to catch the pan I grabbed it with my bare hand. My hand is striped like a candy cane. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 05:00

Alexa, play "Living Doll" by Cliff Richard

Today, my boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere, supposedly because I act like he's nothing but a sex doll. We've been dating 6 weeks and have had sex twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2014 18:44 - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 02:02

Great speech, thanks!

Today, my biologist father had a slide show and speech prepared for my wedding. It started with, “40 years ago, there was a tree here”. I thought this would relate to me or the wedding at some point. 45 minutes later, I had to admit that it didn’t. FML

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By liar liar plants for hire - 3/8/2020 23:01

Season finale

Today, thanks to traveling restrictions being lifted, I was finally able to go visit the guy I've been chatting with online for the past year. When we met it was like a TV show, well more like three shows: Catfish, Hoarders and My 600lbs life. Turns out he had his neighbor video chat me all along. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2012 00:00 - United States - Medina

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2012 02:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML

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By Mad - 27/6/2011 01:14 - Australia

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

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By justin - 13/12/2013 03:08 - United States - Waco

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

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By Fractured - 31/3/2012 01:43 - United States

Today, I fractured a bone in my knee. Now not only do I have to wear a huge knee brace for the next two months, I'll have to sit around in a hotel room all of next week while my family has fun skiing in the mountains. FML

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By JD300 - 22/12/2009 12:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally got my wish of having snow on my birthday. Excited, I failed to realise this meant that no one could come to my party, including myself as we were all snowed out of town. What did I spend my 18th doing? Tidying our house. FML

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By Spencer Chan - 18/5/2017 14:00

Today, I ended a 15-year relationship. Don't worry, it wasn't mine. It was my parents'. FML

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By LonelyMonkey - 12/11/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

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By Merserve - 9/7/2020 02:00

Shackled

Today, I went over to confront my parents about how my siblings always get to visit and all I do when I’m over is work on their house or take care of grandma. My mom was very upset. Then she snuck out with my sister, leaving me to take care of grandma until she got back. FML

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By downlowtooslow - 12/6/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML

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By sourcandy013 - 21/11/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my 11 year old sister deleted me off Facebook because I'm not "cool enough" to be seen on her profile. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2016 09:14 - United States - Redlands

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

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By Actor - 3/9/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, I joined my school's film-making club so I could get an opportunity to act in the club president's screenplays. It turns out her idea of a tragedy is a creepy, sci-fi version of Romeo and Juliet, with elves, starring her as the perfect Mary Sue style lead character. I can't get out of this. FML

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By Awkward - 25/4/2011 18:38 - United States

Today, while driving on the highway, I got stuck in a traffic jam. Upon glancing over at the car in the next lane, I saw it was my ex as of a week ago. We sat in barely moving traffic right next to each other for half an hour. FML

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By myeyesburn - 28/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Dangleberries

Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2010 02:56 - United States

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

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Top comments

By MrSassypants | 32

#6270137 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:42

I am also Hispanic. That's so wrong of your boss to assume that about us... anyways, see you at bowling this Sunday, OP.

By stephenfranklin | 15

#6270135 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:41

Takes Juan to know Juan

COMMENTS

By stephenfranklin | 15

#6270135 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:41

Takes Juan to know Juan

By MrSassypants | 32

#6270137 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:42

I am also Hispanic. That's so wrong of your boss to assume that about us... anyways, see you at bowling this Sunday, OP.

mxgirl1998 | 26

#6270433 - Thursday 23 April 2015 5:09

I like people like you who don't take things too personal, this was a pretty awesome comment!

wanted_2_want | 40

#6270457 - Thursday 23 April 2015 5:32

I'm not racist but... Must be his favorite way to start conversation with you OP.

sstahpp | 33

#6270467 - Thursday 23 April 2015 5:49

Everyone who starts a sentence with "I'm not racist but..." usually is.

ToxicTyrael | 26

#6270745 - Thursday 23 April 2015 14:00

You made me lol so hard.

IWishIWasObama | 12

#6270768 - Thursday 23 April 2015 14:46

#40 I'm pretty sure 39 knew that considering he was talking about the boss.

pkypereira | 11

#6271350 - Friday 24 April 2015 0:02

Bowling? i thiught we were gonna meet at my cousins and play soccer in his backyard

Onyx3288 | 22

#6272428 - Saturday 25 April 2015 4:54

This is the most amazing answer anyone could have ever given

Onyx3288 | 22

#6272429 - Saturday 25 April 2015 4:56

Perfect! I'm bring the empanadas

By MyDadLeftMeInKFC | 21

#6270138 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:42

Ignorance at its finest.

By randomguy76 | 14

#6270139 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:43

Wait... He's wrong?

By Cads1 | 24

#6270140 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:43

Well, at least he did not say you all look alike.

By abbyade | 21

#6270152 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:46

He's clueless. I'm sure he doesn't better. Be the bigger person and don't get too crossed with him.

By grajax | 24

#6270162 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:52

How can someone say YDI for this? FYL op, that's not fair for your boss to be racist like that.

Coolhwip92 | 8

#6275334 - Monday 27 April 2015 20:32

I think there's just a bitter segment of FML readers who press YDI on all of them. Seriously, every post has like 2k YDI's at least.

i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#6278131 - Thursday 30 April 2015 18:56

Not that it warrants a ydi, but the boss may have been hoping op could bridge any language gaps

By The_Avatar | 22

#6270163 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:53

Seriously thats only with us Italians...

By Sazzles | 17

#6270169 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:57

Bosses, always known for their tact and sensitivity.

By FiendHunter | 19

#6270170 - Thursday 23 April 2015 0:57

Sounds like your boss needs to think a little bit more about what comes out of his mouth.