Pregnancy, Smells and Health: Smells like… victory

Smells like… victory

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, they're pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I'm three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 223

You deserved it 3 815

Pregnancy Smells Health

Best teeth in the game

Dysfunctional

I'm not lovin' it

By stardustveins - 24/09/2015 01:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 021

You deserved it 27 816

By Humiliated - 14/09/2009 12:58 - United States

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 793

You deserved it 5 345

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 05:57 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 953

You deserved it 1 778

By Anonymous - 24/03/2009 10:41 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 795

You deserved it 9 539

By Mack - 09/09/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 567

You deserved it 6 118

Mr. Burns

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United States

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 463

By Forgotten - 11/03/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 149

You deserved it 181

By The Lone Ranger - 05/10/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 097

You deserved it 2 824

Exes from hell

By what the actual fuck?! - 02/08/2021 07:01 - United States

Today, my psychotic ex-boyfriend hit a brand new low. I was served court papers, saying that he’s suing me by demanding I give him a paternity test for my daughter. He’s also telling everyone he’s her real father. He and I were broken up for more than a year before I even got pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 72

By abrazama - 02/10/2009 14:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went down to my accommodation office in fiery wrath, demanding that something be done about my three-days-cold shower. Looking dubious, they sent someone back with me. As soon as we got there he looked at me with deep pity and pulled the cord in the corner that activated the hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 768

You deserved it 37 176

By Anonymous - 27/06/2013 20:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 415

You deserved it 6 418

By Confused - 13/05/2013 14:39 - United States - Bath

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 533

You deserved it 3 121

By Maddie - 20/06/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses me for two things. 1) My food. 2) My sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 849

You deserved it 5 614

By Anonymous - 25/04/2010 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 689

You deserved it 44 401

By mildlyconcussed - 10/08/2015 08:32 - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 583

You deserved it 1 885

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 155

You deserved it 37 125

By HellaBomber91 - 11/02/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 603

You deserved it 8 872

By Matthew - 27/11/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 818

You deserved it 4 551

By holycrap - 03/03/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 745

You deserved it 2 773

By dino317 - 27/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, after many weeks of talking to this guy over the phone for hours on end and establishing that we both had feelings for the other, we met in person. He saw me, got an "emergency text," and hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 071

You deserved it 5 509

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 216

You deserved it 28 381

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 20:58 - United Kingdom - Duns

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 841

You deserved it 9 250

By Anonymous - 25/09/2016 11:22 - United States - Hills

Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 178

You deserved it 13 139

Burn out

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 04:59

Today, I quit my job by insulting my manager - who is/was a friend, whose wedding I officiated - in full earshot of everyone. It turned into a pretty public argument on the street. I don’t really know why I did it, other than just feeling so burned out by his treatment of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 371

By Kevin - 12/04/2011 19:25

Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 440

You deserved it 11 300

By whenlifeisalemon - 09/01/2016 23:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I waited patiently in the airport as my flight was repeatedly delayed. After 5 long hours I approached one of the attendees to discover that the plane had left 5 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 417

You deserved it 3 472

By Slaanesh - 12/12/2008 12:08 - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 019

You deserved it 38 862

Tough times

By Asha Toone - 31/01/2021 08:02

Today, I started noticing how unnecessarily hard it is to get a basic job such as a cashier or server, even though you already have experience in that field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 74

Great story man, but…

By hapless - 16/01/2009 07:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver told me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listened to him for 20 minutes, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charged me £5.80 and my boss gave me a warning for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 220

You deserved it 3 400

By DaddysGirl - 16/10/2011 10:36 - Canada

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 328

You deserved it 2 591

By touche :/ - 07/07/2013 21:27 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to a big job interview. Eventually, the guy subtly enquired about my political beliefs. He seemed pretty laid-back and cool, so I told him, at which point he just chuckled and told me to leave. When I threatened to report him, he just said, "Who're they gonna believe, you or me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 671

You deserved it 8 207

By HoobidibooFox - 13/11/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom - Coseley

Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 500

You deserved it 6 388

Gifts for the whole family

By don’tletthembite - 04/05/2020 02:00

Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 03/10/2013 21:40 - Canada - Markham

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 039

You deserved it 3 846

By Anonymous - 22/03/2013 10:49 - United States

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 752

You deserved it 3 472

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 100

You deserved it 36 162

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 833

You deserved it 4 235

By kewlio45 - 01/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 880

You deserved it 6 319

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 914

You deserved it 4 102

By Anonymous - 18/07/2012 17:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 531

You deserved it 6 887

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:09

Go four miles away. I didn't realize that pregnancy impaired one's logic so much.

DoomJeff91 2

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:16

That's one smell of a power. Use it for good, not evil.

bosshaug 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:07

First

DemonicFatty 2

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Monday 9 August 2010 7:33

first to reply to dirst

potterwatch 0

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Thursday 12 August 2010 12:52

so sorry op. everything sucks so much more when you're preggers :(

InsidiousChild 0

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Sunday 17 April 2011 6:36

well go 4 miles away :D

perdix 29

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:09

Go four miles away. I didn't realize that pregnancy impaired one's logic so much.

metakingt 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:13

This man is pretty epic.

Reyo 2

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Saturday 24 October 2009 1:18

This. "Aww man...they're working with feces next door, what should I do...I KNOW! I'LL COMPLAIN TO THE INTERNET INSTEAD OF GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE!"

kar89 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 6:49

What if she's on bed rest???

hurricanerebekah 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 9:07

I bet you have no idea what its like being pregnant. The strain on their backs (for some women) are so bad they can hardly move. Oh, right, sorry, let me guess. You know exactly what its like to be pregnant cause you're a troll and trolls know everything?

GrungeFan94 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 12:29

#63 Shut the fuck up. You're feeding the troll moron.

MistressSly 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 0:28

belligerance is not a virtue.please god tell me thats a sense of humour

6991 0

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Thursday 18 February 2010 17:53

Pregnant women annoy me so much sometimes. Like it's not unpleasant for everybody around, just you because you're pregnant? Blech.

peachee_26 0

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Friday 17 September 2010 7:51

exactly. Pregnant Women Are Smug!

emilyta_fml 0

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Wednesday 30 November 2011 23:14

She's three months pregnant. Bet you can barely tell she's even knocked up. She's fine. She isn't hurting at all yet. I have two kids. All born and conceived within wedlock.

mycleverusername 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:13

YDI for getting knocked up and living next to people who poop.

rairai897 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:20

ok wtf thats just retarded u have no right to say that, the only right thing to possible say for this is FYL not YDI, my god y r ppl here such assholes, FYL

Ligerie 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 0:09

hmmmm...I think that was a joke.

nazooer 11

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Saturday 24 October 2009 2:30

Ya, and that person has no right to call somebody "retarded" if their grammar sucks ass.

Ohnothingreally 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 4:45

Your mom got knocked up and lives next to people who poop. Oh.

stephiesue 0

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Saturday 24 October 2009 7:49

Perfect use of a "your mom" line.

lauracreedon93 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 15:39

fuck you, you absolute asshole.

plexica 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:14

Close your window

DoomJeff91 2

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:16

That's one smell of a power. Use it for good, not evil.

KingAfter 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:20

being pregnant must suck!

electroboy_fml 0

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:22

Remember, if you argue with trolls, they win.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Friday 23 October 2009 23:26

Mmm, isn't it great to wake up to the fresh smell of poop in the morning? *gag* *vomit*

perdix 29

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Saturday 24 October 2009 0:04

It's a septic system. The poop isn't fresh. It has been rotting for weeks, even months. Are you going to be eating that? No? Thanks, don't mind if I do.