Oddly specific

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks's odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

Today, I asked my professor for his opinion on the subject I plan to study in my thesis. Turns out, he likes it so much that he's going to steal it from me. FML

Cultural imperialism

Today, my new boyfriend said I’m only allowed three male friends, and their names are, “the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” When I told him he was quoting Will Ferrell, I realized he was born in Croatia and doesn’t know who that is. FML

Dude, STFU!

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

Today, my boyfriend still won't get a job, because he's convinced he's going to make millions inventing and selling carbonated ketchup. FML

Stop right now!

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

Gonna need that channel name

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML