Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML
Today, I've been so accustomed to kissing my girlfriend that when I gave my best bud a hug, I kissed him on the neck. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend for a kiss, and in response, she suggested that we settle for a hand hug. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML
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Top comments
Livinia 11
I wonder what she'd say if you gave her butt sex spontaneously out of the blue...
BountyBass 13
the sex must be great
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Comments (102)
Helvettica 1
Yeah, i think even on the fmls not about relationships, someone says something about giving/getting a *******. If only more stand-up comedians realised that you dont have to think up something of any intelligence or wit- just the concept of sucking someone off is obviously hilarious enough on its own. Its pretty childish, apparently when I was 11 all my jokes were at the hight of wit!
cybermolly10 7
You're training your girlfriend to be more annoying. What if you had a dog and every time it started barking you gave it a treat so it would shut up for a minute?
deweybig 0
How is this a fml? This is awesome win win.
Alex94xela 0
bj ftw get more of those op
phatdaddy62 23
cuz you don't have a dick! I do and the joke is funny!!
itsxbabyxjay 0
Haha. That's a pretty good idea.
theonlysweetpea 10
Wow some of you people are seriously stupid. If his biggest relationship problem is that she won't take a break from jawwing his ears off, he really doesn't have any problems. OP just keep kissing the talkative bitch. It won't kill her to shut it
Magnimus 4
Tip, she also can't talk with a mouthful of your junk in her. That's how I used to shut up my only bitch ex.
cupcakexxrawr 0
it's kind of sweet but annoying xD just idk work it out with her and tell her but don't be mean about it :)
fatalblue06 0
been there, done that. it's just annoying... but what's even annoying, never stopped texting me 24/7.. if I turned off my cellphone, she calls the house numerous of times. whipped or not, I still do whatever I want in my life. OP, you can do whatever u can, you don't need a woman who controls your life.