Work: Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading... - FML

By Anonymous - 01/08/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 603

You deserved it 18 282

Sorry…

Unreasonable

Feeling let down

End of the road

By Anonymous - 02/04/2021 21:30

Today, I landed my dream job with an international company. I figured I could work this until retirement, only to find out they hired me to shut down operations in my market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 60

Almost there

By fucksake - 05/10/2014 15:55 - Malaysia - Seri Kembangan

Spicy

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 160

You deserved it 4 648

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 135

You deserved it 29 120

By Kitcat034 - 22/01/2018 15:00

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 747

You deserved it 1 010

Tasty!

By Sad and hungry - 25/04/2020 17:00

Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 214

By YouWish - 25/08/2016 03:57 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, on my way to work, I was checking my hair in the semi-reflective window of an office building. I suddenly realized that the guy I had a one-night stand with last week was standing on the other side, looking confused. He now genuinely believes that I am stalking him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 320

You deserved it 1 650

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

By sleepingonthetoilet - 28/03/2018 08:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my supervisor locked me in the women's bathroom as I was cleaning it. I heard the owner scolding him, so I waited for the door to open, thinking he got in trouble. It wasn't until I heard the front gate locking that I realized I'm staying the night in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 170

You deserved it 361

By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 512

You deserved it 27 807

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 02:36 - Australia

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 568

You deserved it 1 823

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 271

You deserved it 4 016

By scared - 04/08/2014 00:47 - Canada

Today, my elderly mother explained that, "I don't need my glasses to drive, I just need them to see." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 024

You deserved it 3 055

By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 132

You deserved it 10 332

By suspicious - 05/07/2013 02:26 - United States

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 088

You deserved it 2 937

By farmakakis - 21/12/2009 06:25 - Australia

Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I'd look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 637

You deserved it 56 497

By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 018

You deserved it 3 741

By Kanata - 31/08/2019 02:05

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 138

By tech_support - 04/11/2011 16:05 - Sweden

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 240

You deserved it 4 522

By Samantha - 29/03/2009 03:14 - Canada

Today, I was having lunch at a cafe. There was an attractive guy looking at me from another table. I smiled back and gave a little wink. A minute later he approached me. I introduced myself and asked if he wanted my number. He said, "Um, no but what are you eating? It looks really good" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 057

You deserved it 21 793

By fmlcops - 22/05/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 178

You deserved it 5 438

By Potty-Pot - 23/01/2017 10:00

Today, my flatmate took his hour plus long shower while we both tried to get ready for work. I had a choice to wet myself or pee in a cooking pot. I chose the pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 073

You deserved it 635

By analinguist - 20/02/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 902

You deserved it 45 782

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 473

You deserved it 6 512

By not_this_shit_again - 09/04/2014 12:37 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 913

You deserved it 3 582

By bestiality? do I look like a pig? - 26/05/2013 20:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 130

You deserved it 18 291

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 11:55 - Australia

Today, it's been months since I dropped out of college to escape constantly being bullied and being miserable. Ever since then, I've been having recurring nightmares with the same people bullying me, after which I wake up crying and feeling miserable. My brain is a douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 522

You deserved it 4 856

By GrandmasWhore - 04/04/2009 05:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 110

You deserved it 90 234

By Anonymous - 28/10/2013 04:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 579

You deserved it 3 584

By GuitarChick42 - 04/04/2009 18:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320 484

You deserved it 22 872

By vomitingnow - 22/07/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 130

You deserved it 6 912

By morning_glory - 27/01/2015 21:17 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 774

You deserved it 2 236

The Guru

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 23:13

Today, my husband told me he'd met a life guru online who, after paying the £29.99 consultancy fee, advised him to seize happiness at all times. So he decided to seize the 19 year-old redhead across the street, move in with her and get her pregnant. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 205

You deserved it 257

By suckstobefat - 22/01/2012 06:10 - Canada

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 664

You deserved it 7 195

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 15:20 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 695

You deserved it 4 655

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 20:12 - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 672

You deserved it 3 304

By Anonymous - 02/04/2011 21:05 - United States

Today, while shopping, I was grabbed and dragged off to a security room with no warning. Apparently, the way I was dressed and walking was suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 480

You deserved it 5 042

The step after egg mode

By I’m a boy - 09/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was told that because I have an anime profile picture, I’m obviously extremely ugly in real life. I’m not ugly, I’m trans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 762

By Cammy - 29/04/2009 07:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 312

You deserved it 63 229

By Redhead - 22/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 415

You deserved it 877

By racello13 - 02/11/2015 15:26 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 375

You deserved it 1 794

By Simon - 30/12/2008 11:14 - France

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 126

You deserved it 53 362

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:09

And now you have a FML for reading FMLs. Silver-lining.

amberr_harperr 15

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:09

FML will ruin your job career..

Comments

amberr_harperr 15

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:09

FML will ruin your job career..

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Saturday 2 August 2014 7:26

That was sort of redundant. That was sort of redundant.

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Saturday 2 August 2014 10:00

You know redundant doesn't mean repeating right?

sjbartholome 14

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Saturday 2 August 2014 16:59

#45, No one said it was. But do you realize that repeating something is redundant?

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:09

And now you have a FML for reading FMLs. Silver-lining.

JustAnotherJose2 14

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Saturday 2 August 2014 9:11

Inception?

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Saturday 2 August 2014 9:48

Definitely the epitome of irony.

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:15

Well YDI. You shouldn't have been slacking off.

K410 18

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Saturday 2 August 2014 6:56

How the hell does this fml have so little YDI's

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Saturday 2 August 2014 14:18

I think it's because it's an ironic/coincidental fml, people liked it. I would've been fired for being on my phone, let alone fml.

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Saturday 2 August 2014 17:35

I want to vote both on this one

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:15

FML about an FML. F everyone's lives

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:41

FMLception

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Saturday 2 August 2014 10:59

Wouldn't FMLception be an "FML within an FML"? This is only an FML about an FML.

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:15

stay off your phone at work, silly. especially if it's not even important.

powelale0000 19

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:38

Are you saying FML isn't important?

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Saturday 2 August 2014 6:22

I'd rather make money and wait to read about others misfortunes.

PenguinBitch 43

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Saturday 2 August 2014 7:16

She shall walk the plank! Argh Okay, I'm off to work.

diosadelmasaje 8

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:15

Its almost like the infinity mirror illusion...

laden_swallow09 34

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Saturday 2 August 2014 16:36

Almost.

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:16

I vote the FML staff hire this man.

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:20

We do need another toilet cleaner, hopefully less whiny about that "minimum wage" thing than the last guy. He vanished without a trace and nobody has a clue what happened to him, Judge.

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:39

You told me that "shitty situation" joke had nothing to do with his disappearance.

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:43

Legally-speaking, maybe you shouldn't be reminding me of that on a public forum. Don't forget you ate the Rat Cook's pies that night as well. Snitch.

False_Stupidity 41

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Saturday 2 August 2014 6:13

A thread dominated by FML staff, very cool! Another instance of wishing I could thumb up the staff :)

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:17

You deserve it I'd say.. As entertaining as FML is you should save it for your free time and concentrate on the job at hand when at work

incoherentrmblr 21

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:17

The irony & coincidences are strong with this one. FYL and everyone else's life too...

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Tuesday 5 August 2014 10:56

Coincidences, yes. Irony, no. Irony =/= Any kind of amusing coincidence

Earths_Venus 25

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Saturday 2 August 2014 5:21

Your boss is paying you to work, so...

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 70