Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML
Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML
Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my dad for the first time. She politely asked how he was doing, and he responded, “Still vertical. Still annoying people.” Then he winked at her and said, “You poor thing.” I wanted to melt into the ground. FML
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
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Top comments
MrConcise 35
He respawned like in a first-person shooter.
amberr_harperr 15
you deserved it. at least he had some sort of humor whether it was sarcastic or not. maybe he'll forget. but you deserved that one. you even labeled yourself as a "grade a fucktard"
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Comments (39)
JRT98 12
Well, could be worse... And at least he didn't call you worse than a moron... Good thing he made it back though, eh?
awiseman 11
If I was him it would have been a different experience for you.
JRT98 12
Why? I mean, it was just a fuckup in their head.
awiseman 11
Because not everyone comes back.
JRT98 12
Of course, obviously OP didn't mean it though. You've probably said something equally as stupid at some point too. Oh, and thank you for your service.
awiseman 11
The most I say is welcome back. We have gold star families visit every year. So we will never speak ill of our fallen. Even if they weren't the nicest person we still show that respect.
xNephilim 19
OP didn't show any disrespect. He got flustered and said something dumb. People do that. Not a big deal.
rocker_chick23 27
He wasn't being disrespectful, he had a derp moment which happens to everyone.
tygerarmy 35
I don't know why it would be a different experience for the OP, but I'm glad it wasn't you. It sounds like you'd further damage Military Veterans reputations on top of being in jail for assault. Sarcasm was the perfect response. I just returned from a deployment in May, I was and am still asked many dumb questions, like "What was it like in Iraq, Vietnam?" and "How many people have you killed?" but even the dumb questions are usually out of curiosity. Lighten up.
Simbaby 23
Don't worry, we all get a little " dumbfounded " at times . It's happened to me plenty of tunes before .
brivielle 15
tunes
who_else00 12
Damn how did you manage to **** that one up?
CurlyQute 17
Everyone does something like this at least once in their lifetime. And whoever says they haven't are either lying or it will happen to them later.
1947Chevy 17
That's one of those moments where you say something then realize you just said something totally stupid. Sometimes it can't be helped
Liiiiiiiiike 15
Idiot hahahaha.
Bragi 12
You're just a spaz. You'll outgrow it.
daydreamer244 13
Sounds like your brain shut off for a moment.
kendallfireHD 16
This FML is just a mess.