Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML
Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML
Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my dad for the first time. She politely asked how he was doing, and he responded, “Still vertical. Still annoying people.” Then he winked at her and said, “You poor thing.” I wanted to melt into the ground. FML
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
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Top comments
MrConcise 35
He respawned like in a first-person shooter.
amberr_harperr 15
you deserved it. at least he had some sort of humor whether it was sarcastic or not. maybe he'll forget. but you deserved that one. you even labeled yourself as a "grade a fucktard"
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Comments (39)
wildsweetchild 19
he's got a point.
worldclassrager 41
Shows you care right?
ckcknight 13
There are much worse things you could have asked. My best friends mother's first thing she said was, "Did you kill anybody?" That was before she even said hello.
Norja 33
I respect the fact that you know you're dumb :)
kickass1954 14
I'm sorry but that's just stupid....
cjwayy 22
Once a friend invited me to her grandmother's funeral and I asked "did she die?" So we're grade-A fucktards together.
tbon3r 15
unless you have brain damage.. you deserved it.. you are absolutely a grade A fucktard :) thanks for the laughs though too.
sartrow 8
hey, I probably would have said something dumber, I remember how terrified I was of my girlfriends parents, he is a soldier, I would have probably shit myself as I mumbled like an idiot when I was your age, I'm 46,now and have raised 2 kids, you sound like a good kid, it's the ones that aren't worried about the parents that usually end up to be assholes, I'm sure her dad is chuckling to himself and is only closer to you now, I know I would be :)
vikky538 29
never start trying to make conversation with sarcasm..
lilchica22001 22
YDI! But please thank that man for me. God Bless Our Soldiers! Please return all of them to their families safely and swiftly.