Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML
Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML
Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
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Top comments
pjsr 33
That type of stuff, for me, would be a dealbreaker. When someone uses sex to manipulate or yank your chain, that's just not right.
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
If I had to guess, I'd say you guys talked about the subject of blue balls.
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Comments (26)
edmunson 22
Can't bell eve all the rude "kill her" types of comments. Talk to her, get over yourself, and LIGHTEN THE **** UP!!
GhostFox 34
Not only are there not any comments telling OP to "kill her," the vast majority of the comments are polite if concerned or annoyed by her behavior. With good reason, considering that she was touching him in his sleep, when he couldn't consent, and did so for the sake of her own amusement. Maybe you should work on that allergy to human decency you seem to have there.
crack229 19
iam sorry to say that you seem pretty not smart
darwin333 11
Start masturbating, either she helps in some way or she doesn't. If she doesn't, finish and go back to sleep.
AshBashMash0423 6
Oh hell no. That just is not right. Smh.
rozdawg 13
Shut up
HoodedDemon 2
Yeah! Double standards! If it were the other way around, there's a chance she'd report it. When you're asleep you can't consent.
noonereally 6
Am I crazy if I want to be woken up like this?