By FML Approved - United States - New York Sledding Fail Mistakes were made... 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Drunken Sailor - United States Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML I agree, your life sucks 52637 You deserved it 3415 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bun - 11/10/2020 23:01 - United States - Baltimore Pants on fire Today, I found out that while I was attending AA meetings to help understand how to help my boyfriend of 7 years when he got back from rehab, that he was not in rehab at all. He was on vacation. With his wife. FML I agree, your life sucks 1468 You deserved it 138 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whydoihavecats - United Kingdom Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML I agree, your life sucks 26415 You deserved it 2643 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML I agree, your life sucks 5162 You deserved it 234 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Max - United States - Bluffton Today, I tried to grab a coffee at the McDonald's drive-thru on my way home from work, but as I drove away from the restaurant a kid darted across the parking lot right in front of me. I had to slam hard on my brakes to avoid hitting him, in the process spilling my hot coffee all over my jeans. FML I agree, your life sucks 6985 You deserved it 639 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crazydog - United Kingdom Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML I agree, your life sucks 29571 You deserved it 4171 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By checkup - United Kingdom - Redditch Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML I agree, your life sucks 43090 You deserved it 5027 225 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dasani - United States Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair looked awesome next to mine. She paused for a while and then said "Well you're pretty on the inside." FML I agree, your life sucks 37363 You deserved it 8969 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By skinsfan7592 - United States Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML I agree, your life sucks 12116 You deserved it 43949 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CarrieBerrie - 14/8/2020 17:01 Fire in the hole! Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML I agree, your life sucks 1229 You deserved it 481 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. I happen to be allergic to all types of pain medication. FML I agree, your life sucks 41514 You deserved it 3153 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Daddo - United States - Elkhart Call CPS! Today, picking up my children from school, I overheard some kids saying what a rotten person their dad was, and how they hated him. It was my kids talking to their friends about me! Why? Because I didn't buy them a bag of jelly beans the day before. FML I agree, your life sucks 4111 You deserved it 401 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smurfpoo - Canada Today, while cleaning the bathroom in a suite at the hotel I work at, I heard a couple come in, and then a marriage proposal. She said no, that she had been seeing someone else and left the room. I was then alone in the bathroom, listening to a grown man sob. FML I agree, your life sucks 45132 You deserved it 4178 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By love and tolerape, apparently - India - Jamshedpur Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML I agree, your life sucks 36871 You deserved it 8299 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML I agree, your life sucks 76175 You deserved it 16646 233 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xyz - Ireland Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML I agree, your life sucks 17768 You deserved it 30631 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unluckylassy - Ireland Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML I agree, your life sucks 56982 You deserved it 6168 123 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Winchesterlover - United States Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML I agree, your life sucks 35727 You deserved it 8824 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, despite filling all the parameters for a model employee and being praised by multiple people over the time I was working, I was fired because a client complained to my manager that I didn't seem to know what I was doing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1582 You deserved it 115 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I worked construction building a hotel. I was taking out the trash when I suddenly felt an extreme urge to poop. I ran into one of the rooms and found an empty cardboard box to poop into. Finished, I closed the box and made my way to the door. I then saw my boss staring at me from the closet. FML I agree, your life sucks 2650 You deserved it 4444 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rajin - Canada Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML I agree, your life sucks 125607 You deserved it 16826 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By swallowsafly Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML I agree, your life sucks 2037 You deserved it 117 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Loserman67 Today, I spent several hours in freezing drizzle sampling and testing diesel fuel from an above ground, 10,000 gallon tank. Soaked to the bone and shivering like mad, I gave the manager the results. He said thank you and then told me I was at the wrong location. FML I agree, your life sucks 4432 You deserved it 702 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By i hit a cyclist - United Kingdom - Nottingham Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML I agree, your life sucks 55975 You deserved it 25560 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ks.swan13 Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML I agree, your life sucks 43548 You deserved it 2883 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my car key clicker wouldn't let me in. After a few frustrating minutes, I realized that, besides electronic capabilities, it's also an actual key that fits in a hole to unlock my door. FML I agree, your life sucks 7628 You deserved it 40970 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CabbageFart92 Thanks, I hate it Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML I agree, your life sucks 3466 You deserved it 287 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML I agree, your life sucks 18314 You deserved it 59786 334 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By johnfrank - United States Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML I agree, your life sucks 67587 You deserved it 35203 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kristine29 - United States Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML I agree, your life sucks 32301 You deserved it 2790 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iskalion - Canada - Grande Prairie Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML I agree, your life sucks 26232 You deserved it 5360 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nogood - Australia - Wahroonga Today, my girlfriend decided to get a new haircut. Now, she hates the haircut and blames me for, in her words, "turning me into something I'm not". FML I agree, your life sucks 34058 You deserved it 2992 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By :| - New Zealand - Nelson Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML I agree, your life sucks 29620 You deserved it 4234 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Really? - Australia - Homebush Today, during an endless heat wave, I sat at my local pub having a beer. I was delighted as a cool sea breeze started to come through. I was less delighted when the sea breeze picked up and blew cigarette ash onto my sweaty face and into my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 8436 You deserved it 1120 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Orange Park Today, it's the 11th day I've been in the hospital due to my kidneys. My mother has come in every day since to make me feel bad about missing Thanksgiving. FML I agree, your life sucks 9695 You deserved it 647 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ashes to ashes - 16/10/2020 05:01 Oh, hi grandma! Today, I woke up to what seemed like dirt on my face. Not dirt. It was cremated remains. My memory charm had broken open in my sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 1085 You deserved it 295 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nean83 - United States - Inglewood Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML I agree, your life sucks 24404 You deserved it 39696 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pothole - United States Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 24976 You deserved it 4145 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 1/12/2020 05:02 Lonely, so lonely Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents and the question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absent-mindedly typed the old dating site. I swiped completely dry with no responses into my browser, reminding myself that my entire city didn't have one person interested in dating me. FML I agree, your life sucks 684 You deserved it 1006 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Europe Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML I agree, your life sucks 35553 You deserved it 18149 174 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pjsr | 32 #7548232 - Tuesday 3 October 2017 17:06 Very fortunate he didn't die Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By pjsr | 32 #7548232 - Tuesday 3 October 2017 17:06 Very fortunate he didn't die Send a private message 3 0 Reply
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 622 You deserved it 135 3 Comments
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 845 You deserved it 178 8 Comments