Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting... - FML

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 4 333

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Same thing different taste

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 176

You deserved it 14 899

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 185

You deserved it 20 932

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 970

You deserved it 15 983

Rotten

By anon - 05/02/2025 00:00 - Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 85

By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 308

You deserved it 6 428

Carry On Milking

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 199

You deserved it 2 829

Snowball

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 006

You deserved it 19 736

Spicy date

By veggiedude - 08/05/2014 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 820

You deserved it 6 663

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 482

Next

Top comments

lysx84 24

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...

TrippingOnAcid 29

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

Can she pop out a ping pong ball?

Comments

ometzit 4

Friday 22 May 2015 20:06

Who's milk was it, yours or from the fridge?

Starfire950 5

Friday 22 May 2015 20:21

that's a bad thing????

JKPwnage 27

Friday 22 May 2015 20:40

Lots of strange and disturbing FMLs today...

chef4money 12

Friday 22 May 2015 20:51

She showed you that after a week? You better get ready for some ****** up shit, that was probably her warm up trick to see if you would stay. Is that in any way sexy to anyone?

Drosophila82 18

Friday 22 May 2015 21:06

Duuuude you should totally sign her up for 'Americans got talent'!

ChristinePi 36

Friday 22 May 2015 21:09

Only a week and she showed you that? Interesting.

pyrexicpoet 18

Friday 22 May 2015 21:13

Welcome to the milky way

BananaCoconutty 26

Friday 22 May 2015 21:14

Incredible

werewolf_babe 16

Friday 22 May 2015 21:16

How does that come up? Lol like "hey want to see what I can do with my ******? You're gonna love it, I promise"

skyline0392 8

Friday 22 May 2015 21:41

Your complaining about that? or bragging? Lol

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The Top

The Top

Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 219

Today, my teacher read my story about a haunted house for a class assignment. She liked it very much and turned it in to the office to be sent into a state writing competition. An hour later, I was called to the office where the guidance counselor called my work "disturbing" and said I "need help". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 309

You deserved it 2 934

Today, despite feeling healthier than ever, losing fat, gaining muscle and having perfect blood results, my morbidly obese relatives keep telling me that my new vegan diet is "unhealthy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 808

You deserved it 1 473

Today, it seemed like my new boyfriend worked wonders training my puppy. Now she listens, doesn’t bark and doesn’t chew everything to bits anymore. I was very impressed, until my boyfriend told me beating a dog until it behaves works every time. My dog isn’t trained; she’s too terrified to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 188

Today, at the hairdresser's, I fell asleep while my hair was being washed. My barber had to shake me awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 147

You deserved it 1 087

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 180

You deserved it 903