Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting...

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 4 333

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Same thing different taste

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 176

You deserved it 14 899

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 185

You deserved it 20 932

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 970

You deserved it 15 983

Rotten

By anon - 05/02/2025 00:00 - Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 85

By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 308

You deserved it 6 428

Carry On Milking

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 18:00

Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 199

You deserved it 2 829

Snowball

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 006

You deserved it 19 736

Spicy date

By veggiedude - 08/05/2014 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 820

You deserved it 6 663

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 482

lysx84 24

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...

TrippingOnAcid 29

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

Can she pop out a ping pong ball?

Comments

dannnngthatsux 19

Wednesday 15 July 2015 23:03

Um. how did she get milk in there in the first place?

coolbeansbruh 13

Monday 20 July 2015 11:04

How tf is that possible? Food doesn't go to the ******.

crackfetus420 12

Tuesday 28 July 2015 12:42

That ***** whack

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Wednesday 9 December 2015 4:44

How do people discover such talents?

deejflat 17

Tuesday 15 December 2015 21:22

That's a keeper.

TisButAScratch 10

Saturday 26 March 2016 4:01

Well, if you're into that…

Stevie Laurel 18

Tuesday 22 August 2017 21:37

How many kegels do you have to do to acquire that much muscle control, holy crap

ticklebeard30 7

Thursday 29 August 2019 7:56

sounds like a keeper

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Today, someone wearing dark grey clothes thought it would be a good idea to run in front of my car in the pouring rain. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop before I'd have turned him into a blood sprinkler. Unfortunately, the person behind me didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 164

You deserved it 2 874

Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 433

You deserved it 24 508

Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML

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Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him get through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 936

You deserved it 2 688

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

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You deserved it 3 863

Today, I fell in a river with a £700 camera, a £200 lens, and an iPhone while trying to rescue a 50 pence ball for my dog. FML

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You deserved it 32 950